Tina came up behind them and grimaced at the stench coming from the room. ‘I told you not to put her in the Titanic, didn’t I?’ She stalked in and put the back of her hand to the woman’s mouth. ‘Panic over. No one’s going down with this Ship ’cos she ain’t bleeding dead. Food poisoning, I reckon, by the colour of that puke.’
‘She’s so white though.’ Lucas’s voice was full of panic.
‘That’s her natural colour,’ Danny added without thinking, just stopping himself from adding, ‘all over.’
The woman then started to regain consciousness; she murmured something, causing both men to swear and bolt for the door, with Tina hastening after them. She closed the door behind them as quickly as possible before the ailing guest fully came round and saw them.
Shooing the boys down the stairs, Tina turned back to the Titanic room and knocked briskly on the door. ‘Housekeeping!’ she sang out.
Anna Wallace groaned. ‘You’d better come in,’ she said in a weak voice. Tina held her breath and entered as the woman hot-footed it to the bathroom and began to loudly retch.
As Tina began opening windows to let some icy-cold fresh air in, the woman reappeared with a wet stain on her dress where she had attempted to wash some dried sick off. She was carrying a glass of water.
‘That’s it now,’ she managed. ‘It’s all gone and I should start feeling better soon.’ She managed a grim smile. ‘I’m Scottish. I can drink ten barrels more than that and no’ be sick.’ The strong Glaswegian accent had a croak to it. ‘That was a prawn, I’m telling ya. Only one of those pishy little pink things makes me as ill as this.’
‘I thought you had our tuna dish,’ Tina offered.
‘I categorically told that woman who checked me in, that I was allergic to prawns.’
‘And I know for a fact that there are no shellfish in that tuna dish. We have a full list of allergy warnings listed on the menu, too.’
But knowing that her words were falling on deaf ears, Tina saw not only the Ship Hotel’s third Seaside Star but also its whole reputation fly over her head, out of the window and deep into the English Channel. ‘Here.’ She handed the woman a key. ‘I’ve just serviced the Mary Rose, why don’t you take your things and get yourself ready in there. Would you like me to wash your dress for you too?’
With the woman now safely stowed in the other room, Tina looked out of the window to the already busy grotto below. Davina was smiling sweetly, taking money and bookings for Father Christmas, and from a distance, without her specs on, it looked to Tina as if there could even be a reindeer lying down in the pen too. Fetching her cleaning kit from the upstairs kitchen, she lugged it into the Titanic, pulled out her rubber gloves and filled her bucket with hot water under the bath taps. Then she squirted in some magic cleaner, swished it around and began to furiously tackle the pungent mess before her, employing her full and fruity range of swear words as she did so.
CHAPTER 38
‘I can’t see what it is.’ Josh was peering close to his computer screen to try and make out what the white stick was that Rosa was holding up. ‘Is it a pen?’
‘Joshua Smith, no, it’s not a pen. Guess again?’
‘Mary’s magic wand.’ He laughed at his own joke.
‘No husband, it’s a pregnancy test.’
‘Oh my God!’ Josh jumped up so she couldn’t see his face and did a little dance. He sat back down abruptly. ‘How did that happen?’
‘I’m not drawing you a picture,’ Rosa teased. ‘Queenie warned me about men like you. A friend of Ned’s had seven kids, and his wife used to say that he only had to hang his shirt on the bedpost and she would get pregnant.’
‘Solid sperm, that’s what I have. Competing for swimming in the next Olympics. We’ve barely had sex since Little Ned was born though.’
‘I know, and I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be silly. We’ve both been knackered. But bingo! He shoots, he scores!’
‘Do you have to be so coarse?’
‘Yes, I do. And I think we need to make up for this lack of lurve-making over Christmas. I’m gagging here.’
‘Don’t talk about gagging, the sickness has already started.’
‘Poor you.’ Josh stuck out his bottom lip. ‘So, when are you due?’
‘Get this, the same date as Little Ned, I reckon.’
‘And he’ll be two, right?’
‘One! I’m not an elephant, Josh, it’s just the usual nine months’ gestation.’
Josh laughed out loud. ‘Amazing! OK, that’s going to be a challenge.’
‘We’ll be fine between us.’
‘Yeah, we will. I’ll make sure I fully play my part this time. When did you find out?’
‘This morning – it’s such early days. I will call the doctor tomorrow and get my appointments sorted.’
‘I’m so happy, Rosa.’
‘So am I, surprisingly. I can’t wait to see you.’
‘Me too. Where’s my son?’
‘He’s napping and I don’t want to wake him. I took a video of him last night playing and shrieking in the bath, I will send it to you after.’
‘Bless him.’
‘He has two teeth come through now.’
‘That’s early, isn’t it?’
‘Your baby knowledge is exemplary, Daddy Smith. Well, apart from the basic fundamental of how long they are carried for.’
He laughed. ‘Any other news?’
‘Mum and Kit seem to be going from strength to strength, and Mum is going to be working for him at the funeral directors.’
‘Her dream job,’ Josh said in a silly voice. ‘Yeah, right – and rehearsals are going well for the Carol-oke, are they?’
‘They start tonight. I think it will be hilarious. And you, dear husband, are obviously earmarked to sing in my group.’
Josh groaned. ‘You know I’m tone deaf. I was thinking more of being a wise man and offering to look after Little Ned.’
‘Ha! Very good and OK, that’s a deal. Ritchie is minding Theo and Stuart has all the Cliss kids, so you can have a drink with them and watch.’
‘Sounds far more civilised.’
‘By the way, the Grotty Grotto as I call it has opened at the Ship. It’s lovely actually – so Christmassy. This’ll make you laugh: Tina only went and ordered a five-metre Christmas tree instead of a five foot one. It’s massive and kind of swings in the breeze.’
‘Ha! Brilliant! I bet the beach is buzzing too.’
‘It really is. And Amira is getting on so well in the café. Nate needed the support, with Sara going away.’
‘It’s all going on then.’
‘Yup, and the hotel inspector was in the Ship last night. I was going to pop in earlier and get the rundown but the little one was hungry, so I came back here.’
‘How did they suss out it was the inspector? I thought you weren’t supposed to know.’
‘Jacob had realised it was her when she went to them and he described her to me. I couldn’t not fess up that I knew.’