“I don’t know, I was watching the movie and I couldn’t control myself. I don’t know, I’m sorry for embarrassing you, I hate that I’m like this and I wish I wasn’t but I don’t know what’s wrong with me and if it’ll happen again, and I appreciate the time you’ve spend with me and everything we shared and I know this is too much…”
“Stop! Don’t go any further, okay? Let’s take a walk, can we do that?” His tone is firm but his smile is reassuring. I’m confused, I was sure he’d be calling me a cab or saying he’d drop me off at home. The last thing I thought he’d offer was to take a walk with someone who could embarrass him at any second. I don’t know what to say so I nod and his mouth reveals a soft smile. He takes my hand in his and we walk for what seems like forever but each step I become a little relaxed.
My mind is racing a mile a minute though. What is he thinking? What is going to happen after this? Where do I go from here? I’ve never missed a person that left me but I already miss him, knowing he’ll be gone soon, that he’s thinking of a way to gently let me down. But I’m grateful for every moment we’ve shared but mourn the moments we won’t ever. I try not to hate myself for not being the normal girl he wants who could possibly grow what we have into something more.
“Are you okay?” he asks me, his hand enveloping mine. We’re by the water now, the beautiful blue waves calming along the concrete strip surrounding it. There’s boats far off in the distance and I try to match my breathing to the waves
“I am,” I tell him, as a soft breeze moves through us. It’s a cool and perfect fall day…at least it would have been if I hadn’t just ruined it. Kam stops his stride, his brilliant eyes sending a warm sensation through my chest. He stands in front of me, both of my hands in his. He pulls me towards him and rests his hands on my waist. Here it comes, the gentle words he’ll say, ending this, and I prepare myself for them.
“I know you’ve been through a lot Megan, and I wish I can go back and fix life for you. You deserved so much better than the hand you were dealt and if I could go back and change it I would. But what I can do is try to be the man I think you deserve, if you let me. My dad taught me to be patient for things you want and I want you, and if you’re not ready for the title then I understand but I want you to know that it’s only you. I’m not dating any other girls. It’d be unfair because you take up my thoughts, you have my time, and you will for as long as you want.”
Is he insane? He has to be, after what just happened. He still wants me? He’s waiting for me to say something, his smile hopeful, as he rubs circles on the front of my hands, sending tingles through my entire body. This happens with him, whenever I’m near him I have urges I’ve never had before. He’s been patient with me, we haven’t gone beyond intense making out but I want more. I feel like I need it, and I wonder how you can yearn for something you’ve never had so badly before. My body is intuitive of a release it craves, to be touched where it hasn’t been before.
When all of my foster siblings were going crazy at fourteen and fifteen, and my counselor said they were having raging hormones, I thought everyone was insane. I didn’t want anyone to look at me, let alone for a man to touch me, but with Kam it’s hit full force. When his skin touches mine it’s electric. I don’t feel numb, exposed, or afraid. I feel wanted and I want more every day I spend with him.
“Are you sure?” the words tumble out of my mouth like a cough I can’t stop. His eyes narrow at me but his smile is still there.
“If that’s what you want. I only want what you want,” he says again, reassuring me.
“Why me?” I ask, confused. I don’t understand why someone like him wants me. There’s so many things wrong with me. He knows I don’t come from the perfect family, or a family that I even know of at all. I’m flawed, but worse than that, I’m almost destroyed and I don’t know why he’d want someone so imperfect when he’s the opposite. Why deal with someone so damaged? The look of confusion on his face makes my heart twitch. He takes my face in his and makes me look at him, his smile soft and as stunning as it’s ever been.
“Why you? Why not you? I don’t know what you see when you look in the mirror but babe, you’re amazing. Not only are you gorgeous but you’re sweet and so kind, and I’ve never met anyone like you.”
I have tears that I’m forcing to stay put now. To think anyone, but especially someone like him, believes these things about me, it feels amazing. When we talked I felt invigorated hopeful. He has away of making you feel good about yourself, like there’s nothing you can’t do. A quality that will be useful to him since he wants to work in government.
I almost chocked on my food when I asked him where he’d eventually like to see himself in life and he dropped his gaze a bit revealing a boyish grin before it morphed into a million dollar smile and humbly told me as the president. The freaking president, and I know he could do it, I think he can be anything he wanted. This is the man who wants to know me.
I don’t have any words so I stand on tiptoes and bring my lips to his and hope with this kiss he can feel how grateful I am for his understanding, how much I want him. I slink my arms behind his head, deepening this kiss and opening up more to him than I ever had. Our hearts beat out of sync, running against each other. There’s a longing within me that has my body on edge, yearning for something to relieve its wanting. I feel it whenever his body is against me, when he drags his fingers over my skin. Our lips pushed against each other, his arms around my body. Feelings I’ve never felt before begging to be fulfilled—a welcome distraction from every negative thought within me.
“Kam?” We break apart, both breathless. Kam’s face lights up at the voice that called out to him behind us. I turn around and see her, the beautiful blonde girl from the day we met. She’s small, probably around 5’1”, wearing a pink blouse and white jeans with a large Louis Vuitton bag on her shoulder. Kam gives me a comforting grin, taking my hand and leading me towards her. There’s a guy standing beside her and the contrast between them is almost jarring. He’s tall, almost 6’2”, and where she is small, pretty, put together, and perfectly neat, this guy is tall, all edge. Tattoos cover his long lean arms, he has an trendy mohawk and a silver ring in his lip, but behind that edginess he’s still traditionally handsome with striking green eyes, a strong jaw covered with stubble, two dimples resting in his cheeks, and there’s something else. Something that makes me recognize him, the thing that only those who have been hurt or lost something see within each other, and it makes me breathe a little easier. Maybe Kameron’s family has a thing for saving those in need.
“What’s up Kam,” her companion says, greeting Kam with a nod. Kam does the same.
“Hi, I’m Katie,” she says, her voice high and bright as I expect it to be, her smile warm and genuinely friendly.
“Megan, this is my baby sister and her boyfriend Josh,” he says, introducing us.
“You can call me Blue,” he says, his eyes narrowing in on me almost in familiarity. I search his face again but I’m sure I don’t know him.