not sit,
on the horse’s back.
Mom was mad
she didn’t get her photo
of me and Jonah
sitting on horses.
I am spinning now
and the room is getting dark,
and I don’t have to see anyone
or anything
anymore.
I remember that all I had to eat today
was a slice of fudge,
and I feel myself falling,
and I simply let myself
go.
Then I am moving
through the air,
and I am crying,
Leave me on the merry-go-round,
oh, please
leave me on the merry-go-round.
Maybe I’m not crying
out loud, though,
because no one answers.
When I can see again,
I am in the front seat of Elinor’s car.
Elinor feeds me leftover cold
McDonald’s fries,
and warm Pepsi,
and they taste so good.
Mom and the security officer
watch me sip the Pepsi
through a straw,
like I’m the most talented person
they know.
I dip a fry in a paper cup of ketchup
Elinor hands me.
I’m fine now,
I tell Mom.
You can go back in.
I’ll take her home,
Elinor says.
Go,
I tell Mom,
and she does.
Elinor and I follow the river
back to DEAD END.
The right side
of my head is sore,
in the same place
Jonah has his boo-boo.
Elinor sees me touching it
and wincing.
You hit
the edge of the bench
when you fell,
she says.
When we get back
to Number 23,
Elinor leads me into
the little room
off the kitchen.
I get into bed
and Elinor gives me an ice pack
for my head
and a cup of milky hot chocolate.
She stands there while I drink it,
and takes the cup back.
Try to rest, now, Liv,
she says,
I’ll be in the kitchen
if you need anything.
She throws the scratchy blanket
over me,
and it weighs me down.
I hear Dr. Kate and Vivian
talking
in Jonah’s room,
and I wonder
why Dr. Kate is here,
when it’s not
Team Meeting.
I never go to bed
without first checking
on Jonah,
but now I lie here
in the middle of the afternoon,
the merry-go-round taking me
round in circles
until I’m asleep.
Snorkel Man
It is getting dark out
when I wake up,
and I am still in my
court clothes.
I hurry to the bathroom.
And when I come out,
Mom is at the kitchen table.
How did it go with Mr. LeBlanc?
I ask her.
Mr. LeBlanc
said he didn’t go inviting people
into his attic
to handle his personal property.
And told the judge
HIS son
knows all about
gun safety.
What is happening in court
tomorrow?
I ask her.
The firearms expert
and Dr. Kate are testifying.
Please eat something
in the morning
before we go—
besides fudge.
We need to talk about
one other thing, Liv.
Mom checks the pale-pink polish
on each fingernail.
She is quiet for so long
I think she’s forgotten
what she wants to say.
Then she speaks.
Clay is missing.
After the judge
called it a day,
he was supposed to wait
by their car,
while they talked to their lawyer
in the courthouse,
but when they got outside,
he wasn’t there.
The police at the courthouse,
couldn’t find him, either.
He never came home.
I saw Clay’s dad outside
with a flashlight.
It’s like he just disappeared.
Why are you telling me this?
I ask Mom.
Do you think I know where Clay is?
Do you?
I don’t. I have no idea where he is.
I am distracted by a new noise
coming from Jonah’s room.
What’s that sound?
I ask Mom.
It’s a sleep thing
for Jonah
that came today.
Phoebe can explain.
Everything happened
while I was on the merry-go-round.
Clay disappeared, and
Jonah got a new friend.
I go into Jonah’s room.
He’s all tired out
after his big trip
to Headwater Courthouse.
He is napping with a
plastic mask
over his face,
and he smells like the lotion
Phoebe rubs on his skin.
Phoebe says that
after Dr. Kate had the talk
with Dr. Liv,
she ordered another machine
for Jonah
for when he sleeps—
Snorkel Man.
When Jonah is down underneath
the river,
holding his breath,
Snorkel Man
blows air
in and out
of his lungs,
one deep-sea diver
to the other.
See how good Jonah’s
numbers are now,
Phoebe says.
It’s true.
No loud EEKS
or flashing red lights.
Snorkel Man is on the job.
I stretch out on the recliner
next to Jonah’s bed.
Phoebe has her hair
in a waterfall today—
it sprays out
from the top of her head
in all directions.
Take a rest, Liv.
I hear you had quite the day,
she says.
It’s pretty clear
that everyone has
talked to each other
about my day
in court.
They look at me
like I might topple over
at any moment.
Mom brings me a bowl
of Elinor’s latest casserole—
ham, cheese, peas, and noodles—
and a glass of water.
They all want to feed me
now.
Where is Clay?
The little animal inside me
has no manners.
It makes a pouty face.
Its birthday
is coming
and Clay has disappeared.
How will it get its
present?
If Clay is really gone,
who will meet me
at the river now,
to tell me the three things
I need to know?
Where are you, Clay?
Where did you go?
And why?
Truth
The door slams
and I hear Rainie
drop her backpack.
There is a loud rumbling
as a car backs out of the driveway.
Rainie comes all the way
into Jonah’s room
for the first time.
She touches her amber
stone of courage.
What’s that thing on Jonah?
she asks.
It helps him breathe, Phoebe says.
Snorkel Man, I say
at the same time.
Snorkel Man doesn’t answer.
He’s busy blowing air—
Whoosha Whoosha Whoosha
I wish I could sleep
with all that noise,
Rainie says.
Rainie watches Phoebe