“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. My nurse will set you up with monthly visits for a while. I’ll step out so you can get dressed.”
Keegan and I are quiet as I clean myself up and pull on my clothes. The nurse and I schedule the next three-months-worth of appointments, and then Keegan and I walk out to his truck.
But he doesn’t start it.
“You don’t want this baby,” he says quietly. “If that’s the way you feel, I wish you’d just say so, Isabella. Because I want to be happy here, and I can’t do that when I can see that the situation has you feeling miserable.”
I turn to him and feel my eyes fill with tears. “That’s not it.”
“Hold on.” He gets out of the truck and comes around to my side. He somehow manages to get me into his lap in the passenger seat and kisses my cheek.
“I’ve been sitting in your lap a lot lately. I kind of like it.”
“I need you to talk to me, my love.”
“I know.” I swallow hard and look out the window as I rest my head on his shoulder. “It’s not that I don’t want children, or even this baby. I love babies. When I hold little Thomas, my ovaries ache. Which is silly, but it’s a thing. It’s just…this wasn’t on my radar at all for a while. It’s such a surprise, and I wasn’t ready. And this part is going to sound so selfish, I’m ashamed of myself.”
“You’re not selfish at all, Isabella. And you can say anything at all to me. What is it?”
“I thought we’d have a few years alone first. To build our house, and our life, and get to know each other better. And now we won’t have that, and it makes me sad.”
“That doesn’t sound selfish at all. Not to me.”
I kiss his cheek and wipe a tear from my face.
“It’s taken us both by surprise, and that’s the truth of it, love. But children are blessings, no matter when they decide to make their grand entrance. We still have time to do all of the things you mentioned. And once the baby is here, we’ll continue to do those things with him in tow.”
“What if it’s a her?”
He grins and kisses my head. “With her in tow, then.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I know you’re right. I know that everything is going to work out, and we’ll find our footing. It’s just a little scary.”
“Of course, it is.”
“Is it scary for you, too?”
“I’m scared out of my mind, truth be told.”
“You’re so calm.”
“There’s no need to freak out. Because, like you said, we’ll find our footing. We have a lot of people around to help. There’s a lot of love to go around, you know?”
“I know, and it makes me so happy. Your family has made me feel welcome from the first day I got here. I love them all so much.”
“And they love you. My parents are going to jump for joy when we tell them.”
“Can you do me a favor?” I ask.
“Anything.”
“Can we wait to tell everyone else? Just for a little while. Most couples wait until they’re about twelve weeks along, just to be sure that everything’s okay.”
“That’s another month, Izzy.”
“I know. And I probably won’t need that long. I just have to wrap my head around everything. Give me just a couple of weeks?”
“I can do that.” He kisses my head again and then tips my chin up to cover my lips with his. “I love you so much, Isabella.”
“I love you, too.” I feel my lip quiver as he drags his fingertips down my cheek. “Thank you for not assuming this is an anchor baby.”
“What does that mean, exactly?”
“You know, when a girl gets pregnant on purpose, so the guy has to stay with her. Or so she thinks.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I know, it’s dumb. And I wouldn’t do that.”
“Of course, you wouldn’t. I think I need to remind you that loving someone means you assume the best of them, not the worst. I wouldn’t jump to horrible conclusions when something unexpected happens in our lives. And I would hope you wouldn’t, either.”
“The people I’ve had in my life before would, Keegan. And it’s sometimes hard to rewire the way you think. But I’m working on it. And I’m grateful for you and your steady calm. I’m sorry that you thought I wasn’t happy about this.”
“I wondered if you wanted to end the pregnancy.”
I turn wide eyes up to him. “No, I don’t want to do that. I don’t need to do that. I just need some time to get used to the idea, that’s all.”
“Like I said, we have time. She’s not coming next week.”
“What if it’s a he?”
He laughs and hugs me to him. “You’re funny, you know that? He’s not coming next week. Nothing is happening right away.”
“And that’s good because I don’t have the energy to handle anything else right now. I’m tired all the time and can’t stop throwing up.”
“Do you need the night off? You can get some rest, and I’ll call Maeve into work. Her hand is all healed up. She’s right as rain.”
“No, I can work. Besides, it’s a Wednesday, it won’t be too busy. The weekends are hard because I work late into the night the rest of the week, but when I go to the other job, it’s super early in the morning. My internal clock is confused.”
“I bet. From now on, you won’t work Thursday nights so you have that and Friday to go to bed earlier.”
“That’ll help,” I concede. “I can work earlier in the day, just a short shift for the lunch crowd so Maggie isn’t there for so long.”
“That should work.” He nuzzles my temple. “Are we okay, then?”
“Yeah, we’re good. I feel better after talking it all through. Everything’s going to work out just fine.”
“It’s going to be bloody brilliant,” he replies. “Now, let’s get home so you can get a nap before work, yeah?”
“You read my mind. I also want chocolate chip cookies.”
“That’s all you’ve eaten over the past few days.”
“I know, it’s the only thing that sounds good, and the only thing that doesn’t come right back up again. I tried eating your mom’s stew last night because it’s always my favorite, but I couldn’t stomach it.”
“Well, then chocolate chip cookies it is for now. As long as you’re eating something. And we’ll pick up some vitamins for you.”
“And chocolate milk.”
He looks down at me in surprise. “The baby wants chocolate milk.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “Then the wee one will have it.”
Chapter 17
~Izzy~
I’m just so tired. I could sleep standing up. Or anywhere, really. It’s been a week since I saw the doctor, and the symptoms are no better. I’m exhausted, can’t keep much down, and holy shit, do my boobs hurt.