I felt like I wanted to kiss her. I certainly didn’t want anyone else kissing her.
But did I want to kiss her enough to risk our already dysfunctional friendship?
At lunch, I saw her in her usual spot in the Common Room. As though she felt my eyes on her, she looked up and found me. There was something a little different in her eyes and I wondered if she saw the same in mine.
I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing her. I couldn’t stop wondering what it would be like. How would she feel? Would she taste like her Coke lipgloss? Would it be sweet? Or would she bring her usual level of spice to it?
I’d never thought about Charley like that before. But I was thinking about her like that now.
I ran my hand over my mouth and one side of her mouth tipped up further than the other like she could read my mind. My smile grew more rueful. Of course, she could read my mind. She knew me the best out of everyone in the world, possibly even better than I knew myself. She’d know exactly what was going through my head. The fact she seemed into it just made it better.
“Earth to Lindon,” I heard and dragged my eyes off Charley to turn to Bleeker.
“What?” I asked.
“What is up with you lately? You’re never paying attention.”
“I’m paying attention!” I snapped. “Jesus. What?”
“Oh, no. It wasn’t that important. Just your best friend talking to you.”
“Dude, chillax. It’s not the end of the world.”
“How would you like it if I was ignoring you.”
“I’m not ignoring you. I didn’t even know you were talking to me.”
“Yeah, because that’s better.”
“What do you want from me, man?”
“Nothing,” he said sullenly.
I shrugged at Jory and Harvey. “What?”
Harvey shrugged as well. And Jory gave me a knowing look. Charley complained that I was a drama queen and obsessed with people paying attention to me every second of the day. Bleeker was worse. He got all sulky when we didn’t pay him enough attention and wouldn’t get over it until we’d made him feel better. But, whatever. He was one of my best mates. You did what you needed to do.
“Okay. Man, I’m sorry,” I said.
“Whatever, man. I don’t even care.”
I rolled my eyes as the bell rang. “You sound it.”
We picked up our stuff and I tried to listen to whatever Bleeker was going on about it. But I caught Charley’s eye again and got totally distracted by her. I hung back a few steps from the boys to fall into step with her.
“What do you want?” she asked.
“Nothing particular.” I nodded to Penny and Jett. “How are we?”
Penny looked like she’d just realised that the Queen was going to be teaching her next class. Jett looked slightly confused, but looked more suspicious.
“All right, Lindon. You?”
“Oh, you know,” I answered with a smile. “Getting along.”
“We’ll see you later, Charley,” Jett said before they went their own way, leaving me and Charley standing in the middle of the corridor.
“Were you just nice to my friends…all by yourself?” she asked me, feigning pride.
“Look, I don’t wanna brag–”
She lay a finger over my lips. “Unusual for you, but I suggest you quit while you’re ahead then,” she said with a smile ghosting her face.
“What are you up to now?” I asked her, knowing she probably had my timetable memorised by now and I couldn’t even remember what subjects she was taking.
“I’ve got my Free, but I need to go back to the library.”
“What are you going to do?”
She smirked. “Homework. You in the library this lesson?”
I shook my head. “Back in the classroom.”
She started walking and I walked with her.
“Are you not going to class?” she asked.
“I thought I’d go via the library.”
“Aren’t you in the complete opposite direction?”
I shrugged. “I might be.”
“So, should you not go to class the quickest way?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Best make sure you get there safely.”
“I think it’s more likely you won’t get to class safely.”
I nodded. “You’re not wrong.”
She shoved me companionably. “Go to class. I’ll meet you at the car after school.”
I waggled my head. “All right. Only because I’m such a good boy, though.”
She snorted. “Keep telling yourself that, dude.”
“I will.”
“Go!” she laughed, pushing me in the opposite direction.
“I am!” I said.
She tried for her serious face and I thought, just for the attempt, I’d be good and go to class.
“I’m going. See? I’m going.”
“I’ll see you later.”
“Later!”
Chapter 13: Charley
I wanted to kiss Zane.
It was irrefutable. I couldn’t refute it anymore – not that I’d tried very hard in the first place, admittedly. It was one thing acknowledging it, but what was I going to do with that?
Looking at each other at lunch had been…achingly tortuous.
I couldn’t tell for sure if he was feeling the same as me. But I knew him well enough to suspect he was.
All I could think about was what if Claudia hadn’t walked in? What would have happened? We would have kissed. But what would he have felt like? What would I have felt like? I couldn’t help it. My head was playing repeat after repeat of my favourite hook up fantasies and inserting Zane into all the supporting roles. Didn’t matter where I was, my mind would inevitably wander off and I’d find myself picturing yet another option for our epic first kiss.
I got home without making any sort of fool of myself. At least, if any of my behaviour constituted making a fool of myself, Zane was right there with me. There was like this added layer to our interactions that felt eerily familiar and so comforting. I couldn’t describe it in behaviours really, it was in the way his smile was more sub-conscious, in the way he seemed less cocky somehow, it was in the way he looked at me.
Thankfully, no one else was home when I got inside. So, I went to my room and wondered what to do. My eyes kept straying to the treehouse and I found myself thinking about Zane. A lot. Not just hooking up with him this time. It was everything. Everything that I’d have to take into account if we kissed.
It would change everything. It would have to. There was no way we could kiss and then go back to exactly how things were. I didn’t care what books and movies said, there was no way a kiss could not change everything.
Was it worth it?
I fiddled with my necklace as I looked out at the treehouse, trying to work it out.