Ruby nodded – a shy nod of embarrassment for creating such a scene. Then, as his lips touched hers, she chided herself for allowing the serious side of what had happened to be overshadowed by a kiss.
‘In one way, but not another. Yes, for coming here and remembering I might need a friend, but not for the photograph. I don’t want a reminder set to paper; it will not allow me to move on. If ever I opened a magazine or newspaper and saw it, the guilt of walking away from them –’ Ruby pointed to where the crater had once been ‘– and leaving their souls unattended … well, I … I’d hate myself all over again. I’ve moved them to the cemetery with my gran – in my mind, and until I heard your camera take that away I was coping.’
Reaching out and taking her other hand, John turned her to face him again. He reached out and tucked a random curl back into place.
‘I cannot open the camera here, as I will lose a lot of important – tragic – images from Dieppe, Puys, where I’ve just returned from. I’m heading back to HQ to hand them over, but I promise – promise – I will not print yours. I will destroy the negative. Erase the moment.’ John’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I seem to always be asking for your forgiveness, but I truly need it right now. You’ve taught me another valuable lesson, Ruby: I must not take for granted I have the right to capture pain.’
Touched by his desperate plea and taking more notice of his fragile state, her heart went out to him and, with no hesitation, Ruby pulled John in for another kiss. This time it was celebrated with a wolf-whistle from a passing van of American soldiers, cheering John on.
Before she could say any more, John’s lips were on hers. The ache and tension within her body released itself as she gave in to the kiss. With one swift movement, John was down on one knee. Her hand went to her mouth when she realised what he was doing.
He looked up at her with pleading eyes. ‘Ruby Shadwell, marry me. Make it permanent.’
And there it was – the moment Ruby had dreamt of every night since she’d met John. His proposal. His promise of life ever after. Love had found Ruby a reason to live. Her mind flashed back to her mother’s smile, knowing she’d approve of John and her smile would have beamed out her approval of this very moment. She imagined her father’s polite cough, always offered when he was embarrassed by emotional gestures of affection, of Lucy and James whooping with delight, and Ruby pressed her hands together; this was not a time for tears but a time to celebrate her and John. Her emotions raced along at the same speed as her heart. She’d experienced many life-changing moments, but with John down on one knee, loving her with such a fierceness, she doubted she’d ever experience anything like it again.
Aware his knee probably ached against the rubble, and not wanting him to think she was hesitating for the wrong reasons, Ruby pulled him to his feet.
‘Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you. I love you and cannot imagine life without you.’
Her arms went around his neck and he pulled her to him so close she felt they were one body. She heard a cheer and clap from the onlookers but blocked them out. The dark fog of her temper lifted and her mind filled with a peace she’d not experienced for years.
Eventually, they pulled back from one another. John gripped her arm as if in fear she’d walk away, but Ruby stood with no intention of leaving him again.
‘The shop’s empty,’ she whispered, and put her hand into John’s, allowing him to lead her away from the past and into a future filled with hope.
CHAPTER 32
15th November 1942
My dearest John,
I don’t know where you are in the world, but want you to know I’m always thinking of you. Fred and Beatty send their love, and Tommy said love is soppy for boys, so just to say ’ello. He is settling down really well, and is a lovely child. His mother has missed out, but we count our blessings. He’s cheeky and cheerful, just what we needed in our lives. Today, as you can imagine, is a painful one, but bless him, he drew me a picture of a bright sun with us four standing holding hands. As with true child’s honesty, I have one leg so short I wonder how I’m still standing.
I’ve given us a lot of thought. You mentioned the war ending, and our lives beginning. When that happens – I refuse to say if – when it happens, what an exciting time for us both. My ring sparkles in the sunlight, and Beatty said she’s a little jealous as she skipped the engagement part. I know she is teasing. Fred talks about his girl’s fiancé, as if I’m his daughter. Thank you for understanding my request for using the Shadwell name, and Ruby Shadwell-Clayton sounds la-di-da but oh, so right! I cannot wait until the war ends and we set our wedding date. I know we wanted to marry straight away, but I understand Beatty and Fred’s reasoning now. Besides, we might have enough ingredients for a proper wedding cake by then!
The business is thriving, and I’m in talks with another landlord about a second shop. I will move the jewellery and clocks into that one and Fred will be with me, leaving Beatty and her friend Violet running Shadwell’s Buy and Sell. I’ve decided to choose another name, and Tommy suggested Tick-Tock Repairs. I’m not sure it’s what I’d envisaged, but as it keeps him happy I use it as the temporary one. His tale-telling is less and less these days, and it’s good to know a story has truth to it when he shares them with us, unlike in the past.
I received a lovely letter from your parents yesterday. They look forward to us visiting after we are married, and returning the visit to us in England. They are extremely understanding of your staying here in Coventry. You must have written quite a letter explaining my – our – reasons, and I love you with every bone in my body for giving up Canada for me.
The day is as grey as I expected, but I will go to the cemetery and speak with my family. I am sure some folk think I’m a little touched in the head when they hear me standing there chattering to a mound of earth. The amusing thing is, it is doing that which keeps me sane!
Take care, my darling, and I look forward to seeing you again and enjoying one of your kisses. The last one still sends shivers down my spine – as does … well, you remember.
My loving wishes. Always, stay safe.
Ruby xx
January 1943
My darling Ruby,
Your letter cheered me up, and thank you for writing to let me know my parents have written. Their letters to me are supportive and they love me enough to allow me my dream of marrying you. If our lives are to be filled with the magic of our last night together in October, I cannot wait. When I am restless, I calm myself down with images of your beautiful body lying next to mine. It was wonderful.
I’m told I will be travelling a lot more soon, and will get as many letters written to you as I can. I wish I could share with you the sights I see – not the dreadful ones, but when I am home and the war has ended, I will get permission to take you to London to see some of those which are not so top secret.
Take care, my darling,
John xx
Dearest John,
I miss you. I love you. There is nothing more to say.
I’ve written to thank your parents for their wonderful Christmas gift. The food hamper was filled with so many treats, I thought Tommy was going to faint!