“Are you ready to go?”
He leans back, searching my expression as if to make sure I’m okay. I give him a reassuring smile.
“If you are,” he says curiously.
“Yeah. I just want some time with you if that’s okay.” And a wide smile spreads across his lips.
“You don’t ever have to ask for that.”
I’ve never been to Kam’s place before and I’m glad we left before Katie and Blue did. Hopefully she’ll go back to his place. It’d be weird bumping into them now and I wonder how it’s not awkward sharing an apartment with your sibling, even if you are close. Not that I know anything about being a sibling.
We pull up to a large industrial building on a street that looks like a miniature downtown. I’m surprised when he hops out and leaves the keys in the engine before opening my door.
“Valet’s going to move it,” he says with that easy charming smile, oblivious to the convenience he has. There’s a beautiful lobby, bright and modern, and a large elevator that’s big enough not to trigger claustrophobia, and soon we’re stepping out onto the tenth floor. There’s only three doors on the entire floor which is shocking since the place is so huge. His reads 503 directly in the center. We step inside and I shouldn’t be surprised but I am. This isn’t just an apartment, it’s an amazing apartment! One of the most beautiful places I’ve ever stepped in, at least. There’s floor-to-ceiling windows lining the place, large sleek furniture sitting dead center in the middle, to the left is a sprawling kitchen that would be right at home on one of those home design shows. I see now why it isn’t awkward to share a place like this with his baby sis. This place is big enough to have all the privacy they’d ever need.
“This is home,” he says, like he hasn’t shown me one of the most impressive apartments I’ve ever seen.
“It’s beautiful,” I say, taking it all in.
“You’re beautiful.”
I turn to see him leaning against the door, his eyes on me, a heart-stopping smile on his face that steals my breath. His gaze full of what I can only describe as admiration. This look, a look that I’ve never seen before, a look that makes me feel beyond myself, better than myself. And it’s scary because I don’t know if I can ever live up to how he sees me, even though I want more than anything to be the woman he desires, to merit his time, attention…and one day his love.
He shows me around the apartment, his hand never leaving mine, his touch always near. Everything is perfectly sleek as I expected. Katie’s room is on the opposite side of the apartment and I bet as large and straight out of a style magazine like his.
“My mom decorated the place,” he says with a sheepish smile.
“It’s amazing.”
“You’re amazing,” I say with more confidence than I feel walking towards him. His stare from earlier soft, well-intentioned, warm, and comforting, has shifted. There’s heat in his eyes, a visual display of how much I want him. I’ve never wanted a man before to touch me, kiss me, do things to me that would give me release. But ever since I met him, every day I’ve spent with him, each touch, each kiss…has been building inside of me. I wonder if he can see it, feel it, smell it. I place my hands on his chest. It’s hard, wide, and strong, and I slowly move my fingers up it. His hands move to my waist, our eyes lock, not leaving each other’s. I take another step towards him so our bodies are pressed together, separated by pieces of material I want gone. My heart is racing, beating fast. Butterflies invade my stomach.
“I have something to tell you,” I whisper, my eyes moving to his chest.
“You can tell me anything.” His voice is deeper than it’s been.
“I’ve never…I’m a virgin.” I spit it out quickly. I watch the slightest furrow of his brow. He can’t hide the surprise in his eyes.
“It’s something I’ve had to fight unbelievably hard to keep.”
You?!
I take another deep breath.
“I don’t know why I tell you things like this, why you make me feel like this. I never thought it’d be possible for me, but I don’t want to keep questioning it. I’m only telling you this because if I suck at this you’ll know why.”
I’ve said it, it’s out.
When I look at him I don’t see contempt or confusion, but the warmest look a man has ever given me, one that almost looks like he’s honored.
“I don’t know what to say. Are you sure?” he asks me, but his breath is heavy and his grip tightens on my waist. I respond by unbuttoning his shirt, and that’s the only answer he needs. He lifts me up by my thighs and I cling to him. He gently lowers me to the bed, standing in front of me looking like a Greek god. My heart is beating so fast. I’m about to do this, give away a part of myself I’ve never shared with anyone else! His lips trail down my stomach. They’re so soft and my desire grows with each inch they take. He kisses me tenderly—a fluttery kiss—through my underwear, and I can’t conceal my whimper. He gently pulls them down and when his mouth takes me in I begin to melt. I try to be quiet, afraid that someone will hear me, but I can’t. Every second the pleasure increases. I try to pull away, not wanting for it to stop, but it’s becoming overwhelming and he holds me firmly in place. All I can do is grip the sheets and his hair before I come apart with a shriek that embarrasses me. Kam stretches his lean athletic body over me, kissing my body on the way up as he does, my heartbeat slowing back down.
“You’re so beautiful Megan,” he says, and takes my lips in his with the taste of me on them. Our kiss goes from tender to deep as my legs wrap around him. I can’t get enough of him. I hear the condom wrapper open. His mouth moves to my neck as he consumes every bit of my skin. He leans over me, our faces are only inches apart.
“Are you sure?” he asks me tenderly, but his tone is desperately on the edge. He’s desperate for me, and his primal gaze sets me on fire.
“Yes. Please,” I say. His finger slides down my center first as his thumb begins to play me only second to his tongue, and then I feel him…just the tip…and close my eyes as he kisses me. I grip his back. I want this so badly but the noise in my head tries to interfere, the thoughts, the voices of doubt, fear, insecurity trying to overpower this moment. Loud, angry, and shouting.
Red
You can’t do this.
Blue
Don’t do this.
Purple
This is wrong.
“Black,” I say as he enters me. I gasp as he does. He’s thick and I feel stretched.
“You okay?” he asks, and I nod.
“Yes, don’t stop,” I plead. And he doesn’t. He goes slower and deeper and each thrust feels better than the last. I’m in heaven, in love, in lust. When we’re done and I’m wrapped in his arms, he trails sweet tender kisses on my shoulders. It’s the best feeling I’ve ever had. I ignore the last voice.
I hate you.
Ian
“She’s nuts right? She’s got to be!”
“You’ve said that at least twenty times already. Actually, all you’ve done is talk about this girl the whole night. I’m about to go and buy you a box of tampons and some chocolate,” Simon, my best friend, jokes before giving Devin a high-five. I punch him in the side but he’s right. When did this happen to me? I’m not the type of dude that whines and bitches over a chic. I’m usually complaining about a girl going all stalkerish or demanding a commitment which I make pretty fucking clear from the start I’m not looking for.