I stared into his eyes; he was telling the truth. That was something at least. “How bad is it, Pete? Are y’all like devil worshippers or somethin’? Why don’t you just quit?”
He laughed mirthlessly. “Religion—in any form—isn’t exactly a factor at The Academy, so I wouldn’t worry about that,” he said, answering only one of my pointed questions.
I shiver-swayed with the wind again. “Pete, can we go back in? I’m freezin’ and startin’ to get a little woozy.”
He pursed his lips at me. “Hold on a second. It’s a beautiful night. I’m going to miss all these stars. One good thing about living out on the flat plains of nowhere is I’ve never seen such beautiful skies . . . or girls,” he added, with a brief, bruising kiss before sprinting to the Hummer. He grabbed something out of his console and tucked it into his back pocket. Then walked around to the back to grab the infamous blue jacket. I was beginning to feel like it was my jacket now, and shuddered from the thought (or from the cold I wasn’t sure which).
“You know,” I began when he jogged back to grab me, “I can think of a great deal many things I’d rather wear than this thing . . . and that includes one of Tillman Mill’s feed sacks.”
He chuckled and held out the jacket for me to slip my arms into. “Humor me, one more time,” he said, zipping me up. This made me feel a little like a child being attended to, and I frowned at the thought that he saw me that way. By this point I could hardly stand up. Unfortunately, there was nothing for us to sit down on because we were standing on what would normally be considered a front yard, but in our case consisted of dried brush with the odd cactus thrown in for unpleasant surprises. Pete held me steady in his arms while I snuggled up, deep breathing him in.
“Kate . . .” It sounded like the beginning of a goodbye.
My spine stiffened immediately. “Don’t say it yet,” I pleaded, feeling heartsick even as my stomach dropped. I clutched his arms as if I could hold him hostage here—to this spot a long ways away from his world—just a little longer.
A few more moments of me trying real hard not to cry later, and he tried again. “Kate . . .” I looked up to face my bleak future. “I only came back to pack and escort your father and brother back to San Francisco. I have to go back, be the ambassador, show them around campus, facilitate the paperwork. The mission is essentially over, honey.”
I didn’t think my heart could sink any further in my chest.
“. . . At least if all goes as expected. They’re planning on having attorneys present Monday to sign the official documents.”
“But-but we don’t even have an attorney!”
“The Academy has provided one for your father.”
“Right,” I snorted. “Very helpful that.”
“Kate, I-I just want you to be prepared . . . this could be the end. I don’t want you to do anything rash that could get you into trouble. I’m doing the best I can to help you, but you’re not making it very easy for me.”
So little time, so many questions. “Pete!” It just dawned on me he was leaving. Forever. “But there’s just one more day! What is that physical even about? Should I be worried? Is it even safe?” I gushed out questions. “I have to find out everything I can to help my brother! Pete!” My face crumpled. “Please! I love him so much! I don’t wanna lose him, too. I’m so scared!”
Pete looked down on me with pity but firm resolve. “I’ve told you everything I can.”
“Which is exactly nothin’ that’s not in the brochure. Or why you lied to me! Or why y’all feel the need for parents to give up their rights in order for their kids to attend!”
He sighed. “You didn’t take that second Vicodin, did you?”
“Why? Are you waitin’ for me to pass out, so you can run off with my brother?” I realized his bag was already packed. By me.
Pete looked pained while my ears strained for a denial. “I didn’t want to end this way with you—again. It seems like we can never have a good ending. Maybe . . . there isn’t one for us.” His voice sounded raw.
“Because you’re still masqueradin’ as a cadet. Still not bein’ forthright with me.” I pounded on his shoulders, hating his dispassionate face. “What am I even to you?” My disjointed thoughts actually came out sounding exactly right.
His eyes shifted in the moonlight. “I don’t know exactly.” I waited him out for a better answer. He shook his head, looking up, searching. “Something . . . real I need to protect for one.”
“That’s real poetic comin’ from the guy who set out to win me over with lies and deceit.”
Pete’s face fell, and when he spoke next, his voice sounded thick. “I can understand how you could feel that way, knowing what you know now. But I’ve always had your best interests at heart, Kate . . . you have to trust me.”
“I wish I could—there’s just too many unanswered questions. And until you answer them . . . I can’t.”
“And I can’t really say anything more,” he said, wrapping up.
“So this is it? We exchange email addresses and follow each other on Instagram?”
He let out a hollow laugh. “I guess so,” he said, but we both knew it was a lie.
I felt like crying. It was going so fast. Time: it was the force that couldn’t be stopped. Not water. Water could be quelled, dammed, bottled up. Not time. It couldn’t be manipulated. It was a constant, propelling us forward into the black void of our futures . . . whether we were ready or not.
“Aren’t you comin’ back tomorrow?” Desperate, even to my own ears.
Now Pete’s face crumpled a little. “Only to pick up your father and Andrew at the crack of dawn.”
“What?” I distinctly felt like I’d got my wires crossed. My concussion, sleep-starved body, and pill weren’t helping matters. “I thought they weren’t leavin’ till Monday mornin’!”
“That’s what your father wanted to let you and Mikey think.”
“So y’all tricked us!” I tried to break free, but he wouldn’t allow it.
“I’m sorry, Kate.” Pete sighed again, shaking his head. “He thought you might . . . or Mikey might . . . I don’t know exactly—sabotage the trip or something. I have to tell you the truth: I went along with it because it sounded like something you would do.” Betrayal snapped from my eyes, so he said, “I’m just trying to keep you out of trouble.”
“So you keep sayin’.” At least he told me now I consoled myself. Maybe I could still think of something to do. I was still lost in my thoughts when Pete glanced at his watch.
“It’s getting late,” he said. “I better get you in the house.”
“So this is really goodbye?” My heart felt like it was a victim of our lemon squeezer.
“I’m afraid so. I’ll maybe see you very briefly in the morning when I come for your father and Andrew. But we’ll be in a hurry. I’ve got to turn in the Humvee before heading to the Lubbock airport. Everything else is being shipped out.”