“God forbid,” I whisper fervently.
“But if it did, I could lose all of them. Just. Like. This.” She lets go of my hand to snap her fingers. “It doesn’t matter to the state I’d be grieving or my children would be. What matters to the social worker assigned to those children are those children. And you need to remember that every single day. Every decision you make has to be for the child you bring into your home. Full stop. Period.”
My breathing is so accelerated, I’m certain the room is spinning around me.
Nick.
David.
Before I came here, I was so certain I was going to have them both. Now, what if I have to choose? “I can’t imagine there’s a god who would deny me love.” I don’t realize the words come out of my mouth until Sarah replies.
“I wouldn’t if it was me. But it’s not my choice. It’s none of our choice if we go through this process. You have to be prepared God assigned angels to watch over these children. It’s their mission, and they are vigilant about it. I don’t know what they may require you to sacrifice. I pray it’s not giving up one type of love in order to embrace another.”
My lips part, but I have no words to refute her worry. There’s nothing I can do but hope that maybe the sacrifices I’ve made are enough.
That and enjoy every moment where I can have them both.
“You have to go.”
“I don’t wanna,” he whines.
“Oliver is going to make fun of you. Not to mention Reece is going to remind you you’re an old man,” I remind him.
Uh-oh. Wrong insult. Nick prowls over my body, pinning my hands over my head with one hand. His muscular thighs hold mine down as he fumbles in his pocket for his cell phone. “Ollie? Nick. Take Reece on the trails for a five-mile run, then put him through the paces today. I won’t be in.” There’s a pause. “I know it’s a goddamn gift. Why? Because I need to crack the whip somewhere else this morning.”
“Oh, goodie. I like whips,” I sass.
Nick glares down at me. Tucking his phone between his chin and shoulder, he rolls me to my stomach and yanks down the covers, exposing my ass. Smoothing a hand up and down over it softly, he gives instructions to Oliver about the kind of run Reece should be taken on. I mumble a trail name that could be made up for all I’m able to speak right now. Nick rewards my ingenuity by placing a kiss on my shoulder though. That feels nice. I’m almost back in la-la land with that sweet stroking. I need to remind Nick this is how he should put me to sleep all the time.
He tells Oliver and then disconnects the call.
Then, pop. Nick’s hand smacks down on my ass.
Almost instinctively, my foot kicks up and nails him in the nuts. Then I curse him because he’s wearing a damn cup. He laughs and rolls off to the side while he begins smoothing his hand over the heat.
“Hmm, okay. That’s interesting.”
“Wait. I thought you said you liked whips?” Nick’s confused.
I lift my head off my very comfortable pillow. “If I turn my head and that clock has a four as the first number, you’re going to die. We didn’t fall asleep until after midnight.”
Nick, smart man that he is, simply reaches over and flips down my alarm clock.
“Second, you can tell when I’m giving you crap most of the time. Why couldn’t you tell when I was doing it just then?”
“Jealousy,” he says immediately.
“You are so full of shit.” I immediately find the spot on my pillow where my face carved a perfect impression and fall back into it.
My comfort lasts for about 0.3 seconds as Nick decides to make amends for his irrational behavior. And it’s not discomfort that floods my system, but a heat that is impossible to ignore.
Starting with the arch of my foot, he trails his mouth slowly up each leg. The tip of his tongue leaves a moist heat in its wake that has me writhing, begging. Until he pops me again on the other cheek. “No moving, Sunshine.”
“Is this supposed to be punishment?” I dare to ask him.
“Hell no. I want this to last as long as possible. Do you really think I enjoy running?”
“Then what’s with the spanking?” I demand as he draws me to my knees.
Running his nose between my folds, he murmurs, “That’s just to see how wet I can get you. The guys are going to try to beat the shit out of me for being a lucky bastard anyway. Might as well make it worth it.”
My laugh turns into a groan as Nick sinks two fingers in me as he wedges his broad shoulders beneath me and pulls my hips down to tongue at my clit before making my body burn and hum.
I can’t imagine a day without him, not anymore. And for today, I don’t have to.
Later that night as I head into work, I’m the one kissing him goodbye at the door. He murmurs, “I’ll leave the light on.”
“Jed used to say that.” I can’t help being shaken. How did Nick worm his way into my routine? And what am I going to do if he doesn’t stay?
Nick tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Did he?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” Before he can open his mouth, I tug his hair I’m still holding in my hand. “I’ll try not to wake you up when I get in. After the way you woke me up this morning, I’m going to crawl into bed and pass out,” I lie. Likely I’ll do what I did the night before and the night before that—simply watch him sleep until he rolls over and realizes I’m there.
And draws me under him to fulfill my wildest fantasies.
“It’s not my fault you work past ten, Sunshine. Some of us need our beauty sleep.”
I burst out laughing before playfully shoving away. “Nick, if you were any more handsome, priests would have to accept certain kinds of sins. Now let me go so I can come home and creep up to bed.”
Nick makes a rude noise but kisses me soundly. It’s a kiss full of affection. “Drive safely,” he warns.
“Always do.” I wave as I head into the basement and through to the garage. But my smile slips as I slide into my SUV.
Reaching inside my black jumpsuit for the gold cross that rests there, I whisper, “Jed, what’s happening? What did I get myself into this time?” Since he doesn’t answer me, I open the garage door and back out.
Once I hit the street, I make a call. I know she’s expecting it since she answers on the first ring. “Well, well, well. Something to share?” Kara teases.
“Don’t make me cry; I’m driving,” I warn her.
“So you chose now to call me? That wasn’t the wisest of decisions.”
“Has any decision I’ve ever made been wise?”
Kara inhales deeply. “You stop that. You lived after so much pain when so many people would have just curled into themselves. I will never let you disparage yourself because you had a full life.”
“No, this is completely asinine.”
“What did you do?”
“I…”
“Maris,” Kara snaps.
“Kara, I fell in love.”
“God, Maris, you did that years ago.”
“It’s different. So, so different.”
Kara’s voice sharpens. “What do you mean?”