It was such a soft kiss it was almost chaste, the barest meeting of lips, but even that small bit of contact felt electric, running down my spine and making me shiver. I parted my lips, just enough to take his full lower lip between mine, and then Nix gasped and wrapped his hands around my hips hard.
It was like a dam breaking—suddenly I wanted to devour him. I kissed him hard, and Nix met me with equal ferocity. I fucked my tongue into his mouth, and he only moaned into the kiss as his hands traveled over my body. The slick sounds of our kiss were almost obscene in the quiet parking lot. Nix pressed closer, slotting our legs together as he pinned me to the cab of my truck. The hard line of his cock pressed into my hip, and I gasped at the contact.
“Come on,” I murmured. “Let me give you a ride. Back to my place.”
“Dawson,” Nix said again, and he sounded torn.
“Or we can just make out in the backseat,” I offered. “Like teenagers.”
“Jesus,” Nix groaned, and rocked his hips against mine like he couldn’t control himself. God, that was hot—seeing such a put-together, calm guy start to come undone at the seams just from kissing me.
“Yeah?” I asked.
Then something vibrated against my hip. The sudden sensation shocked me, and I jerked a little, which rocked my thigh up against Nix’s cock again. He hissed, but then pulled away.
I furrowed my brow at the sudden change.
“Sorry,” Nix said. “I just gotta—” He fished his phone out of his pocket and glanced the lock screen. Whatever he saw made his face close off suddenly. “I gotta take this.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, still a little confused, like my brain hadn’t quite caught up with the fact that I wasn’t going to get to continue making out with Nix.
Nix took a few steps away, closer to the back of the building. He answered the phone and idly toed at the gravel at his feet as he listened.
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah. Of course. No, it’s not a problem. Of course, I’ll be there. I’m glad you called. Yeah—yeah, I’m on my way now.”
My heart sank. That didn’t sound like a club member to me. His voice had gone a little softer and sweeter than it did when he spoke to his club. A little more… caring. Affectionate.
I’d never heard him use a tone like that before. Was it an ex? Or—was he seeing someone?
Nix ended the call, and then turned to face me with an apologetic, almost sheepish look on his face. Like I’d caught him doing something, which didn’t really make sense.
“On your way, huh?” I said, parroting what he’d said on the phone.
“Yeah,” Nix said. “I’m sorry, I’ve really got to head out. A friend needs me.”
“A friend,” I said with a nod. “Right.”
It didn’t sound like a friend. I just had a feeling that it was something more than that. Whoever it was, it was obvious Nix wasn’t telling me everything. It was suddenly clear how little I knew about him.
Nix shot me a sideways look, but he didn’t explain the relationship, and I didn’t pry any further, either. I wanted him to tell me more—who was this person whose call was enough to pull him away from me so easily? But at the same time, I didn’t want to be the pathetic guy who begged. Besides, he didn’t owe me anything.
“Thanks for the pizza,” Nix said, then cringed. Couldn’t deny how awkward that sounded, especially after his cock had been pressed against me literally moments before.
“I can still give you a ride back to the clubhouse,” I said. “If you’re in a hurry.”
“Uh,” Nix said. He rubbed his hand over his head, and then pressed his lips together like he was deciding. His gaze skated over my body again, quick and hungry, like he was committing the sight to memory. I spread my legs a little wider in my stance. Nix huffed. “No, it’s okay, I’ll walk. It’s not far.”
If I could get him in the truck, he’d forget about the phone call. The chemistry between us was undeniable. He took a step backward, as if he could feel it, too. But from what I’d learned about Nix, his willpower was a force to be reckoned with. From the way he looked at me, though, I knew he wanted me just as badly. And he wasn’t going to risk his own plans by getting in the truck and, mostly likely, getting caught up making out again.
“You sure?” I asked, in a low voice. Worth one more try.
For a second I thought I almost had him, as his mouth dropped open slightly. But then he shook his head, like he was shaking away his desire. “I’m good. Thank you. Really.”
Nix muttered his goodbyes and hurried around the building and back to the street. I was left alone, climbing into my truck feeling deflated and honestly, kind of misled. It wasn’t just physical chemistry between us—not anymore. It was easy to hang out with him, and even easier to open up to him. I’d thought there was something between us—but maybe I wasn’t the only person he was interested in.
I rested my forehead against the cool vinyl of my steering wheel and sighed. I was still really fucking horny, and really fucking annoyed. In the silence of my truck, the loneliness crept to the forefront of my mind again. Nix was barely a friend, despite the attraction between us. Despite that kiss. Despite his willingness to humor me and share his story and act like he was interested in mine.
But any time things went any farther than that, he acted like I was an impulsive mistake, a decision he made when he was a little too consumed by lust and chemistry—and when he came to his senses, he realized there wasn’t anything about me worth wanting.
Maybe he was right. But I wanted him—and I wanted to be wanted.
And since I couldn’t have that, I really fucking wanted a drink instead.
8
Nix
I leaned my head back and let the hot spray of the shower sluice over me.
It’d been two weeks since that dinner with Dawson—since he dragged me flush against him and kissed me like he was starving for it, the sweetness of that stupid dessert pizza still fresh on his lips. And since that kiss, I hadn’t been able to get him off my mind. And this level of desire—this was new for me.
I’d had a few one-night stands with women since Sienna had passed, sure, but I never found them particularly… satisfying. It felt like going through the motions more than anything else, something I felt like I should be doing, at least every once in a while. I rarely partied with the club bunnies, either.
I didn’t have anything against casual sex—it just didn’t appeal to me. When I didn’t have it in my life, it never felt like something was missing.
I’d figured I just had a lower sex drive than some guys because I’d rather avoid casual sex and wait to meet the right person—and I’d secretly been starting to think there might not be a right person. I’d been starting to think maybe Sienna was it for me, and I wasn’t ever going to meet someone else that made me feel like she did. And that was okay. I still had the club—my family. I had support.
But Dawson was making me reconsider that.
Being near him made something inside me turn back on—hot all over with desire. I was waking up every morning painfully hard from dreams of Dawson: memories of the kisses we’d shared, and fantasies of more. It was fucking confusing. I’d never felt this way about a man before—hell, I’d barely even felt this level of heat for Sienna—and the intensity of the desire I felt for Dawson was distracting.