“Sure. What kind of things?” I pour myself a cup of coffee and take a seat at the island.
“The lawyer suggested making a will after signing the divorce papers so the kids won’t get stuck with Chad should anything happen to me.” She sets a plate of pancakes in front of me.
“Why do you need my signature?”
“Because I’m leaving the kids to you. And everything I own. Which I realize isn’t much.”
I choke on my bite of pancake. “You don’t think they should go to their dad?”
She slams the spatula down on the counter. “He’s giving up parental rights. He wants nothing to do with me or them and you think they’d be better off with him?”
The sudden change in mood reminds me she’s still teetering. I need to talk to her about the therapist Kian mentioned. More and more, I’m thinking there was a whole lot more going on with Chad than she’s told me. Not that he hasn’t done enough. I just can’t imagine the affair, the one instance of abuse I know about, and him abandoning his kids happened overnight. She’s hiding a lot. If she doesn’t want to talk to me, she needs to talk to someone.
“No, I guess not.” I glance at the oven, noticing the time. I have twenty minutes to get to work. “It’s fine. I’ll sign. It’s not like you’re going anywhere.”
Something unreadable flashes across her features. “Nope. Just want to make sure everything’s in order.”
“I usually am at the dock around twelve-thirty, but I only have a half hour before we leave to pick up the traps.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
While Oliver drives us out to sea, I pull my phone from my pocket and open my text messages. I scroll through the many conversations Kian and I had.
Me: This one is kind of cute.
I attached a selfie of me holding up a red lobster, its claw stretched toward my face, centimeters from pinching my nose.
Kian: Not as cute as the man holding it.
Me: How dare you.
I sent another selfie, only this time of just the lobster. Its claws straight up in the air, looking affronted.
Kian: Stop playing with your food.
Me: What are you doing? You sound short.
Kian: If you must know, I was jerking off to images of this guy I’m seeing. Then that same guy sent me pictures of a bug and it killed my hard-on.
Me: Fuck. Really?
Kian: Yes. Now go away so I can try and finish myself off. I don’t feel like having blue balls for the rest of the day and you’re working tomorrow so I can’t even convince you to stay up late and meet me at my house.
Me: Tell me what you were fantasizing about. In detail.
Kian: Last weekend when you fucked me with my knees pressed into my chest. You hit just right from that angle.
Me: Are you touching yourself right now?
Kian: Yes. Why?
Me: Goddamn. Now I’m hard. On a boat with Oliver.
Kian: Oliver’s kind of hot in a grandpa sort of way. Maybe he could help you with that.
Me: He’s only ten years older than me.
Kian: I forgot you’re so old. Can I call you daddy next time we have sex?
Me: No.
Kian: Fine, but right now, while my hand is on my dick and I’m imagining you here with me, I’m calling you daddy.
Me: All right, but if it slips while I’m balls deep in your tight little hole, you’re in trouble.
Kian: Would you spank me, daddy?
Me: Kian.
Kian: Go away, you’re ruining this for me.
Me: Send me a picture of the mess you make.
Kian: You want a picture of my jizz?
Me: Very much.
Kian: That almost made me come.
Me: That was the plan. Don’t forget about that picture.
Then there’s an image of Kian on his back, a serene look on his smiling face, and a puddle of cum on his abdomen. Fuck, he’s so sexy.
I’m a special kind of stupid to fuck things up with him. I went an entire year resigned to spend the rest of my life alone. I couldn’t imagine finding anyone who could make me feel again. For as hard as I tried to not let him in, it was a lost cause.
Even from the first moment we met, cleaning up diarrhea, of all things, I felt like I knew him. Like he saw me. He saw I was hurting. Most strangers run from that. Not Kian. He ran into the inferno, not knowing how badly I was burning on the inside and while the flames aren’t extinguished, he became a barrier. Blocking the most painful licks of the flames.
I must get him back. I was a fucking idiot. I wasn’t thinking clearly. Surely, he’ll understand.
I shoot off a text asking him to call me later. I don’t wait for a response before tucking my phone away and getting back to work.
After our morning traps are thrown, we return to the dock. I find Sara perched on a picnic bench, the kids running circles.
“Hey, troublemakers,” I say.
“Archer!” the kids cheer, attacking my legs with hugs.
“How’d the lawyer go?” I ask, taking a seat on the aluminum bench seat.
“Kids, why don’t you go see how many fish you can count? Just don’t climb on the railing.” Sara points to the dock and they run over, sticking their heads through the wooden slats and pointing sea life out to each other. “It went well. I had him write one thing into the divorce and then signed. It’s been faxed to Chad’s lawyer. I’d imagine he’ll sign later today and file.”
“You didn’t contest anything? Sara, he wants to take away your house.”
“I know, but I don’t have it in me to fight.”
“I’ll look into seeing what it’ll take to buy him out. I’ll take the mortgage out myself. I still have money saved and with this job, it shouldn’t be an issue.”
“We’ll see. That’s not why I came. Here are the documents I wanted you to sign.” She pulls a stack of documents out of a manila folder, multicolored tabs marking where I need to sign. I flip through them, not understanding ninety percent of the legal jargon.
“What does all this mean?”
“This one makes you the executor of my will.” She points to a line and I scribble my signature. “This one makes you the guardian of Emmy and Lou in the event of my passing. This was the only thing I had written into the divorce. Even though Chad gave up custody, the kids would still go to him. So he’ll sign off on you having guardianship and then we’ll be divorced.”
I sign on the line, expelling a heavy breath. “Why the sudden need for a will?”
“It wasn’t my idea. It was my lawyer’s when he saw Chad’s terms. In all his years, he’s never seen a father sign over all rights. He thought I should protect them from Chad should anything happen. And I agree.”
“Makes sense. Is that it?”
“That’s it.” She stacks the papers neatly and tucks them back into the folder. “I brought you lunch since I knew you wouldn’t have time to run home or grab something after this.”
“That was nice.”
She opens a large brown paper bag and pulls out containers of fried chicken, potato salad, and green beans. She calls the kids over and we have a picnic lunch. It’s nice to feel like I have my sister back.
I feel bad I’ve been absent through her whole adult life. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I planned to bring Mason here a few times to meet Sara and for me to meet my niece and nephew, but our schedules never seemed to align. One year turned in two turned into too many to count.