Shay shifted a little in the bed. When I opened my eyes, it was to see him leaning over me, studying my face in the low light. Whatever he saw, it made him frown. “Don’t you dare apologize, Mina. It wasn’t your fault.”
“But-”
“No. No buts. Listen to me now,” he said, his voice sounding as serious as Mummy’s when she’s trying to tell me something important. “You are a good girl, you know that? The fact that you did what you did, because you thought it would make me happy…” He trailed off for a moment, like he couldn’t think of what he was trying to say. When he spoke again, his voice was cracking, “No one does anything because they want me to be happy, Sweetness. No one. But you do. You do.” He reached up and stroked a lock of my hair, running his thumb over the strands. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to my forehead and flashed one of his rare smiles. “You have no idea what that means to me. So don’t you ever apologize for it. You got me?”
I nodded quickly, so happy that he wasn’t mad at me. I reached up and circled my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. His arms wrapped around me, giving me a little squeeze back, then guided us back into the pillows and blankets. We fell asleep like that, hugging each other, feeling safe as long as we were together.
When my eyes opened again, the sun was shining through my window, casting that beautiful, golden, morning glow across my bed. Beside me, Shay was sleeping soundly, looking like he’d been out for hours. I smiled at the sight. I’d helped him sleep through the night. The feeling that gave me made me feel so good that I could do something for him, something no one else could. I could keep his nightmares away.
Present Day
Mina: Sixteen Years Old
June
A piercing scream wakes me up in the middle of the night. When I open my eyes, I’m sitting up in bed, and my blankets are a tangled mess around me. My arms are flailing as if I was in the middle of fighting someone off, and I’ve shifted so much in my bed I’m almost dangling off the side. It hits me then… it was me... I was the one screaming…
Not even a second later, my door bursts open with a crash, and I cry out in fear, until I see Shay come barreling in, a huge, curved, bowie knife in his hand. I flinch back in my bed at the sight, but quickly remind myself… this is Shay. My protector. He would never hurt me. I wasn’t being attacked. It was a nightmare, just a nightmare.
His sharp gaze sweeps the room for signs of a threat. After I returned from the hospital, I found my old crescent moon nightlight that I used to use as a kid, and strung it back up on the wall, the light from it helping him see in the dark.
“It was a bad dream again.” I hiccup. Tears that I didn’t even realize I had were sliding down my cheeks, and my voice catches in my throat.
At once, Shay melts out of attack-mode, and he slinks over to my bed. Sitting at my side, he reaches over and places his knife on my bedside table and leans over me, a hand on either side of my body as he studies my face. Finally, he lifts his hand and with his thumb he gently wipes the tears away.
“Would-would you stay with m-me again?” I whisper. I feel so stupid for asking this of him. I’m going to be seventeen in a few weeks, for crying out loud. I shouldn’t need my big brother to curl up beside me so I can get a decent night’s sleep. It’s been nearly a week since I’ve been home, but every night, I wake up from the nightmares, and the only way I’ve managed to get a few hours of rest in is when he’s with me.
To my relief, Shay nods and flashes one of his rare warm smiles, for which I’m grateful. I don’t need his teasing right now. Besides, I know he prefers staying in here, anyway. For years, we slept in the same bed together, but back then he had been the one seeking comfort from his bad dreams and insomnia. It all ended shortly after my thirteenth birthday when we were caught by our parents. For the past almost four years, we’ve been apart at night. Now, it was like the perfect excuse to resume old habits. Only this time, the roles were reversed. I needed him.
He helps move me over so he can fit in beside me, and slides under the blankets, making me feel safe as I huddle up to him, with the wall at my back. It’s like I’m in a safe little cocoon. Cautious of my cast, he pulls me in to cuddle and I feel myself relax as I rest my head on his chest, listening to the strong beat of his heart beneath his shirt. Only then, wrapped up in his arms, do I feel safe enough to allow myself to fall into sleep.
The Past…
Mina: Nine Years Old
July
A new pattern had started at home, and that was the fact that Shay started sneaking into my room at night, crawling into bed with me, and we’d fall asleep together. Mum and James had no idea we shared a bed every night, and Shay had made me promise not to tell.
“We’d get into serious trouble, Sweetness,” he said to me near the beginning of this new routine we’d started the night of our parents wedding.
“Why? It’s just like a sleepover, right?” I asked him. I snuggled into his side, my bunny tucked under my arm, and rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
“It is, but your mum won’t see it that way. She hates me, remember? She’ll find a reason to make this look bad.”
I didn’t get it, and I think he could tell by my silence.
“Listen, Mina, if your mum finds out I’m sneaking into your room at night, she’ll start to look at you the same way she does me. She thinks I’m a bad guy, remember? You know I’m not, but she won’t be changing her mind about me. And this will make her think you’re a bad girl.”
My head snapped back and I stared at him, the glow of my nightlight helping me make out the expression on his face. He was dead serious. Alarmed, I squeaked, “Maybe you shouldn’t come in here, then? I don’t want to get into trouble…”
“It’s the only way I can get any sleep, Mina.” His tone changed, like he was pleading with me. “You help me sleep. If I leave, I’ll go back to my room and have my nightmares and restless nights again. Do you want that?”
I shook my head, vehemently. “No!”
“Then the best way around this is to just keep it a secret between the two of us. What do you think of that?” The corner of his mouth lifted.
Hmmm... I liked the sound of that, sharing a secret with Shay. It made me feel special. But I was still apprehensive.
“Mina, we’ve been doing this for about a month now. If we tell your mum, she’ll know we’ve been lying to her for some time, and that will make her even angrier. You’re a good girl, right? And good girls don’t lie. If she finds out, then she will lose her trust in you and see you as a bad girl. Do you want that?”
I shook my head so hard, my braid swung back and forth like a whip. I didn’t want my mother to think I was bad. I didn’t want to let her down if she found out I’d hidden this from her for a month already. And I wanted to help Shay sleep. By keeping this a secret between us two, it made me feel closer to him, too… important. So, I held out my pinky finger to him. “I won’t tell. Promise.”
The corners of his mouth lifted into a smirk and he hooked his pinky finger with mine.