“I’m sorry. Here I am complaining about my slut-ass girlfriend cheating on me and you have much more going on than that.”
“It’s fine Blue. I know that was a lot to take in,” I tell him. He nods and then glances over at me. Just thinking of it makes me want to cry. I look over at Blue, who has been the closest thing I can call to a friend.
“I’m sorry she said that to you. She was just being a bitch,” he utters quietly. I take in a gulp of air and let out a guilty breath.
“Yesterday. I woke up naked in someone’s bed. I don’t know whose,” I tell him hesitantly. He presses his lips tightly together. I can see he’s thinking, trying to think of the right thing to say. But Blue’s never been the “right thing to say” kind of guy, and in some ways I do respect that.
“How could you do that? You love Kam,” he says confused.
“It’s one of the reasons I’m leaving,” I say, hearing my own voice crack.
“I don’t remember how I got there, anything about last night,” I explain, feeling tears fill my eyes.
“My car was out front of the building, so I clearly drove there, but I don’t remember any of it.” I’m crying so hard my body is shaking.
“Something is really wrong with me. I tried to believe otherwise, I convinced myself that it was something I could control, or thought was over—because after I met Kam, for the first time in my life things made sense. Until then.” I laugh bitterly at how ridiculous I was. He looks scared for me.
“I thought you had narcolepsy or something,” Blue says in disbelief. I laugh.
“I wish,” I say and we’re quiet.
“And you’re sure there’s no way you were drugged, or like your drink wasn’t spiked when that happened?”
“The last thing I recall was being at the gala…I don’t even remember our conversation.” I wipe away the tears from my eyes.
“And unfortunately it’s not like it’s the first time it ever happened to me. It was just the first time where I was with someone that cared enough to notice,” I admit.
“I can’t put him at risk with whatever has been happening to me! Who knows what I did, or will do? Now with this guy today saying I owe him fifteen thousand, I have to walk away. For now atleast.”
“You can’t go to Chicago by yourself. It’s too dangerous with you practically blacking out,” he says, sounding eerily like Kam.
“I’m not going to Chicago,” I say, leaning my head on the window.
“Why the hell not?” he asks, confused.
“You just said you didn’t want me to go to Chicago,” I reply, in between a bewildered laugh.
“I said you shouldn’t go by yourself.”
“Look, unfortunately it’s probably just going to be me for a while and I’ve always been fine.” I shrug. He looks at me in disbelief.
“I think you should go and let Kam come with you. He’d want that. He deserves the option.” I roll my eyes.
“No! I don’t want him to be involved with any of this, whatever this even is, and…he doesn’t need to hold his life up for someone like me,” I say and he throws his head into his seat.
“He loves you,” he says sincerely.
“Besides, again—I’m not going to just go there and knock on my brother’s door. What if he’s an asshole or a serial killer or something?” I say, changing the subject.
“So what’s your plan then, wait around here to see if the guy you owe fifteen grand shows up? Live the rest of your life alone because you’re afraid you’re not good enough for anyone? You live with Kam, if you go back with your roommate he’ll be at your door in a second.”
Honestly I don’t know what my plan is. I sort of thought that finding out about my parents would give me some type of epiphany but right now it’s absent. He lets out a long sigh.
“I’ll go with you,” I hear him say. My eyes widen. He can’t be serious, but the look on his face is showing me that he absolutely is.
“I can’t ask you to do that! You have school and work,” I reason with him.
“And a cheating ex-girlfriend who will be all I think about, to be honest,” he says, clearing his throat.
“And I have a cousin that lives there. We can crash with him,” he adds. My heart speeds up. I try to think of a reason why we shouldn’t but there’s none. Nothing. I don’t know if things will get worse if I go but I know they won’t get better if I don’t.
“...Are we really going to do this?” I ask, running every excuse in my mind about why we shouldn’t make this trip.
“We’re doing it. We’re going to take your car to my place, I’ll grab some stuff, and Windy City here we fucking come!” he says enthusiastically, as a guy fighting a broken heart can.
I close my eyes and say a quick silent prayer.
Please, please let this work out.
Think again bitch.
Chapter 9
Megan
I never thought I’d be here. I never thought there was a possibility of kinship, at the least three different threads tying me to them. And just the thought of not being alone in the world and connected with people makes everything seem not so dark. I’m so grateful to have Blue with me. Without him I wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t be on our way to Chicago together in search of my brother, who is possibly some sort of millionaire. Now we’re here, driving through the dark streets with shining lights and tall buildings.
It’s different here; the air, the energy…it’s almost electrifying. It makes the hairs on my arms stand up and all of my senses on alert. There’s so much going on everywhere all at once that I can’t help but feel moved by it. It’s so different from the sleepy little town in Indiana that I’ve adopted as my home. “The GPS says this is it.” Blue pulls in front of a building with a sign that says Green Room.
“Your cousin lives in a bar?” I ask him in disbelief.
“I mean we are some professional drinkers but it’s more likely he’s renting the apartment over it,” he laughs. We look around for parking which takes a while since it seems as if his cousin lives in the middle of party central and it’s a Saturday night. We make our way through the crowds of people strolling down the sidewalk, obviously after having drinks. The air is warm but the breeze is cool, music floats through the air like it belongs on the streets just as much as it does in the bars. The atmosphere is intoxicating.
“How the hell does he get any work done living here?” Blue says with a chuckle, reading my mind.
“This is insane.” I say taking in every thing. We maneuver through a group of what looks like frat guys. Several of them shoot me flirtatious smiles and I can’t help but grin. The way I look and feel now, they must obviously have beer goggles.
“I think we go up this way,” Blue says, pointing to the door near the opposite side of the bar’s opening. I’m surprised going in. I’d think with as much chaos that’s out front of the place it would be locked. I head up the stairs and wait for Blue to make his way behind me. My nose immediately scrunches up as the smell of pot greets it.