“Don’t worry about them, Addison and Adeline are sweet. They don’t mean any harm.” Brie waves his concerns off.
“Any harm?” Jarrett brushes the curl that is perpetually falling on his forehead. “They set up a shop right across from mine. They’re city girls. It’s a direct attack.”
“It’s true.” Fernando agrees. “It’s not cool.”
“Maybe you should go talk to them. You guys could help each other out.” She shrugs.
“Actually, not a bad idea. Keep your enemies close and all that,” I chime in.
“Maybe I will.” Jarrett taps his chin with a pointed finger.
“Not what I meant.”
Jarrett jumps up. “Fernando, help me move the coffee table.”
“Why?” I ask.
“It’s yoga time. We need to move to help with digestion.”
“Maybe you can’t find a boyfriend because you’re always making people do yoga.” I whine.
“Hush, you.”
They push my coffee table to the side and Jarrett leads us in some yoga, because what can go wrong when you’ve been drinking wine and eating your weight in charcuterie?
A few minutes later, Jarrett has his legs twisted like a pretzel, Brie and Cato are flat on their backs giggling about how their undies keep creeping up their asses, Fernando’s trying to get himself out of Lotus, and I’m chugging wine, laughing.
Hours pass. We continue to drink and talk. By one in the morning, everyone’s yawning and figuring out sleeping arrangements. Brie and Cato take the spare bed, Fernando takes the couch, and Jarrett and I take my bed.
“You okay, honey?” Jarrett asks.
It’s been an amazing night, really. In my crowded living room, I was feeling better than I have in a while. But here in the dark, with only my best friend and a belly full of wine, I’m back to my pity party mentality.
“Yeah. I’m glad you’re here.” I sigh.
“You know, you could always go after him.”
“I know.” I flip from my side to my back. “I guess I want to be chased for once. You know?”
“I guess with your past, it might feel important to have someone choose you over everything else.”
“You don’t think so?”
“I don’t know. You’re talking to a perpetual bachelor. Just seems like happiness is happiness, no matter how you get there.”
I blow out a breath. “I always have a plan. I’m the person people run to when they need a plan of their own. I’m reliable. I know that, and usually it delivers a tranquil feeling of control I crave. But that’s in my everyday life. Yeah, I could go over there and do it my way, with a calendar and asking him how long he needs, but I don’t want that. Archer’s full of passion and intensity. It’s what drew me to him. I’m the ocean, calm and steady. But he’s the waves, turbulent and unpredictable.”
“Wow. That was beautiful.”
I shove his shoulder. “I’m being serious, bitch.”
“So am I. I’m the ocean, too. I think that’s why we get along so well. Of course, I get there through holistic behaviors and you get there through wine, but still.” He sighs this time. “I think I’d want the waves if I were looking for a relationship, too. Someone to keep me on my toes.”
“How does this setting intentions work, anyway?”
“It’s easy. You just have to state what you want and set it free into the world. You are what you think. It’s about training your brain to stay focused on your true desires.”
“So I just need to tell myself Archer and I will be together and we will be?”
“Not exactly. But you can say that you’re open for love. In the long run, isn’t that what you want? Even if it ends up not being with Archer?”
“I didn’t even think I was ready for love until him.”
“Well, then even if you don’t end up together, he served an important purpose.”
“Wow. That was beautiful.” I repeat his earlier words.
“You’re obnoxious.” He shoves me this time. “But I love you and I’m glad we’re friends.”
“Me too, honey.”
I fall asleep reciting that I’m open to love, over and over again. Hoping my message comes through like a neon sign in front of Archer’s beautiful face.
Archer
“I’m fine,” Sara complains over the line.
I’ve called her three times a day, every day, since she got home and I had to go back to work. Each time, she says she’s doing fine. She’s gone to therapy twice, leaving the kids with the neighbor, and found a pre-k for the kids to go to on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. She even called Kian and set up a meeting with him for today before Focus opens.
I haven’t spoken to Kian, though. Still wanting to make sure everything goes smoothly at home.
“I know you are. Just humor your big brother, would you?”
“Fine. We’re awesome. I’m dropping the kids off with Mrs. Porter and then I’ll go to my meeting.”
“Okay. Good luck.”
“You should call him, you know.”
“Who?”
“Don’t play dumb. He asked about you when I spoke to him earlier this week.”
“What did he say?” I ask way too anxiously.
“See! I knew you wanted to talk to him.”
“Sara. What did he say?”
“You’ll have to find out yourself. I’m not your telephone service.”
I growl. “Whatever.”
“If Kian agrees to give me this job, I want you to find your own place.”
“I don’t know why you’re so stuck on me moving out.”
“Because I want to stand on my own two feet. I want to prove to myself that I can do it without my older brother being around to save me every time I stumble.”
“Can’t we wait a bit and see how things go?” I ask. I want to tell her I’m not worried about her tripping over small problems, I’m worried about her falling over big ones, but I don’t. I want her to know I believe in her.
“I know you’re worried. I’ve given you every reason to. I just wish I could show you inside my head. I spent years feeling like a fog was all around me, but everything’s clear now. And I promise I’d reach out if things got foggy again. I didn’t understand any of it before, but I understand it now, and it’s empowered me in ways I can’t explain.”
“Can we talk about this when I get home?”
“We can talk about it, yes. But it won’t change my decision.”
“Bye, Sara.”
“Don’t make me call Jax to serve you eviction papers.” She giggles and I hang up on her. Maybe she’s right, but she was in a coma three weeks ago. It feels way too soon.
I tuck my phone back in my pocket, step out from under the safety of the awning of the fish market, and head back to the boat. The beginnings of summer had just started to show themselves before a storm rolled in this morning. It’s been miserable out all day.
I fight the wind as I make my way down the dock, wondering if Kian really did ask about me. I thought I’d kept Sara off my scent about missing him, but judging by her teasing comment, I don’t think I succeeded. It doesn’t help that Emmy and Lou are constantly asking about him and when they can see him next.