“This is a really nice place,” I admit stuffing my hands in my pocket.
“Yeah, thanks,” she sort of laughs then shakes her head.
“You chose everything in this apartment, well almost...even me,” she chuckles. Then her expression shatters.
“Bad joke, really bad joke” she says covering her face.
“No it wasn’t that bad, maybe work on your delivery a little,” I joke, touching her hands and moving them away from her face.
Don’t ever hide that beautiful face from me again.
The moment is brief but I just saw her sitting a table in a diner, her hands over her face, just the way they were now, but he was the one removing them.
“Are you going to let go?” she whispers, and I wonder how long I’ve been holding her hands.
“I’m sorry,” I say, stepping away from her. I feel like an idiot.
“What just happened, Chris?” she asks apprehensively.
“Nothing, I just...” I stumble over my words but she’s obviously not buying it. She just sighs a little.
“I’m going to order some food. Chinese okay?” she asks, moving from the space we just shared in the doorway.
“Yeah, that’s great,” and before I can even finish my statement, she’s heading down the stairs.
Ugh, that wasn’t awkward at all.
This trip was supposed to help me find something I like about him but so far, it’s making me do the opposite. I know it’s him doing this, ruining everything, throwing bits and pieces of memories at me at the most awkward times possible.
No need for me to interfere. You’re screwing this up all by yourself.
There it is again! I close the door behind me, walk over to the needlessly large mirror and stare at it.
“You are an asshole!” I say into it. “And I can’t wait to get rid of you!”
Such language, Chris. Sorry, but the mirror isn’t going to talk back. We don’t have hallucinations.
“Go away. Right now!” My anger is getting the best of me.
But we haven’t had any fun yet.
“This is fun for you? Making me talk to myself, driving me crazy, destroying Lauren's life is fun for you?”
“Chris, who are you talking to?” Lauren says, her voice slightly raised. How much did she hear?
I really am going crazy.
“My parents,” I say, pulling my phone out of my pocket.
“I was letting them know we were taking a break before heading back,” I say quickly.
She looks at me skeptically but her worried expression disappears. She tells me that the food will be here in a half hour. Before she walks away, she asks if I’d like her to close the door. I tell her I’ll be down in a minute, then turn to go into the bathroom. She just looks at me and oddly walks away. She knows I’m crazy.
Great idea coming here.
Chapter 51
Lauren
Something is going on with him. I don’t know what it is, but he seems nervous and a little timid. I was going to the room to ask him what type of Chinese he wanted me to order for him and I heard him talking, or better yet, arguing. I didn’t hear exactly what was going on but whatever it was, he was livid. I’ve never heard him that angry before. He said he was talking to his parents but I just don’t see how that could be the case unless he just hung up on them as soon as I came in the room.
I wonder if coming here, bringing him to the apartment and letting him see our life, was not such a good idea. He had just seen his doctor. Maybe this was too much too soon, but he looked so tired in the car. Now he doesn’t look tired, he looks annoyed, maybe even a little paranoid. His appetite is normal though. He’s eaten two plates of Chinese food but he’s been so quiet I don’t really know what to make of it. No jokes, no short stories. He looks like he’s in deep thought and it’s causing the tension in the air to be heavy.
“How do you like the food?” I ask him even though he’s been devouring it. I want him to say something, to break whatever reverie he’s in. It’s almost like he’s reverted back to the man who showed up at my hotel room after I exploded on his front porch. I definitely don’t want us to go back there.
“It’s really good. I’m stuffed now,” he says washing down his food with the glass of orange soda.
“I’m glad you liked it,” I say, starting to clean up the table.
“I don’t need a nap if you just want to hit the road in a few,” he says, standing and stretching. I look back at him surprised as I throw away the take out containers. After most people eat as much as he did, especially Chinese, they want to sleep for a while. Now he’s ready to hit the road? Once I turn all the way around I have to admit he looks alert, the anxiety and worry on his face are gone. Maybe just being here is what makes him uncomfortable. I try to pretend that doesn’t bother me. Cal and I had a lot of fights and tough times here but so many good ones as well. The idea that being here makes Chris so distressed doesn’t bode well and I wonder if he’ll find anything good about Cal.
“What did you do with his stuff?” he asks as he walks up beside me to throw away his plate. I wish he wouldn’t stand so close to me. Actually, I wish he would stand much closer but I’m trying to ignore the fact that whenever he’s near me my body comes alive. Every nerve ending in my body awakens and begs to be touched. I’m learning to tune them out and each day it gets a little easier. But today it’s a little harder. Especially when he’s standing so close looking down at me in the very room where he did so many things that my body remembers and misses.
Stop it Lauren!
“What did you say?” I ask. I’m so caught up in my own thoughts I can’t remember what he just asked me.
“His things. When I looked around up stairs, I didn’t go in your closet or anything, but it looks like it’s just you and Caylen that live here. Do you still have his stuff?” he asks stuffing his hands into his pocket. Oh, that’s what he was saying.
“It’s in storage,” I say, taking a small step away from him, even inches between us are good. The closer I am, the more it seems like his energy makes me want to do crazy things, like cup his face in my hands, kiss his lips and feel the body that I’ve missed so much.
“Can I see them?” he asks, interrupting a train of thought that I shouldn’t be on, one that leaves me flushed and breathless.
“It could help with the homework,” he answers, obviously noticing the surprise on my face.
“Of course. I don’t know why I didn’t think to ask you,” I admit with a nervous chuckle. He gives me a smile that makes me melt. With the simplest gesture, Chris has a way of making me feel like everything will be okay. I grab my keys, a box cutter and more tape from the kitchen drawer before we head out the door. He follows me out of our apartment. When we’re in the elevator and the door closes, I see him gulp and close his eyes
I hit floor fifteen and then the basement level. If it goes straight down I’m not entirely sure he won’t throw up.
“You okay?” I steal a glance while I try and cover up my smile.
“Yup,” he says tightly, his hands folded together. Thankfully for Chris the ride is over quickly and the door opens to a hallway leading to our storage area.