Like, I’m pretty sure I’m going to need a few different pairs of jeans, and all my fun tops, and some basic T-shirts, and obviously every pair of shorts I own. And it only makes sense to pack some dresses too, right? It’s not like I’ll only be working all the time.
So that means that I need to bring some cute shoes, maybe a pair of wedges, and those strappy sandals I’ve been wearing all summer. The same ones I wore on my first date with Connor, which, let’s be real, still stands as the hottest date I’ve ever been on in my life. And if I’m bringing the strappy sandals, I should probably bring some comfortable shoes too, like the sneakers I wear when I take Marley on a walk around the neighborhood.
Gah! And we’re back to Connor and Marley.
I used to be so excited for this trip. This was the only thing I was looking forward to for so long, and now? Now the thought of leaving makes me sick to my stomach.
I toss the sneakers I was holding onto the floor and throw myself back onto the bed, burying my face in my hands. I haven’t felt this torn up about something in . . . well, I don’t know how long. My heart hurts. Like, physically hurts. I don’t know how I’m going to walk onto that plane without puking my guts up or bawling my eyes out.
Even the thought of all the good we’ll be doing over there isn’t doing anything to comfort me. Because I have people who need me here too. Connor needs me, and so does Marley. And leaving them now just feels so freaking wrong.
My phone buzzes again, only this time it doesn’t stop.
I roll over and pick it up to find a number I don’t recognize calling me. But I do recognize the area code. It’s the same as the area code of the phone number of the agency that’s organizing the trip. Probably some last-minute check-in that I’ve gotten all my immunizations and have my passport up to date. That kind of routine stuff.
“Hello?” My voice is raspier than I thought it would be. And I haven’t even started crying yet.
“Hi, is this Jessa McClaine?” It’s a woman’s voice. She’s chipper and professional, the kind of person who likes to help people. The kind of person who goes on these trips without a second thought.
“Speaking.”
“Hi, Jessa, this is Cassidy. I’m calling about your upcoming trip. Do you have a minute?”
“Yep, I’m all ears. I was just packing, actually.”
“Oh, well, you might want to put a pause on the packing. We have a proposal for you. It’s a little out of left field, so don’t feel pressured to say yes, but we could really use you in a different area of the organization.”
My stomach falls to my feet. I nod, and then I remember that she can’t see me. “I see. What’s the proposal?”
“So, I know you had your heart set on traveling abroad, and I know this is very last minute, but we’re actually very much in need of volunteers here in the States. You’re in Chicago, correct?”
“Correct,” I blurt out faster than she can finish her sentence.
“Okay, that’s what I thought,” she says with a chuckle. “So, yeah, we’ve just received a call that we have eighty-five refugees on their way to Chicago from El Salvador and Honduras. We need a few of our staff members to stay behind and help coordinate these people’s next moves. Now, it’s going to be a big job. They’ll need a lot of support finding housing, employment, childcare. The kids will need to be enrolled in local schools, doctor’s appointments, vaccines. We’ve already got two verbal commitments, but we’re looking for one more person to give up their spot on the trip to help with this project. Is this something that you’d be interested in?”
My mind is spinning from all the information she just gave me, but one thing stands out above all the rest of the noise.
I don’t have to leave anymore. I can stay here. I can stay with Connor and Marley.
I almost sob with relief. Thankfully, I take a moment to compose myself.
“Jessa?” she asks.
“I’m here,” I say, quickly doing some mental gymnastics to see if making this compromise on staying here to work for the organization will mean losing a piece of myself. I do want to have a real shot with Connor, but I want to be sure I’m considering all sides. I don’t want to give up on my dreams.
Cassidy clears her throat. “If you need to think about it . . .”
“I don’t. I would love to stay and help with this project.”
The words feel like they’re being spoken by someone else, but it’s my voice that’s delivering them. My brain’s still not quite able to process the full reality of what’s happening right now, but I know it’s what I truly want.
Cassidy barrels forward like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “That’s great news, Jessa. Thank you so much for your generosity and willingness to step up where you’re needed. Your verbal commitment will be satisfactory for now, but we’ll send a written contract in the mail, and you should receive it next week.”
“Okay. That sounds fine.”
“Awesome. We’ll be in touch with more information soon, but before I let you go, do you have any questions for me at this time?”
“Um, thank you? I mean, I just really appreciate this opportunity.”
Cassidy laughs. “You’re welcome. We’ll be reaching out to you soon about start dates and any additional paperwork we’ll need you to fill out.”
“Okay. Thank you. ’Bye.”
I hang up and sit there with the phone in my hand for what feels like another five minutes.
Do I have some kind of supernatural power I’m not aware of? Or maybe I’ve got some kind of super-special connection to God or whoever’s in charge up there. Whatever it is, I’m going to need a minute to process what the hell just happened.
I’m not leaving anymore.
I’m staying here.
I’m staying here in Chicago, and that means Connor and I can be together.
Holy shit.
The full weight of the reality of what’s happening hits me all at once, and I jump up from the bed and punch my fists in the air. In any other circumstance, it would feel corny as hell, but right now, I don’t know what else to do. There’s no other way to express how freaking over the moon I’m feeling right now.
Actually, that’s not true. I can think of plenty of things I’d like to do the next time I see Connor. And the best part is, the next time I see him definitely won’t be the last.
Relief rushes through me, and I fall back onto the bed with a huge grin on my face.
17
* * *
CONNOR
This is hopeless.
After scrolling through another nanny’s résumé and references, I press the heels of my hands against my tired eyes.
I haven’t been sleeping well, knowing that Jessa is just days away from disappearing from our lives like she was never here in the first place. And it isn’t just the task of finding another nanny that’s overwhelming me. It’s the idea that I may lose my one shot at something truly promising.
If I lose Jessa, I know I could lose more than just a chance at a relationship—I could lose a chance at real happiness.