Not wanting to rush him from the house but eager to stay in control of her emotions, Ruby held out her hand for him to shake. John frowned and took her hand and she noticed his clenched jaw. His head moved with the slightest of flicks towards the door and his eyes widened, and Ruby sensed they sent a message that he wanted to speak alone.
‘I’ll see you out,’ said Ruby, and knew this was a chance to offer a small hint of her feelings for him.
They walked down the side of the house and stopped before they reached the street.
‘John … Before you go, I want to tell you something.’
John looked down at her and Ruby desperately wanted to feel his lips on hers. The depth of feeling she had for him scared her. He put his finger on her lips. ‘Shh. It will keep. I have to go. I’ll write, I promise,’ he said.
‘Kiss me, John. Kiss me before you go.’
In what she knew Beatty would call a brazen act, she put her arms around his neck and moved her hips tight into his. She crushed her lips to his and he gave in to her demand. A few seconds later he manoeuvred her away from him.
‘I’ve longed to do this, but would never presume you wanted the same.’ John’s lips teased her face with light kisses, and soon they lingered on her lips in another urgent moment of passion. John eventually eased himself away from her and Ruby saw tears glisten in his eyes.
‘I’ll try and come back to you, Ruby. I can’t make any promises. Give me a smile to take with me.’ John lifted her chin and kissed her again, and when they parted she gave him a shy smile.
‘Stay safe, John. I’ll wait for you, I promise. Just come back to me.’
Ruby leaned back into the shadows and listened to the last echo of John’s footsteps as he walked away, before returning inside.
‘All right, duck?’ Beatty asked and glanced up from her knitting.
‘Fine. Why wouldn’t I be?’ Ruby replied, a little sharper than she’d intended.
‘Touchy. Show respect,’ Fred said with a tut.
‘Leave it, Fred,’ Beatty warned, and gave Ruby a knowing look.
Before leaving for her bedroom, Ruby spoke to them both. ‘I’m tired, sorry. It was kind of John to drop by and ask to keep in touch with us all. It shows we made an impression with our friendship. I don’t like the thought of him – or anyone we know – putting themselves in danger. I realise it is war, but it still upsets me they’ve put their lives in danger to protect us.’
‘So, he’s just a friend then?’ Fred remarked and Ruby scowled at him.
‘Will you give over, Fred?’ Beatty’s telling off continued as Ruby left them to go to her room. She pulled out the photograph she’d taken of John. She touched her lips and remembered their kiss, but it brought no comfort. The dull ache of loss had returned, and a black sorrow overwhelmed her. Every day was a challenge, fraught with worry about rationing, escaping bombs, and now she added Tommy and John to her list. Her heart sank when she thought of John leaving, and the possibility she might never see him again. Ruby prayed their kiss wouldn’t be their last. Or that he’d move onto another girl, one closer to his age and not a cripple.
Placing his picture back in the drawer, Ruby readied herself for bed and cried into her pillow until the early hours of the morning.
CHAPTER 24
The morning showed itself to be as damp and miserable as Ruby felt, and she walked beside Beatty as far as Helen’s office in silence. Beatty made small talk, and Ruby was thankful for her discretion in not mentioning John, or her reaction to Fred the previous evening.
‘I’ll be about half hour, Beatty. See you later. I hope Earl doesn’t come causing trouble today; I’m really not in the mood. Just make him a brew and give him the newspaper to read.’
‘He’ll feel the sharp end of my broom if he steps out of line,’ Beatty said.
‘I think the defence unit should arm our women with them and send us to fight off the enemy. You’re scary when you’ve a broom in your hand, Beatty,’ Ruby said and dropped a kiss on Beatty’s cheek and they both laughed before going their separate ways.
Helen’s office was in a state of disarray when Ruby entered, and she stood back to allow a tall man carrying several boxes to leave the room.
Helen looked up from her kneeling position in front of a large filing cabinet. She was flanked by orderly piles of paper. The face which turned to look at Ruby wasn’t a bright smiling one. Dark circles under sad eyes told of illness and distress.
‘Gracious, Helen. What on earth is going on?’
‘I’m leaving, and my files are moving to Housing and other departments. I was going to come and tell you later,’ Helen said and rose from the floor, stretching her back and knees.
‘Leaving? What – office or town?’ Ruby asked.
‘I’ve had a telegram. My sister’s husband was killed and she needs my support. I telephoned her and it’s obvious she needs the support of someone, and I’m her last living relative. I’ve agreed to move in with her. She lives in Yorkshire. Lovely house. Plenty of room and fresh air. News of Coventry last year sent her into a pit of despair … Now she’s a widow, she only has me to worry about, and it’s made her quite … I hate to say it, but mad.’ Helen dipped her head, and Ruby could see she was burdened by grief and worry. She had no intention of adding to it, although not having Helen in her life would be strange.
‘I’ll be lost without you, but family comes first. Of course you must go to your sister,’ Ruby whispered.
She watched Helen rub her eyes and pull her cardigan around her body. She stood with her arms folded. Shaking her head and returning to her task, Helen spoke soft and low.
‘I have to go, Ruby. It’s not that I don’t care about you, but my sister needs my help too. Either way, I’ll feel I’ve let one of you down, but you are thriving, and she isn’t.’ Helen sniffed, and Ruby knew she was crying.
Walking over to Helen, Ruby knelt down beside her and placed her hand in Helen’s trembling one. Helen leaned back on her heels, released her hand from Ruby’s grasp and touched her face – a tender, motherly touch.
‘Live your own life, Ruby. I’ll give Fred and Beatty all the information they need to help you with your finances. It’s not hard, and the solicitor will help transfer guardianship. I have to go, I’m sorry.’
Rising to her feet, Ruby looked down at Helen and a pang of guilt flurried around her. Helen had to go, and Ruby had no right to try and stop her.
‘I understand, I do. I’m not selfish, but I envy your sister. We can write and, who knows, I might get to visit Yorkshire one day.’
Helen also stood up and patted down her skirt.
‘Who knows? You keep doing what you’re doing, Ruby. You’ve clawed your way back and I couldn’t be prouder. Give me a hug to take with me.’
Holding Helen, Ruby knew it would be the last time they would have such close contact. With a heavy heart, she kissed Helen’s cheek and walked away. Words were not needed. She refused to say goodbye; it was a word which was all too familiar in her life and wounded her every time she said it. She’d heard someone say her soul must be battered and bruised by now. Ruby had never thought of having a soul before the loss of so many in her life, but assumed the constant ache she carried with her was a damaged one. A place where she carried all her sorrow. If only she could empty it and move forward. Her life appeared to take one step in a positive direction, and then two steps back. How were you supposed to deal with such things when the very people surrounding you were dealing with their own demons and issues? And each time someone set you up for seeing light at the end of a very long tunnel they disappeared. Beatty and Fred, her beloved friends, were all she had left, and Ruby was determined to ensure their lives were happy, comfortable and peaceful and they had no reason to leave – until death took them, of course. The inevitable. Ruby shooed the thought from her mind.