Pregnancy.
I sit up and read those symptoms.
Nausea.
Breast tenderness.
Smell sensitivity.
That’s as far as I get before I toss my phone aside and have to run to the bathroom to dry heave. I have nothing left in me.
I sit back on my haunches, still hugging the bowl just in case, and let my mind whirl.
There’s no way I can be pregnant. We’re always careful. And I just had my period…wait. When did I have a period?
“Oh, shit.”
I stand and rinse my mouth out, pull on some clothes, and sneak out the back door of the pub. I drive my little car to the other side of the island, walk into Target, and head for the pharmacy section.
I toss three pregnancy tests and some lip balm into my basket. And then I swing by the bakery for some chocolate chip cookies because I’m going to need them at some point, no matter what the test results are.
If I can stomach the smell of them.
I pay for the goods and hurry back home. Much to my chagrin, Keegan is in the apartment when I walk in.
“Hey, where did you run off to, love?”
“The pharmacy,” I say. I don’t look him in the eyes, just hurry into the bathroom. “Girl stuff. No worries.”
Thank God, I can just say, “girl stuff.” Men steer clear of those words.
I lock myself in the bathroom and get down to business. I pee on the first stick and set it aside, and then open the cookies.
Yes, it’s gross to eat in the bathroom, but I’m suddenly hungry, and these days, I eat when I can.
I’m halfway into the second cookie when I look down at the stick and see two lines.
“What does that mean?” I wonder as I open the instructions and then swallow the now-cardboard bite in my mouth.
Two lines mean I’m pregnant.
“Fuck,” I say out loud and drop the stick into the sink.
“Izzy? Are you okay in there?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I call back and stare at myself in the mirror. “Shit, this is not the plan. I don’t want him to freak out. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to trap him with an anchor baby.”
I scrunch up my nose.
“He won’t think that. That’s dumb.”
“Izzy, open the door.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m fine. You can go.”
“You don’t sound fine. Let me in.”
I shake my head and pace the small space. “I just need some time alone.”
“Then you shouldn’t be with me because that’s not what you signed on for here, love. Open up. Let me help.”
God, I love him so much, and this is going to change everything about our relationship. I don’t know if I’m ready for that.
“This sucks,” I whisper.
“Okay, last chance, Isabella. I went to get my tools, and I’m about to dismantle this door.”
I hear the drill start, and he starts to pull out screws from the hinges.
Finally, I walk over, stick in hand, and unlock the door before he yanks it off.
I pull it open and close my eyes.
But Keegan just wraps his strong arms around me and rocks me back and forth.
“Talk to me, love. There’s nothing going on here that we can’t figure out. What’s wrong?”
I don’t speak. I don’t pull away. I just wiggle my arm out and raise my hand above my head.
“Is that what I think it is?”
I nod.
“Izzy, it’s positive.”
“I know,” I mumble against his chest.
He picks me up and sits on the couch with me in his lap. “Look at me.”
With his finger under my chin, he tips my face up to look at him.
“I know it’s so early,” I say, suddenly unable to keep the words inside. “And unexpected. Trust me, this was not my plan. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to trap you into staying with me with an anchor baby or anything because I would never do that.”
“What in the bleeding hell is an anchor baby?” he asks and brushes my hair over my ear. “Do I look upset to you, Isabella?”
I stop talking and swallow hard, taking in his handsome face. “No.”
“There’s going to be a lot to think about,” he says.
“I know, I just started my new job a couple of weeks ago, and—”
“This isn’t 1968, Isabella. They can’t fire you because you got pregnant. You can work for as long as you want.”
“It’s just a lot to take in. And I ate a lot of cookies.”
“I saw them on the counter.”
“You can have one. I’ll share.”
He laughs and drags his hands up and down my back, soothing me immensely. “We’re going to figure this all out, love. First, I think you should probably see a doctor to get it confirmed, and we’ll just go from there.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It’s not going to be easy.” He kisses the top of my head. “But it’s simple enough. Don’t worry so much.”
“I’m going to be sick.”
“Okay, let’s see what we have here,” Doctor Simpson says as she squirts gel on a wand and sticks it right up my wazoo.
“Oh, that’s not comfortable.”
Keegan’s hand tightens on mine, and the doctor smiles at me. “Sorry, this won’t take too long. Just try to relax. It’s more accurate this way, given how early it is in your pregnancy. Okay, so this is the amniotic sack.”
I squint, trying to see what she sees as she taps on the screen and places marks around a dark circle.
“And this fluttering, right here, is the baby’s heartbeat.”
“Well, look at that,” Keegan murmurs.
“I don’t see a baby,” I say, tilting my head.
“You’re only about eight weeks along, so it doesn’t look like a baby quite yet, but we can see the heart fluttering. It looks strong and perfectly normal for this stage of things.”
“You said eight weeks?” I ask, counting back. I’ve been on the island for about three months. Which means that I got pregnant one of the first times we were together.
And it absolutely, positively cannot be Troy’s.
Thank God.
“Yes, that’s what you’re measuring here. Does that sound right to you?”
“It’s not outside the realm of possibility,” Keegan says. “Although, I usually wear a condom.”
“Condoms aren’t 100% effective,” Dr. Simpson reminds him. “Things happen. The good news here is you’re healthy, and the baby is healthy.”
The baby.
I’m going to have a baby.
She removes the wand and moves away from me. “Do you have any questions before I leave so you can get dressed?”
“Is this horrible nausea normal?” I ask. “I’m sick all the time.”
“Unfortunately, yes. It’s the change in hormones. I can prescribe something for you if it’s too awful. And the good news is, after about twelve weeks, it should start to subside.”
“Oh, good, just another month to go.”
“You’ll need prenatal vitamins, avoid consuming alcohol, cut down on caffeine, and just keep yourself healthy.”