“The kids are already down for the night.” Lilly smiled at him as she waved a baby monitor. “We fed them early so we could enjoy a quiet evening.”
“I was looking forward to tickling them,” he joked.
“Next time.” Lilly hugged him. “Adam says dinner’s almost ready.”
As he moved further into their home, he glanced around. He’d been in their place more times than he could count. “Did Sarah drop Bella off yet?”
Lilly glanced towards the stairs. “She went up and laid down.” She touched his arm. “She looked tired when she got here. She made some excuse about how the kids had worn her out, but there was sadness behind her eyes. I think something else happened.”
He stiffened and glanced towards the stairs.
“Third door on the right.” Lilly nudged him towards the stairs.
When he opened the door, the room was dark, but he could just make out a bump in the middle of the bed. Moving over, he sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her.
She rolled over and for a moment he thought she would go willingly into his arms, but then she stiffened and sat up.
“Sorry.” She glanced around then ran her hands over her face. “I must have fallen asleep.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked, wishing for a little more light so that he could see her face clearly.
“Better,” she said as she moved to get off the bed. He helped her stand and felt her stiffen in his arms.
He wanted to ask her what the problem was, but she made her way towards the bedroom door. “I’d better go see if I can help Lilly.”
He stood in the bedroom for a moment, wondering what he’d done to cause her cold shoulder, then followed her downstairs.
Dinner was nice, if he didn’t focus on the fact that Bella pretty much ignored him the entire meal. She talked quietly with Lilly while Adam and he joked about sports, fishing, and work.
Still, he figured she was tired or fighting off a headache.
When dinner was over, instead of letting the couple talk them into staying a little longer, he faked being tired and excused them. Normally, he would have walked to their place, but since he’d read that it was supposed to rain that evening, he’d pulled out his Jeep and had driven the few blocks. Now, he was thankful he had. As he helped Bella up into the Jeep, he realized just how tired she was.
“Tired?” he asked as he got behind the wheel.
“Yes,” she said softly as she looked out the window as he drove. Just as he pulled into his driveway, she turned to him and added. “I didn’t know you had a Jeep.”
“There’s probably lots about me you haven’t discovered yet,” he joked as he parked in his garage and shut off the engine.
The last thing he expected was tears to flood her eyes. “Hey, what’s all this about?” He reached for her, but she jerked back.
“I didn’t know you had a sister either.” It was like a punch to the gut. His hand dropped away, and he felt his pulse jump. “One that you supposedly killed.” She reached for the Jeep door.
He closed his eyes. No matter how long it had been, no matter how many times he’d talked himself out of it, tears still stung his eyes as his breath caught in his chest.
“Calvin?” Bella’s voice broke through the haze of the nightmare that always came with the memories. When she touched his arm, this time it was him that jerked away.
“I told you, there’s lots about me you wouldn’t like,” he spat out, knowing it was for the best. What had he been thinking? He didn’t deserve Happy Ever Afters. Bella was too… perfect. Too good for him.
He knew that he’d screw it up. He always did. That’s what his parents had believed. That’s why they’d sent him away to boarding school. Because he was a fuckup.
“Calvin, talk to me.” She shook his shoulder. Instead of responding, he climbed out of the Jeep and marched into the house with her on his heels.
“What?” He turned around, angry now. Not at her, but at himself for letting down his guard. For believing he deserved being with her. To think that he was good enough that she would move in here with him and he could just ignore the fact that he was the reason his sister wasn’t alive.
“What happened?” she asked, moving over to him.
“Don’t you know?” He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. After a sip of it, he frowned and set it down, reaching for a soda instead. He paced the floor as she watched him.
“No, I guess I don’t,” she answered with a frown. “Maggie—”
He turned on her. “Your agent?”
She nodded slowly as she bit her bottom lip. He could see the concern in her eyes, which had replaced the weariness from earlier. “She… well, after the picture was leaked of us on the sailboat… your sailboat,” she corrected with a tilt of her head, “she didn’t want the press to be able to find any dirt on you…”
“So, she found it herself?” He set the can of soda down and walked over to the back doors and slid them open. He stepped out into the cool night air, just as the first raindrops hit. Thankfully, there was enough overhang on the roof that he would stay dry as he gulped in the fresh air.
“She wouldn’t have had to say anything to me if you’d told me yourself,” she said from behind him.
He turned and looked at her. The light from the kitchen behind her cast a glow around her as if reaffirming that she was untouchable. He turned away from her and leaned against the railing to look out over the stormy water below them.
“I told you from the beginning this wouldn’t work.” He closed his eyes on the pain of losing her. He’d lost so much early on in his life; he should have been used to it by now.
Her arms wrapped around his waist as she turned him towards her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”
He shook his head. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably not as bad as what really happened.”
Her eyes narrowed, then she shook her head. “You could never harm someone on purpose. You don’t have it in you.”
“How do you know?” he asked as her arms tightened around him.
“Because…” She reached up and touched his chest. “It’s in here.” She smiled up at him. “I was blindsided and I’m sorry I didn’t defend you.”
“There’s nothing to defend.” He wanted to push her away, but she was holding onto him too tight and, besides, it felt too good.
She asked. “Does my brother know?”
He sighed. “Yes, it happened months before we met. He was the only one who wanted to be friends with me at school when all the other kids had labeled me a baby killer.” He shook his head on the painful memories. “She wasn’t a baby. Kelly was…” His throat closed as love and loss battled in his mind. “She was smart. She was so smart, and she was running around, everywhere. So full of energy.”
He hadn’t realized tears were sliding down his cheek until Bella reached up and wiped them away with her fingers.
“You loved her,” she said with a slight smile.
“Of course, I did. We all did. She was the best of the family.” He sighed. “She was the only thing that held us together. After her death… things changed. Everyone changed.”