“Great, so I’m the bad luck bear now?” I sulk.
“You’re right. Kian, call me if anything happens.” Sara instructs with a point of her finger.
“I will.”
Sara leaves and it’s just me, Archer, and a million things left unsaid between us. I should open my mouth and tell him all the things I’ve been holding back. Make sure he knows that without him, I’d be as lost as he is without Mason. That I not only want him, but his family, too.
Behind his blue eyes, I see him warring with his own thoughts. I wonder if they align with mine.
“Do you need anything? Water? Food?” I ask when the silence has gone on too long.
“No, I’m fine. Just tired.” He lets out a wet cough.
“Emotionally, are you okay? It must’ve been scary and then there’s—”
“Mason,” he says.
“Yeah. There’s Mason.”
“At first, I fought. I pushed my boots off, I struggled to find the surface. Then when it became too hard, I just… floated. I thought, if I can’t be here with you, I might as well be up there, with him.” He gestures to the sky. “Honestly, I didn’t know which one I was rooting for.”
“Oh.” That’s not the heartfelt speech I was hoping for. Even after everything, he’d still choose Mason. Maybe he always will.
“Wipe that kicked puppy dog look off your face, because in the end, I chose to live. I needed to be here for Sara and the kids.”
“Right. Of course.” Suddenly the strings on the threadbare blanket covering him become very interesting. I pull on one, separating the hem.
“Kian, shut up for a second and hear me out. I needed to be around for my family, but I wanted to be here for you. I didn’t want to die without you knowing how I feel.”
“And how do you feel?” I ask in a hushed tone.
His large hand covers both of mine, stopping me from ruining any more of the hospital’s property.
“I’m not like you. I don’t express myself or talk about feelings—”
“You don’t say.” I interrupt and he pins me with a look. “Sorry.”
“Even from the first night we met, you weren’t scared off by my bad attitude. There was no point in pushing you away, because you already knew who I was before I said a word. It was intimidating and scary, I didn’t think that’s what I wanted. I fought having you in my life. I forced you to have doubts of your own. I’m sorry for that.” He brings my hands to his lap. “Then we got derailed with Sara and instead of running, you showed up again.”
“I won’t run away, Archer. The only way I’d turn my back on you is if you told me to.”
“I didn’t think that was true at first. After all, I’m kind of a lot to deal with.” I open my mouth to agree, but he pushes a finger to my lips. “Nothing that happened was a test, but you passed anyway and I realized all this when I was underwater, way too close to death.”
“You should know I’m falling in love with you,” I blurt out.
“Me too.” He smiles and even though I see the pain, I see the happiness, too. And not just from his injuries. There probably will always be some suffering along with joy where Archer is concerned. He thinks he’s a flat liner, but he’s actually the opposite. He feels things so deeply, but he’s not comfortable expressing them.
“Really?” I squeak.
“Yeah, you grew on me.”
“Like a fungus?”
“More like wildflowers that bloom on top of a rotten tree stump.”
“In this scenario, I’m the wildflowers, right?”
He chuckles and then winces. “Don’t make me laugh.”
“I am the wildflowers. I know it.” I puff my chest in pride.
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Can I stay with you tonight?” I ask.
“That chair isn’t comfortable. Trust me. I took many a nap on one just like it.”
“I don’t mind. As long as I can keep an eye on you.”
“I have a better idea.” He scoots over to the edge of the bed. He’s a hulking man and the space he makes is hardly big enough for another man, but it’s perfect for a noodle. I slide in, nestling my head in the crook of his shoulder.
“You know the nurse is probably going to kick me out of your bed, right?”
“She can try.”
“Do you think Dr. Miller is hot?” I feather my fingers along his chest.
“He’s okay.”
“He thinks you’re hot.”
“How do you figure?”
“The way he patted your leg.”
“I think that’s a doctor thing. He was trying to comfort me or some shit.”
“I don’t think so. I think he’s got a doctor boner for you.” I lift my head and gaze into his ocean blue eyes.
“Jealous?”
“No.” I protest a little too strongly and he pushes my head back to his shoulder.
“Sleep now.”
“But it’s seven o’clock.”
“Babe, I have a concussion and almost drowned. It’s quiet time.”
“Fine.”
I press my nose to his neck and inhale. He smells like saltwater and him. I could bathe in that scent and still not get enough.
“You need a shave.” I scruff my fingers through his beard.
“That feels incredible.”
“Is that why you do it all the time?”
“It doesn’t feel like that when I do it. You have magical fingers.” He moans.
“You’re not the first to tell me that.”
“Kian?”
“Huh?”
“Shh.”
And so I shh. He immediately begins snoring softly and I bask in the vibrations of his breaths, while I repeat my mantra in my head.
I’m open to love.
I’m open to his love.
I’m open to loving him.
Archer
Things slow down after I get home from the hospital. I’m put on sorting duty at the dock until Oliver forgets I almost died. Apparently, it was more traumatic for him than it was for me. Sara and Kian were more than thrilled to have me on dry land for a while. I’ve explained how the accident was my fault. I know better than to try and maneuver those pots by myself, but they didn’t seem to care.
Sara’s got the kids over at a pre-k and is putting in about thirty hours a week working for my boyfriend. My boyfriend. First time I’ve thought about it that way, but it’s what he is. We’re taking it slow, easing into it, and staying away from the heavy.
I think we both could use a light load for a while.
That’s why I’ve planned a date for us today. We’re going to the remote Blue Shark Islands. You can get there by bridge, but I’ve borrowed a boat from my boss, Henry. I know Kian won’t be thrilled, but hopefully the life jackets will make it okay.
I pull up to his condo and get out of the truck. Last time I picked him up, I shot him a text to get his ass outside, but that didn’t go over well. I guess he’s more traditional than I thought. I climb the steps to the second floor and knock on his door, like I found out he prefers.