I hiccupped with sobs. “Brooks. H-H-H-He—he shoved me. We yelled. A-a-a-and… and there was a shoot—shoot-out. And Porter—he’s taking Brooks-Broo-Broo—”
She kissed my forehead. “Come on in. Coffee first, talk once you settle down.”
She led me into the coffee shop and she placed our order for us. I didn’t care what she ordered me, so long as it was hot and strong. And after sitting down at a table tucked into a darkened corner, I tried to dry my tears and drink some of the hot, creamy, caramelized goodness.
But it took me damn near half an hour to breathe right again.
“There we go. That’s it. One breath at a time,” Josie said softly.
I reached over and took her hand before sipping my coffee. “It started with a call from Archer.”
She paused. “Who’s Archer?”
“A guy from my brother’s motorcycle crew.”
She blinked. “I’m going to pretend I already knew that, since I feel like we’ve mentioned it without completely spitting it out into the world.”
I snickered. “Yeah, it’s a lot. But Porter runs with them, too. Anyway, I got a call from Archer saying that Porter had been shot. So, naturally, I go rushing to the clubhouse and all hell ensues. Brooks finds out we’re fucking around from Chops, of all people, and—”
“Wait, wait. Who’s Chops?”
“Their President.”
“And how did he know?”
I shrugged. “We didn’t get that far. Brooks couldn’t get off the fact that I had feelings for his best friend and Porter couldn’t stop defending Brooks long enough to talk about it with me.”
“And you said something about being pushed? Maybe?”
I leaned back in my chair. “Yeah. Brooks and I had it out, in terms of a fight. And when Porter asserted the fact that we both had feelings for each other—”
“Awwww?! He has feelings for you?”
I rolled my eyes. “I thought so, but after all that shit came out Brooks shoved me to the ground, cut me up pretty badly, and then Porter followed me home after the argument and defended my brother’s actions. Or at least tried.”
She gawked at me. “You’re fucking kidding. Porter? I would’ve thought he would’ve beat Brooks to a bloody pulp.”
“Not when you’re family, I guess.”
“But you’re also family.”
I scoffed. “You wouldn’t know it by hanging out with Brooks.”
She slid her foot against mine underneath the table. “I’m so fucking sorry, Astrid. You deserve so much better from them. From people in general.”
“You know, I told Brooks about that car accident. How I left him three voice messages while I was in the hospital.”
“And the text messages. You kept messaging him, too.”
I nodded slowly. “You want to know what he said?”
She puffed out her cheeks with a sigh. “Oh, boy.”
I leaned forward. “He acted like he didn’t even know I was in the hospital.”
She snorted. “You’re joking.”
I shook my head. “Dead serious. He acted like he didn’t know shit about it.”
“What the hell has happened to your brother? Was he always like this?”
I shrugged. “Not this bad, but still the same kind of thing. Always passing me by. Never calling to check on me. Taking the easy way out. Always running away instead of staying to fix shit. Him and Raven will never work out if he doesn’t fix his problems.”
“Poor girl.”
“Yeah, and he’s one to talk. Raven? The girl he’s apparently with? His best friend’s widow.”
Her eyes bulged. “What a goddamn hypocrite.”
“Right!? And he wants to call me out for betrayal! He’s shackin’ up with his dead best friend’s fucking wife! But do you hear me saying anything about it? No, because what do I want? For that fucker to be happy. After everything he’s done, I still only want his happiness.”
“He doesn’t deserve you.”
My eyes lined with tears again. “None of them do.”
And yet, all I wanted was to be relaxing against Porter’s body instead of sipping coffee and wondering whether or not he had vacated my property.
“Your phone’s lighting up in your purse,” Josie said.
Her voice pulled me from my trance and I looked down. “It’s Porter.”
“You want to answer it?”
I wanted to, sure. But was it a good idea to answer? Of that, I wasn’t so sure.
“Nah, I’m good,” I murmured.
But when the call went to my voicemail, I saw I had three missed phone calls.
All from Porter.
“He’s probably just confused. He has feelings for you, but he feels he has loyalty to Brooks. It’ll take some time for him to sort through that,” Josie said.
Her voice faded into the background as my phone lit up again with Porter’s name.
“Yeah, maybe,” I said mindlessly.
“I really think you should pick that up, though.”
I swallowed hard. “You think?”
“I mean, you're practically staring it down. I think you want to pick it up, and I think you should. It’ll give you and Porter a chance to talk, but not face to face. Maybe that’ll help cool things down.”
I finally looked away from the phone. “No. I’d just start yelling again.”
She took my hand from across the table. “Then, enjoy your coffee with me, go on a long drive, then prepare to settle in for a night of talking. Because if you really want to be with Porter like I think you do? Talking is the only way to get there.”
And I knew damn good and well that she was right.
Nineteen
Porter
I fucked up by freezing up, that much I knew. I fucked up when I didn’t automatically choose her over Brooks, that much I also knew. But the more I called and the more she shot me to voicemail, the more worried I grew. The Black Flags were out there fucking with our lives, and she was out there without protection. And I knew if I even attempted to call Brooks, he’d burn this entire city down looking for her.
And kill all of us in the process.
“Come on,” I groaned.
It didn’t even ring this time. “Hi there! You’ve reached Astrid—”
“Damn it!”
I hung up the phone and resisted the urge to throw it against the wall. Someone had to keep a cool head in all of this. I was working with two hotheads that were more alike than anything else, and I had to tread lightly. But with every hour that ticked by without Astrid back at the house, I became worried that something had happened.
Was she snatched up like Raven?
Cornered in an alleyway?
Struggling in the back of a van?
“I need to go find her,” I murmured.
Deep down, I knew I’d never choose Brooks over her. Not in a million years. But if I could help repair things between the two of them so there wasn’t always a war going on, of course I wanted to take that route. I didn’t even catch the fact that Astrid wanted reassurance more than anything else. She wasn’t asking for allegiance or a blood pact, she was asking for someone to take her side in all of this.