“But you love him,” Chris says quietly, looking at his lap. I chuckle and wipe away the single tear that has escaped. I feel like a complete idiot for having to admit it.
“Yes.” I laugh at myself because I’m a joke, a complete and utter joke. I start to feel claustrophobic in the truck. I let down my window for some fresh air.
“Are you okay?” Chris asks, growing concerned. I haven’t been okay in a long time but no less okay than I’ve been the past week.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, thinking that if I keep saying it enough maybe I will be. I let out a deep breath and slap my hands on my lap. I look over at Chris who’s looking at me as if I'm a lost puppy.
“I really am, Chris. Thank you for letting me listen to that,” I say, plastering my fake smile on my face and wiping the wetness from my eyes. I grab Caylen’s diaper bag off the floor and open my door to get out.
“I’ll help you up, Lauren,” he says quickly getting out of the truck. I’m a little taken aback at how fast he gets out. It’s not that big a deal. I’m used to juggling Caylen and her diaper bag, but it’s cute. He’s much better at getting Caylen out of her seat than putting her in, but she’s sleeping so that makes it a little easier. I head toward the door of the Inn but he steps ahead of me to open the door. That’s also cute.
“Mr. Scott!”
I look back at Chris surprised.
“Amanda, hi. A little late for you to be working, isn’t it?” he says. His voice has changed; it’s deeper and a bit more authoritative. His posture’s even straightened. The girl at the desk giggles and twirls the ends of her hair. She can’t be more than seventeen and the way her face has flushed pink, I think she has a crush. Not that I blame her.
“It’s not even 9:30 and I’m not a kid,” she says with a shrug and a flirtatious smile, and for the first time, she notices me and the child he’s holding.
“Oh my God, she’s so pretty,” she says, glancing over at Caylen. She’s asleep, her face resting on Chris shoulder. He walks closer to the counter and turns so she can get a better look.
“She’s adorable,” she squeals. “Is she your niece?” she asks, touching Caylen’s hand. My stomach drops. Of course, she wouldn’t think she’s his daughter. No one knows about her or me. I feel my chest tighten, wondering what he’s going to say. If he’ll be ashamed or embarrassed. I don’t think I’ll be able to take it if he is.
“She’s my daughter,” he answers proudly. The girl's eyes widen, and I let out the breath I was holding. I didn’t expect him to say it so simply.
“Oh,” is all she can manage to say.
“This is her mother, Lauren,” he says, and she looks over at me, her mouth agape. I definitely didn’t expect him to add that.
“Hi,” she says, barely above a whisper.
“We met earlier when I checked in,” I say. She looks as shocked as I am relieved. I suddenly feel light and there’s a joy coursing through me. He hasn’t really done anything but to hear him say that feels good. Even though I’m not really sure who she is to him, or if she’s important at all. It feels good that we’re not a dirty little secret.
“Right. Room five,” she says, recovering from her initial reaction.
“Yup,” I nod.
“Did you need anything?” she says tightly.
“No I’m fine.” I shake my head and start up the stairs to my room.
“Good night, Amanda,” Chris says and follows me to my room.
“See you, Mr. Scott,” she calls out after us. It’s so much easier to unlock the room when I’m not juggling Caylen. I open the door and flick on the lights.
“This room's bigger than your last one,” he says as he comes in behind me. He noticed. The room I had the last time I was here was tiny.
“It was only an extra thirty dollars,” I say, closing the door behind him. He stands for a bit in observation. There are toys scattered about but the bed’s made and the room is neat. He walks over and sits on the sofa. He carefully takes off Caylen’s coat and shoes so as to not wake her.
“You’re pretty good at this,” I say, a little surprised as I take off my own coat and shoes.
“Really?” he asks, with a wide smile that makes me forget what I just said.
“I’ve never been around kids this little,” he says honestly.
“Well you’re doing really well,” I tell him, fixing the space on the bed for her. He lays her down, then kisses her on the cheek. It’s moments like these that make all the drama I’ve gone through today worth it.
“So your first full day as a dad. How does it feel?” I joke with him. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and smiles.
He chuckles. “Not too bad.” He gestures towards the couch.
“Sure,” I say. He sits down, stretching out his long legs. I should have already offered him a seat. He’s wearing a brown pair of Timberland boots and jeans, his big khaki jacket is back.
“So. Mr. Scott?” I ask him curiously, remembering the girl downstairs.
“Oh, Amanda. She’s a student at the school where I teach,” he says simply, and my mouth falls open.
“You’re a teacher?” I ask surprised.
“Well. A substitute, “he says modestly.
“That’s great. So you have your bachelor’s degree?” I ask him and he nods.
Wow.
Cal didn’t have any respect for or interest in higher education.
“So Amanda was one of your students,” I guess.
“Yeah, I think she might have a crush on me.” He laughs. Thinks? I’m sure she and every other girl in his school.
“Yeah, I think you broke her heart when you told her you had a daughter.” I giggle, and he shrugs.
“So how are we going to do this?” he asks, adjusting his position so he’s facing me. His demeanor changes so abruptly that I’m caught off guard. “I mean with Caylen. I really want to be involved. My parents love her. I know we live pretty far apart but we can make this work, right?” he asks for my assurance and I nod.
“Yeah. Caylen has really taken to you guys. Whatever I can do to make things easier,” I say honestly. And I see the worry on his face disappear.
“Good,” he says, his eyes light up and it causes my stomach to do flips.
Chapter 32
Lauren
“You’re what?” Raven doesn’t even try to remove the sharpness from her voice.
“It’s just going to be three weeks. It’s not that big a deal,” I say calmly as I brush out my hair. Truth is, I’m far from calm about this. I’m nervous, a little scared, and anxious. But I can’t let Raven see that I’m unsure about this. When I talked to Chris about going back for three weeks it was so easy to say yes while looking into those warm green eyes. They’re coaxing and intoxicating. He has a way of easing you into doing what he wants with a shy smile and bright eyes. I would have told him I’d wear a clown suit and heels just to be near him. At the time, it didn’t seem complicated or like a dumb idea at all. It wasn’t even a big deal. But as the time for me to go approaches, I begin to see the problem. It is a big deal, and it’s a very big deal to Raven. She’s tapping her foot, her arms folded across her chest as she’s standing in my bedroom.