But I don’t want to. Not yet, even if it would be the best thing for Tessa.
She deserves more than a murdering playboy, and I’m not sure I have more than the death of the men who hurt her and a few good times in bed to offer.
Tessa
* * *
It’s been almost a week since Verek dropped me off at Charlotte and Roman’s, and I haven’t heard a word from him. At least I’ve been able to keep busy.
“One last stop to make,” I tell Charlotte as I punch the final address into my phone so she can hear the turn by turn directions.
“How are you doing with this?” she asks.
“Fine. Really. It’s nice to be able to tell these women that they’re safe, at least from these men.” Visiting the other three victims was incredibly hard. I don’t want to relive what happened to us any more than they probably do, but knowing these men are dead could help them find a little peace. It’s definitely helped me. Now I dream more about Verek than white vans, medieval stocks, and my own muffled screams of agony.
After a heavy sigh, Charlotte says, “Is anything else wrong?”
“No, it’s just, I haven’t heard from Verek in days. Not since the night we got back.”
“Honey, don’t get your hopes up when it comes to him. Roman says he’s always gone home with a different girl every night. Even the night you were…taken. Sorry!” she says because we try to avoid this topic. “I just don’t want him leading you on. There’s no point in waiting by the phone for him to call is all I’m saying.”
“No, I know. And I figured he went home with someone else that night and that he’s on to his next conquest by now. That’s not surprising at all. You’ve seen him! The man looks like he was made for hot, out-of-this-world sex, and he certainly wasn’t going to get that from me.”
A man like Verek…well, I’m sure he needs more than an occasional shower handjob from a woman, which is all I’m currently capable of giving now, maybe forever.
“Roman says he’s going to be out of town for a while, that he needed to get away or something,” Charlotte says as she turns onto the street for our last stop. When she parks the car near the curb, she says, “The way he talked, he could be gone for a long time.”
“Yeah, okay,” I say disappointedly as I reach for the door handle. “Are you…”
“Of course I’m coming in too,” Charlotte says. “I’ll follow you to the apartment and make sure it’s hers before I give you some space.”
“Thanks,” I say as we both climb out and head inside the run-down complex. Several of the wooden steps are splintered or completely broken as we climb up to the third floor. Finding Sandy’s apartment, I give it a knock.
“Hold on! Four more…minutes!” comes Sandy’s voice from the other side, sounding out of breath and oddly specific.
“That’s her?” Charlotte asks.
“Yep, pretty sure,” I answer.
“Good. I’ll wait by the steps,” she says as she heads over, still in sight but not in hearing distance.
Right around four minutes or so later, the door opens…and a short, bald man walks out.
“Oh. Excuse me,” he says when he sees me. He steps around me as he tucks his white dress shirt back into his dark slacks before he starts toward the stairs, nodding to Charlotte on the way. Even from here I can see her eyebrows lift curiously.
“Tessa? That you?” Sandy says before she steps out of the doorway, tying a black satin robe around her waist, her dyed blonde hair messy from what was apparently a romp with the guy who just left.
“Hey! Sorry to bother you, Sandy. I just, I stopped by because I thought you would want to know that those men who took us, they won’t hurt anyone else ever again.”
“How can you know that, Strawberry Shortcake?” she asks, using the nickname she gave me at the treatment facility before she up and left at the end of the first week. Placing her hands on her hips, she cocks one to the side and stares at me skeptically.
“Because I was there when they were killed,” I quietly explain to her, causing her pale blue, bloodshot eyes to widen in surprise.
“You were?”
“Yes. All four. They’re gone.”
“That’s…I don’t know what to say…” She stares off at the wall across from the apartment silently.
“You don’t have to say anything. I just thought you may be able to sleep easier knowing.”
“Like you have any idea what my life is like? I sleep just fine, Strawberry, usually with several men coming and going through my bed.”
“That’s-that’s none of my business,” I remark and start to walk backward. I want to leave, but I’m not able to back away before I blurt out, “How do you do that exactly?”
“Do what?” Sandy asks, frowning at me.
“Sleep with men?” I whisper.
“Just say it! You mean fuck them for money?”
I shake my head. “No, I just mean, how do you let them touch you and…fuck you without freaking out, remembering what they did to us?”
“Oh. Well, avoiding sex with men is harder than just going through with it,” she mutters.
“It is?” I ask in confusion. “I’m sorry to put you on the spot. It’s just, there’s this man who I care about, and I’m able to touch him, but I don’t know if I can let him inside me…”
“Were you a prude before you were raped or just after?” she asks, causing my jaw to drop. “I’m being serious.”
“I wasn’t a prude, but I had only been with three men in my entire life. The one I was with at the time was my fiancé. Now there’s this other man…”
“Chill out. It’s really easy, Strawberry. Just close your eyes, use lots of lube, then lie back and pretend you’re somewhere else. Before you know it, it’s over and done.”
“But…but I want to be there, with him, not zone out.”
“Then I don’t know what to tell you. Pretending it’s not happening is how I get through it every time. It’s how I survived three weeks in that goddamn storage facility with those sick sons of bitches coming and going all day and night.”
“You were there for three weeks?” I exclaim in horror. “After one day I thought I was going to die.”
“Guess I’m used to enduring shit I don’t like. I’ve gotten good at disappearing during sex, at least mentally. Not like men care as long as they get theirs.”
“Right,” I agree. I could probably suck it up and do that with Paul if I had to, but with Verek, I want him and would want to be there with him every second he’s inside of me.
“Look, Strawberry, if you’re not ready to fuck him, just stick with oral. He won’t care as long as he’s getting his dick sucked on the regular. And what woman doesn’t love having a man go down on her? He can’t hurt your delicate little pussy when he’s just licking it.”
“That’s…a good point,” I agree. “Thanks for talking to me about this, Sandy,” I tell her. This isn’t something I can easily talk to Charlotte about.