A few days later, for the third time that week, I slammed the front door on my way into the house. Understandably, Brendan decided I needed a talking to.
He gave me a few minutes, then knocked on the kitchen wall to avoid sneaking up on me.
“What?” I snapped, then sighed. “Sorry. What’s up?”
“Your attitude for one.” He said it kindly, it was a question, not an accusation.
I nodded. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry.”
“I appreciate that, Charley. But I’m more worried about what’s causing it than the thing itself.”
I shuffled my foot. “Nothing. I’m fine. Just school stress, you know?”
He nodded slowly. “Okay. Well, I’m here if you need anything. You know that right?”
I did. And I appreciated it more than words could say. “I know. Thanks.”
“Any time. I’m always around.”
He started walking out and I took a step forward.
“It’s Zane,” I blurted out.
Brendan paused, his hand on the door frame. He nodded once before turning around.
“I thought so.”
“Then what was all the… Understanding thing?” I asked him.
I knew what the answer was. It was the same as the answer always was. Brendan was giving me space, not pushing, he was as always just there for me if I needed him. He looked at me and confirmed my thoughts.
“I didn’t want to pry. It could have been a guy. It could have been Jett or Penny. It could have been Zane. It might have been schoolwork. But whatever it was, I didn’t want you feeling like you had to talk to me.”
“You know that attitude is exactly why I whinge so much to you?” I asked.
He smiled. “Best part of my day, kid.”
I huffed a laugh. “Sure.”
He shrugged. “I love that you trust me enough to talk to me. Not many stepdads are that lucky.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I guess.”
“Now. Did you want to talk about Zane? Or do you want me to give you some space?”
I bit my lip as I thought about it.
“Up to you. All I ask is that you stop taking it out on the doors.”
I opened my mouth a couple of times, trying to find the words. Finally, I sighed, “Sometimes, I don’t even know who he is anymore.”
Brendan nodded thoughtfully. “He probably thinks the same sometimes.”
“Me?” I scoffed. “I haven’t changed.”
Brendan hugged me close. “Charley-girl, if you think you haven’t changed, you’re dreaming.”
“I haven’t changed that much,” I grumbled.
“I guarantee Zane’s looking at you now wondering where’s that little girl who thought he was a ghost. The two of you have grown up so much since you first met, in so many ways. You can’t keep comparing each other to those four-year-olds. If you don’t change together, you’ll lose each other.”
“But how do we change together? I don’t want to be a popular insensitive jerk.”
“You’ve got to find your ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’.”
I pulled back to look at him. “Our what?”
“You know. The song.”
I shook my head. “I do not know the song.”
Brendan grinned ruefully and muttered, “Millennials.”
“Not a millennial,” I quipped.
He grinned, but left that where it was. “It’s a song – excellent song – about two people looking for something in common. ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ is their something in common–”
“Do I need to know what a ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ is to understand this old people reference?” I asked cheekily.
Brendan sighed heavily, knowing me well enough. “It’s a movie.”
“Is it a good movie?”
“Do you want my nugget of wisdom, or shall I go and do something else?”
I clasped my hands behind my back and clamped my mouth shut for a second. “Proceed, O Wise One.”
Brendan snorted. “Sure. Because now I’ve forgotten what I was going to say.”
“People looking for things in common,” I reminded him, most helpfully.
“That. You and Zane just need to find your ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’. You need to work out what you guys still have in common.”
“And if that’s a big lot of nothing?”
Brendan’s face lost all hopefulness. “Then you’ve already lost him.”
“I thought this was a pep talk,” I sassed.
“I thought you were all cynical and wise beyond your years,” he countered with a grin.
And, he wasn’t wrong. I knew that life wasn’t all sunshine and daisies. Growing up meant you had to face the shit stuff. It meant realising that sometimes there were no real good answers and solutions, just ones that weren’t as bad. It didn’t mean I wanted a reminder of it right then.
I pointed my finger at him. “I do not like this aging thing. Please make it stop at your earliest convenience.”
Brendan shrugged again. “I don’t make the rules, Charley-girl.”
I sighed. “No. I suppose not.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“About what?”
“About Zane.”
“I don’t know. I just though that maybe one day he’d grow up. No, not grow up. That’d suck. But I thought maybe he’d think about other people again, stop being so…mean to them. But he’s just shown me – yet again – that he’d much rather get a laugh and approval out of stupid Cody Bleeker than be a nice person. He’s a bully.”
“I’m only playing Devil’s Advocate here, but are you sure you’re not overreacting?”
“Bullying isn’t a joke, Brendan.”
“He’s a teenager, Charley. Give him some slack.”
“Slack? I’ve given him four years of slack! He’s had plenty of slack. He is out of excuse on that one.”
“So, you’re just going to give up on him?”
I flailed my arms. “What else am I going to do?”
“Teach him.”
“I’ve been trying. But, once again, the bullies have won.”
“The bullies only win if you stop trying to educate, Charley. You’re right, bullying isn’t a joke, but instead of kicking Zane out of your life, use it as a teachable moment. You won’t change everyone’s opinion, but it only takes one to start an avalanche… Or something like that.”
“He’s never going to change. I thought maybe he was going to, but he won’t.”
“Hun?”
I looked up at him. “Hmm?”
“Knowing something’s right doesn’t change a learned behaviour overnight. Knee-jerk reactions take time and courage to change. Our immediate reactions are what have been educated into us, the ones we have after that are the ones that show who we are, who we want to be.”