‘Come and play with your plane any time,’ she said.
‘Give it to Douglas,’ Tommy shouted over his shoulder as he ran down the street.
Ruby relayed what had happened to Beatty on their way home, and both came up with different ways of tracking down his mother. They chatted about it over their evening meal, but Fred didn’t share their enthusiasm.
‘There’s a reason the boy hasn’t brought his mother to meet you. And why that Earl is cagey about where she is all the time.’ Fred filled his pipe with tobacco, and Ruby went to reply, but he held up his pipe to silence her.
‘Ruby, I know you want to help, but I think it’s safer if you leave it alone. Don’t stir up trouble for yourselves. You’ve seen what the man’s like; not only that, he might make life more miserable for the kiddie. For what it’s worth, my opinion is Earl’s controlling both of them, and it doesn’t pay to fight a bully if another is involved.’
‘You’re as worried as we are, Fred, I can tell, but we must do something,’ Ruby said.
‘I am; the poor lad has a life we don’t understand, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to meddle in his affairs – Earl’s, I mean.’ Fred puffed on his pipe.
Frustrated by his seeming reluctance to help Tommy, Ruby snapped out a response.
‘Does it mean we are right in ignoring Tommy, then?’
With an irritated sigh, reminding Ruby of her father whenever she’d argue, Fred held out his fingers as he counted off several points he wanted to get across to her. ‘Think about it. One, we know nothing about their lives before Coventry. Two, he’s got an aunt to look out for him too, remember? And three, Tommy hasn’t asked us to help him, no matter how many times we’ve offered or hinted. It’s all too complicated for us to unravel and stick our noses into. No, I say we forget about the whys and wherefores and carry on as we are when the lad turns up. We go around the houses with his mystery every night, and after Earl’s behaviour last time he paid a visit, I say leave well alone.’
Ruby opened her mouth to speak, but Beatty beat her to it. ‘As much as I hate to admit it, after listening to the old fool, I actually think Fred’s right. We keep planning how to care for the child, how to make his life better, but who knows if we’re actually making it worse? He’s got an old head on young shoulders and he’s streetwise, that much is obvious. His aunt features a lot in his life, and seemed to have a bob or two in her pocket at some time in her life, but where is she now, eh? Maybe Londoners behave different when it comes to bringing up children.’
‘But –’
‘No, Ruby. For once I’m going to put my foot down. Beatty and I are far too old to be worrying about who is going to shout at you next, or knock the door down. Please do this one thing we ask. As your new guardian, I am telling you this is how it is to be from now on. I’ve respected you’re more mature than most your age, but in some things you are not experienced enough to deal with the outcome. It is my place to make the decision which will protect you.’
Fred puffed out his words between inhaling and exhaling on his pipe. Ruby looked to Beatty.
‘I think Fred’s summed it up and said all there is to be said. We’ll leave well alone and keep you safe. Tommy is someone else’s responsibility. And, talking of responsibility, we’ve made you ours, despite you thinking it’s the other way around, and I’ve a feeling we need to have a chat about a certain young soldier.’ Beatty reached out and squeezed Ruby’s hand. ‘Fred’s volunteered to make the cocoa, so I think we’ll get to it, young lady. Let’s sit in the comfy seats.’
Fred stood up and looked at Ruby with a comical face. ‘Getting forgetful in my old age. Can’t recall volunteering for anything in my life, let alone making three cups of cocoa, but if our friend Beatty here says I have, well, who’s going to argue? I’ll leave you two to it and do my duty.’
Curling her legs up under her on her favourite chair, Ruby felt the love in the room and knew this was the right time to have a difficult conversation.
CHAPTER 26
15th November 1941
October came and went with Ruby heeding the advice from Beatty the night they had their heart-to-heart in September. She’d shared her feelings for John, and her guilt about sometimes forgetting times with her family. Beatty encouraged her to write a diary and bought her one the following day. From the moment she received it, Ruby spent time relating back to the day her world had fallen apart.
Occasionally, there were lighter moments but, on the whole, Ruby noticed a pattern of solemn thoughts and days of deep contemplation. Fred, Helen and Beatty featured as her life-savers. A page for each family member held only cheerful memories, but each one was marked with a black cross and their entry date ended 14-11-1940. Ruby couldn’t add an exact time they’d all died, and drew a line under each one ending her visits to that page. There was no going back, only forward. The journal became her daily habit, and each person who had entered her life giving a reason for her to acknowledge them received a short entry or, in some cases, several pages. Every night, Ruby spent time respecting the reason for Beatty’s purchase, and gained strength from her efforts.
Earl claimed no pleasant comments, nor gained doodles beside his name, unlike Tommy, whose pages were filled with amusing stories, sad snippets and smiling sunshine images scrawled around his name.
Then there was John’s page. He earned four pages from the onset, followed by more each time she thought of him. Around his name she’d scribbled decorations of the Union Jack flag, a camera, green leaves and one red heart. When she thought of their first meeting, she allowed words to touch the page she’d never say out loud, and would never share with anyone she knew. The more she wrote the more she fretted over another reading its content, and found a suitable box with a lock to store it and the photograph of John inside. She pushed it to the back of a drawer for peace of mind. She trusted both Beatty and Fred with her life, and knew they’d never betray her trust. Her reason for secrecy was purely from embarrassment at describing a man, who others would consider a stranger, as the person she’d marry, and of her willingness to carry his children. She jotted down intimate thoughts and shocked herself with their baseness, and wondered where she’d learned their meaning. Her hands wandered over her body after writing tender moments she’d shared with him whilst looking through the lens of his camera. Her fingers found tender spots she had no choice but to explore. After each silent, breathless discovery, Ruby also experienced a sense of shame, but nonetheless wrote down each experience. After she’d written, she was tempted to scrub them from the page, but again, it mystified her how memories of a brief hand-touching moment between a couple could bring such hot flesh moments. Had her parents experienced the same? Could they see her? Still the thought of even being discovered by those looking over her never stopped the thrill of imagining John’s flesh against hers. Had Fred shared the same thoughts and desires about his wife before they’d married? And Beatty with the man who’d sent a surge of pulsating adoration throughout her body by just walking into the room – did she feel guilty and at times shameful of having no self-control? Some days, Ruby wondered if every female kept a diary, for she found it hard to imagine her thoughts being put into words just to release the pent-up excitement they induced.