He pulled away from my grasp. “I’ve done nothing but protect you my entire life.”
“Yeah, at the expense of our relationship. Having someone from the crew ride by my place every once in a while doesn't count as being a big brother. The only thing it makes you is two ticks away from a stalker. Where were you when I was in the hospital six years ago?”
He blinked. “You were what?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Where were you six years ago, before you went to prison, and I was in the hospital? I called and left three voice messages. I’d been in a car accident and they had to rush me to the E.R. I stayed in that place, alone, for an entire fucking week. So, where were you, protective big brother?”
He swallowed hard. “You were—what happened? Were you injured?”
I threw my hands into the air. “Of course, I was injured! I almost died, Brooks! And you didn’t even have the balls to come visit me. Hell, I don’t even know if you listened to my voice messages. For all I know, you just deleted them when you saw they were from me! Oh, and my celebratory party for nailing that voice-over job in the Pixar movie two months before you went to prison. Where were you for that? I sent you two invites and texted you about it on four separate occasions. You too busy doing other shit to be a big brother?”
Porter put his hand on my shoulder. “I think he’s got the point.”
I shrugged off his touch. “After all the emptiness and all of the abandonment I’ve endured my entire life, I deserve the ability to say my peace. Got it?”
I peeked over my shoulder and saw Porter nod before I stared back up at Brooks. “You left me to take care of Mom so you could run around with some stupid motorcycle club that’s clearly trying to get you killed. And you didn’t even attend her fucking funeral. Your own mother’s funeral, you asshat. The one I paid for out of pocket because you weren’t around to help. The one I worked three jobs just to pay down the debt because you were MIA and completely off the grid. And now, you want to be angry and play the big brother when you find out your best friend’s screwing around with me? That’s when you finally want to step up? After everything I’ve endured alone because of a brother that doesn’t give two shits about me, and you only hop in when your best friend is involved? You know what that shows me?”
Porter murmured. “Don’t say it, Astrid.”
I closed the distance between my brother and I. “It shows me that you only care when your actual family is involved. Not the family you abandoned in order to fill the void of pain you stuck me with after you left because you’re no better than Dad.”
It felt like the entire world stilled. It felt as if everything had come to such a careening halt that the world itself stopped turning. An angry sickness washed over me, taunting me with all sorts of things I wanted to do.
Slap him again.
Kick him in the shins.
Tell him how much you enjoyed fucking his best friend.
“Well!? You got anything to add!?” I exclaimed.
Brooks sighed. “I was only trying to keep you safe and out of this life.”
I snickered. “A life you willingly brought into our family by pledging yourself to it. That’s rich, Brooks. That’s really rich.”
He shook his head. “You were really in the hospital?”
I threw my hands into the air. “All you’ve done our entire lives is push me away and make me feel like shit. All you’ve done is shown me, time and time again, that I’m not important to you. That I’m nothing but an afterthought. That even in the midst of something as terrible as a car accident that almost killed me, you believe you’ve got better things to do. Well, let me tell you about your best friend, Brooks. Let me tell you how alive he made me feel. How beautiful and cherished he made me feel. How important and seen and heard he made me feel. Let me tell you how wonderful it is to stand at his side and know I’m worth something. Let me tell you how amazing it is to laugh with him and feel so carefree that, for once, I’m not looking to run. I’m not looking to hide. I’m not looking to fill the void with empty sex and useless paychecks. Because that’s what he gave me. That’s what he still gives me. And if you don’t like something that makes me feel so good and so loved and so amazing inside, then you’re nothing but a succubus. And I want nothing to do with you ever again, if that’s the case.”
Angry tears streaked my cheeks. My knees quivered with a want to collapse. I held myself firm, though. I stood strong and held my head high all by myself like I had done for all of my days. Then, something wonderful happened. Something so amazing and so thrilling that the only word I have for it is “perfection.”
Porter stepped up to my side and nodded. “She’s right. She’s right on so many things. She had the guts to say something to you before I did, but it doesn’t make what she’s saying any less true. So, if you really believe that we all treat women with respect, then I suggest you start with your sister. Because she’s been neglected like this for far too long, and I’ve seen enough of my fair share of it just over the past few days.”
And in that moment, I loved that man more than anyone else on this fucking planet.
Seventeen
Porter
I didn’t want Astrid to do this fight alone because she didn’t get herself into this situation on her own. She had some seriously valid arguments, and it astounded me how thick-headed my usually-rational best friend was being. It was as if his brain computer couldn’t compute what his sister was saying. It was as if he was so blinded by his need to protect everyone around him in some macho attempt to make up for shit in his life that he couldn't see how much he was harming her. How much he was pushing her away.
And damn it, she deserved someone to stick up for her.
But the second the words flew out of my mouth, Brooks slowly turned his gaze to me. I was glad that his anger no longer targeted his sister, but the sheer carnal desire to rip my head off worried me. I knew he wouldn't rationalize in this kind of situation. I knew he was too heated at the fact that I had broken my promise to listen to anything we were saying. But I’d be damned if he hurt Astrid any more than she had already been hurt.
They’d both been through enough.
“Brooks, we need you to calm down, okay?” I asked.
I tried to keep my voice as even-keel as possible, but his face turned beet red. His hands clenched at his sides so tightly that I saw droplets of blood pressing itself through his fingers. I looked down at his hands and saw his nails digging into his skin. He was literally making himself bleed as he tried not to kill both of us.
And for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why he was so upset.
“There’s more to this than a simple promise. I know there is. I’ve known you basically my whole life, and I’ve never known you to get this angry at something. But if any of this is gonna get fixed, you gotta start talking. Just like Astrid started talking.”
Cole’s voice flew over our heads. “So, anyone gonna sit down so I can finish stitching you assholes up?”
Not a single voice answered him as Brooks drew in a deep breath. “I’m tired of yelling.”