“It is what it is. It happened. It’s done. It’s not my problem and doesn’t make you less fuckable.”
Oh, hello again Mr. Hyde, I thought I screwed you away…
He pushes past me, falling back into silence. I can’t help but watch him for several moments, completely baffled by his response. It wasn’t at all what I expected. It’s not really acceptance. He just doesn’t care.
I don’t really know how to feel about that.
“Okay, Saint.” I think it’s time to go. The atmosphere in the room is weird now.
Almost unbearable.
He doesn’t respond, so I turn for the door without another word.
“I’ll see you at the swim meet tonight,” he calls before I’m able to step out into the hall.
Blinking, I turn back to him. “Al-alright.”
He smirks and nods his head, then pulls his shirt on. With slow, hesitant movements, I shut the door and walk away from his room, feeling stunned and uncertain as to what the hell just happened.
My blood is humming with anticipation as I stretch, readying for my first official race at my first swim meet of the season. I’ve been getting more and more excited all day long waiting for this, and I haven’t even had room in my mind to think of Saint and his strange reaction to my confession about James this morning. In fact, as I pull my leg back to stretch out my quad, I realize I haven’t seen him all day. He wasn’t in gym today, though I guess he did tell me he’d see me tonight.
I wonder where he is.
“Ellis, you’re up!” Coach Friedricks shouts.
I jump to attention and hurry forward. There’s a decent-sized crowd filling the stands around the pool, and I quickly scan it to find my friends. Loni and Henry are in the front row, and they wave at me excitedly when we make eye contact. I let my eyes wander some more, and I find Gabe and Liam sitting near the top of the bleachers, but Saint’s not with them. I frown, momentarily distracted as I search for him. The other swimmers are starting to move toward the blocks, and I know I need to follow them, but I just need to see him…
There! I spot him standing at the end of the bleachers near the door. Our eyes meet and his nostrils flare as he gives me a solemn nod. I bite my lip to hide my smile and excitement that he’s here, not even caring that his odd expression doesn’t change. I shouldn’t care this much, I know that. It’s not exactly healthy, what we have, I know that too, but in this moment, I can’t make myself care about any of that.
He’s here. He’s putting in effort. He’s showing me that I’m not just a steady fuck.
I’m something more.
With that thought making me giddy, I hurry to my starting block and force my focus on my race, knowing he’ll be watching every move I make.
I walk into the auditorium after my swim meet riding a high. I won my race, and the entire crowd went crazy for me. It was the first time since coming to Angelview that I felt truly accepted, even for a moment. I know it likely won’t last, and half the school will be back to hating me in the morning, but I’m soaking up the feeling for as long as it lasts.
An assembly is scheduled for right after the meet to celebrate student achievements for the now completed fall sports. For once, I’m not dreading being stuck in a room full of my classmates. I’m not even stressed that I have two finals tomorrow that I need to study for. I’m prepared for them, and once they’re over, I’ll head back to Georgia to spend winter break with Carley. Everything is clicking for me right now. I’m not worried about Dylan or concerned about Saint. After a year of absolute shit, it kind of feels like things might be looking up for me at last.
That should’ve been my first clue that shit was about to hit the fan.
The awards presentation went on longer than was probably necessary, but several of the coaches and teachers didn’t bother to stick to the one-minute speech rule the headmaster laid out at the beginning of the event. When they finally begin to wrap things up, I think we’re home free, but then Headmaster Aldridge tells us to remain seated as there are several announcements regarding Winter Break that we need to hear.
To my complete and absolute shock, Saint and Laurel suddenly take the stage.
What the fuck? Why are they giving the announcements?
My shoulders tense and there are alarms blaring in my head. Something’s wrong. Something’s very, very wrong.
But Saint wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, right? I’m just being paranoid and besides, Laurel is the president of the student council. Even though she would love nothing more than to publicly humiliate me to death, at least I know that he and I are past that.
We don’t hate each other anymore. We don’t want to destroy each other anymore.
Right?
My gut twists with dread as I sit and wait to see what they’re going to say.
“Thank you, Headmaster Aldridge,” Laurel says in that baby voice she uses when she wants extra attention. Turning her attention to the crowd, she smiles wide, but Saint remains silent behind her, his expression blank even as a muscle spasms furiously in his jaw. “First, before we get into anything with Winter Break, we are very excited to welcome a new member of the Angelview family. As many of you know, poor Mrs. Buckingham was forced into early retirement this year because of health issues. The administration has been hard at work searching for a new history teacher to replace her, and we are happy to say that they’ve found a wonderful candidate to fill the position.”
Oh. Okay. This seems safe enough. A new teacher is a good thing.
I release a sigh. I am just being paranoid.
Laurel raises her hand and speaks loudly into the microphone. “It is my pleasure to introduce our new faculty member, Mr. Dylan Porter!”
As the rest of the assembly applauds, my heart stops. At Laurel’s introduction, the new teacher steps out onto the stage and makes his way over to her. I’d know him anywhere. Even with his new haircut and short beard.
Dylan.
Dylan is the new teacher.
Dylan is going to be working at my school.
Dylan, James’ brother, who swore to never speak to me again. To hate me until his dying day.
What. The. Fuck?
My breathing becomes erratic as my gaze bounces from Dylan to Saint. I didn’t tell him about Dylan, did I? I’m certain I didn’t, but this can’t be a coincidence, even though it has to be because I just told him about James this morning. Saint’s not looking my way, though. His face is still an impassive mask, and it’s impossible to know what he’s thinking right now.
Please, God, don’t let him be behind this. Just let this be a twisted turn of fate.
Laurel’s talking again, but I don’t hear her. There’s a ringing in my ears that’s making it impossible to escape my thoughts. I turn from Saint and stare at Dylan, and as if he can feel my eyes on him, he turns and meets my gaze.
He doesn’t look surprised to see me, though he looks far from pleased about it. That means he knew I was here. Did he intentionally seek me out? Apply for this job, knowing I’d be a student?
So many questions are running through my mind that I almost miss what Laurel says next. Her words manage to latch onto my attention, though, with her last piece of advice.
“All right, everyone. Have a safe Winter Break, and remember, stay away from drugs.”