“You don’t touch her unless she asks you to, understand?” I snap at him. Paul looks at me and then to Tessa before his shoulders drop a few more inches.
Nodding, he says, “I’m so sorry, baby. I wasn’t thinking.”
The three of us, four counting Lola, who hasn’t sat down or backed down, stand there awkwardly and I realize it’s not just because of the time that’s passed between anyone saying something, but the fact that I’m there, an unwelcome guest to their little reunion.
I should leave.
Fuck, I don’t want to, though. And I don’t know if that’s what Tessa wants or not.
“Are you hungry?” Tessa finally asks Paul, breaking the ice. “I just finished making some pancakes.”
“I’m starving actually,” Paul admits with his hand going to his stomach.
Trying to figure out how to maneuver through this shitshow, I ask Tessa, “Should I go to the store and get more orange juice, or do you think we have enough?”
There. We both know there’s a full jug in the fridge and that what I’m really asking is if she wants me to leave or not.
“Oh, I think there’s enough juice for all three of us,” Tessa looks to me and replies, which means, she doesn’t want me to leave.
Great. So I’ll just play chaperone to their breakfast date.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Tessa
* * *
“So, apparently Charlotte thought Paul should come stay with you while she’s gone,” Verek grits out when we’re all sitting down at my small four-person table to eat.
“What?” I say in disbelief. How could Charlotte do this to me?
She seriously set up the plan for Paul to come and visit while she and Roman are off on their honeymoon without asking me? What she apparently didn’t know was that he would come over while a shirtless, sexy Verek was still here after an incredibly hot make-out session last night where I got off by rutting on him and he came in my mouth so hard I still taste him this morning.
I pick up my orange juice to try and swallow down those thoughts.
Paul is here, sitting at the table with us, looking at me with big red hearts in his brown eyes and acting like the perfect gentleman. I try to recall at least one of the times I gave him a blowjob. None come to mind because I don’t think he ever finished that way, too sweet to subject me to that kind of treatment. The truth is, I liked it, which is why I didn’t stop even when Verek told me to.
“I don’t have to stay here if you don’t want me to,” Paul says into the long silence. Clearing his throat, he adds, “Not sure if you have room anyway.”
“There are some really nice hotels nearby,” I remark without coming right out and saying no, causing Verek to choke a little on his juice.
“Okay, I’ll check them out,” Paul agrees with a heavy sigh of disappointment. What did he really expect? It’s been months…
I guess the same goes for Verek, but even when I was angry at him, I wanted him to stay with me, like it was a given, something that didn’t even need to be discussed. I’m still angry at him for leaving me behind here, but that’s the thing about falling in love with someone – you can’t stay mad at them no matter how hard you try.
And I am in love with Verek, have been since he sent me flowers while I was at the treatment facility and came to visit every day to talk about anything and everything other than what happened to me. Those awful first few weeks when I felt like I could never have a normal life again, Verek was there. He’s been one of the most important pieces to helping me overcome the trauma I survived and move forward, while Paul is like a distant memory of my life before it all happened. It’s not fair to Paul for me to feel this way, and I would change those feelings if I could, but it doesn’t work that way.
Deep down I know that a big part of my reluctance to ever be with Paul again is due to the different way I see myself – like I’m still dirty and broken. Why would a good man like him ever want me?
I don’t understand why Verek would want me either since he witnessed it all firsthand when he saved me from the storage facility, but at least he knows what he’s getting with me. Paul has no clue. Everything in his life is perfect, peachy. Always has been and always will be. Which is why I think he needs to be with a perfect rainbows-and-sunshine woman. Not the darkness and gloom that’s constantly hanging over my head.
What am I going to do about Paul now that he’s here? There was a reason I avoided him for months. I thought Charlotte understood that.
As if sensing my ire at her, I hear my cell phone ringing in the bedroom and know it must be her or my parents. They’re the only ones who call me besides Paul, who is sitting here staring at me. Relieved to take a break from the awkwardness, I toss my fork down and jump to my feet, heading for the bedroom. “I better get that. Be right back!” I say before I disappear. Shutting the bedroom door behind me, I pick up my phone from the bedside table.
Charlotte.
“Girl, you are in so much trouble with me,” I answer instead of a greeting.
“He’s there already?” she says. “Crap. I thought I could give you a heads-up.”
“A heads-up would’ve been nice maybe yesterday or last week or whenever you first considered asking my former fiancé to come and stay with me!” I whisper yell into the phone. “I would’ve told you it was a bad idea and not to do it.”
“Sorry,” she whines. “I know you’ve been avoiding him for, well, ever, but I worried about leaving you and thought there should be someone besides the prospects keeping you company.”
“Oh, there is someone keeping me company. Verek.”
“Verek is there?” she asks in surprise. “You mean there as in your apartment?”
“Yes! He brought me home last night and stayed and we…did stuff and then this morning Verek answered the door and there was Paul.”
“Oh jeez! That must have been awkward.”
“Must have been? How about it is very, very awkward. The three of us were just sitting down to breakfast when you called.”
“Oh wow. That’s…jeez…”
“I know!” I exclaim loud enough that the men probably heard, so I lower my voice again. “What am I supposed to do? I think I’ve convinced Paul to get a hotel room, but then what? If he insists on staying until you get back, I’m going to throw up.”
“I thought you were angry at Verek” is Charlotte’s unhelpful response.
“I was. I am. But you know how he is. A few sweet words and I’m a goner for him.”
“And you really did stuff with him? How was that?” she asks.
“It was fine. Fun. Not awkward at all, unlike breakfast.”
“You did naked stuff with him?” Charlotte asks, still sounding shocked.
“Partially naked, yes.”
“Well, Verek’s just come in and messed everything up!” she complains.
“Um, what? If anyone messed things up, it’s you for inviting Paul,” I whisper.
“I didn’t know Verek would be coming back this week or I wouldn’t have. Probably,” Charlotte responds. “Still, if you’re doing partially naked stuff with Verek, that’s a great sign that you could be ready to talk to Paul again. Maybe date him.”