The reason I’m here is shitty, but I’m glad I get this time to reconnect with family. They’re every bit as responsible for me feeling more like myself as Kian is. I now have the chance to make up for lost time.
Maybe we’ll be okay, after all.
My phone rings at two-thirty in the morning. I’d tried to stay awake after texting Kian and asking him to call me after work, but I must’ve dozed.
“Hello,” I answer.
“Did I wake you?” His timbre is low and flat. He doesn’t sound like himself at all.
“I meant to stay awake.”
“We can talk tomorrow instead. It’s late.”
“No, don’t go. Please. I miss you.” I shoot for humility, hoping I can win him back.
“I miss you too. How’s Sara? I’ve been worried.”
“She’s good. I think it was a real wake-up call for her. She actually saw a lawyer about her divorce today.” I flip on the lamp on my nightstand and sit up, my back pressed to the wall. I’ve yet to do anything in this tiny bedroom to make it my own. Just a queen-sized bed with a metal frame, an oak nightstand, and matching dresser. All of which Sara already had in here. My bedding is plain black and there’s nothing on the walls.
It’s a contrast to the small house Mason and I shared where he’d decorated with poster-sized paintings of all the things we loved. The ocean, wildlife, and even one rainbow-colored king crab that matched the logo for our business. The furniture was oversized and comfortable, our bed a king. I got rid of it all after he died, though, and moved into a five-hundred-square-foot apartment that wasn’t any more decorated than this room.
“I’m glad. Maybe a break from life is what she needs right now.” I hear what he’s trying to say. That him firing her was ideal for her mental health. He’s probably not wrong.
“Agreed.” It’s silent for a moment, which is stupid because there’s so much to say. But I don’t know how to start.
“Was there a reason you wanted to talk? I mean, I’m really glad to hear about Sara, but if there isn’t anything else—”
“There is.” I throw out to stop him from trying to get off the phone. “I need to apologize. There’s no excuse for the position I put you in.”
“There wasn’t.” I agree. “You know I had the mayor threatening to take away my business license earlier for having a drunk employee?”
Well, that makes shit real. I knew rumors would most likely spread. God knows they do about everything else. I didn’t think about who they might spread to.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry about that.”
“It’s not your fault, but I had to tell you so you could understand how things work around here. There are people in charge of this town who don’t like the gay population. They’re homophobic and feel threatened when we do well or own any significant stake in the businesses. Not to mention the big business who keep trying to move in and take over. One tiny mistake and everything I own could be gone. I wasn’t firing Sara as a personal attack and I wasn’t being overly dramatic when I told you what she did put me at risk.” His voice rises with growing irritation and rightfully so. I had no idea.
“I don’t know what to say, other than I was being an idiot. I was only thinking about my sister and that was wrong. Really wrong. You know how we grew up, it’s a knee-jerk reaction to stick up for her. I should’ve tried to understand you.”
“Agreed. I should apologize too, though.”
“Why do you need to apologize? You did nothing wrong. It was all me.”
“No, it wasn’t. You told me over and over that you weren’t in a place for a relationship. That you wanted to just be friends and I didn’t listen. I pushed, knowing you were still fragile. I’m sorry. It was wrong. I should’ve been a friend. Maybe things would’ve gone differently.”
“Kian, that’s not it at all. It was a fight. A disagreement. I don’t want to break up.” No, no, no. This isn’t how this conversation was supposed to go. This is all wrong.
“We were never together, remember? Not really. That was the goal and maybe we could’ve gotten there if we’d had more time before things got real.”
“Don’t do this. We can work it out.”
“Maybe in the future, but all of this brought back some bad memories I need to sort through. Shit with Jax I don’t think I ever dealt with. I need to take a break, let myself heal a little, and then we’ll see.” The sound of his small sniffle kills me. The most positive person in the world is hurting and I can’t do anything to fix it.
“Okay. But know I’m here. I’m waiting for you because you came along when I would’ve rather spent the rest of my life alone than let someone else in. You helped me heal and made me realize I still have living to do.”
“I can’t make promises.” He repeats the words I said to him numerous times.
“Mark my words, Kian. This isn’t over.”
“Goodbye, Archer.” His voice cracks on my name and the line goes dead.
I toss my phone on the nightstand and throw an arm over my eyes. I can’t believe I fucked up so epically. If I had just shut my mouth. Let things play out. Had a conversation instead of trying to manipulate him.
He’ll see, though. I’ll win him back. It’ll take a long time and I’m not sure how I’ll do it, but life is fragile. What you have in this moment can be gone in the next. I learned this lesson in the most horrific way and let it destroy my hopes and dreams. But Kian was right when he told me I’m still here. I lost a lot, but I didn’t lose myself. There’s still happiness out there for me and I plan on living every moment of it.
I throw off my covers, feeling parched. I need a beer, except I threw out all of the alcohol after Sara was brought home drunk, determined to make it hard for her to reach that level of intoxication again. Water will have to do.
I pad down the hallway, grab a glass from the cupboard, and fill it under the tap. I gulp it all in one go. I refill it and head back toward my room, but something in my gut stops me outside of Sara’s room.
I’m panicked and uneasy. I want to both throw open the door and never open the door. Intuition tells me what I’ll find, and bile rises in my throat as I turn the knob.
Even knowing something’s wrong, I’m not prepared to see my sister on her bed with a bottle of pills next to her and unconscious. I sprint to her side and notice there’s a froth around her mouth and nose. I press two fingers to her pulse point on her neck, feeling a faint heartbeat. Thank fuck. I run to my bedroom to find my cell and call nine-one-one.
The operator answers and I tell her what I know. She has me check to see if she’s breathing. She’s not. Adrenaline like I’ve never felt pumps through my body as the operator has me clear her mouth of the weird white foam and begin CPR. I don’t process what I’m doing, I just do it.
She stays on the line, telling me someone will be there soon. In Brigs Ferry Bay, there is no ambulance service waiting for calls. Apparently, they have to get someone out of bed.
“The sheriff lives only around the corner, so he’ll most likely be the first to arrive.”