I click to open another application with a sigh. Plenty of experience, two glowing referrals, a holistic approach to childcare . . . everything a single dad could want in a nanny.
I turn to Marley, who’s been busying herself in the bouncer at my feet by gnawing on a teething toy. It’s pretty much impossible not to pause and marvel at how big she’s already gotten in just a handful of months. I wonder if she’ll remember Jessa, her loving caretaker for these crucial months of development, or if she simply won’t notice the swap of one pair of warm arms for another.
I lower my laptop to her level so she can get a good look at the applicant’s résumé. “What do you think? Does she seem like your type?”
Marley looks at the screen. Frowning, she flaps her pudgy little arms as an animated squeal leaves her lips.
“Yeah, me neither.”
It takes the rest of the afternoon, but I’ve narrowed it down to three potentials. One older nanny with experience as an au pair abroad, one younger nanny with a graduate degree in child development and psychology, and one last nanny with an address conveniently near mine. To calm Marley’s fussing, I’ve long since tucked her against my chest, and she’s now snoring softly into the worn fabric of my shirt.
I’m just beginning to doze too when I’m roused by a soft knock at the front door.
Jessa?
That can’t be right. She should be downtown at the nonprofit’s headquarters, finalizing the paperwork for her trip. And if she isn’t downtown, she’d certainly be busy packing away what few belongings she has upstairs at the Wilkeses’.
Maybe she has to leave early and she came to say good-bye. Or maybe it’s just one of the census people again.
I take a deep breath, and with Marley in one arm, somehow manage to get myself up from the couch without waking her. And when I open the front door, any uncertainty I had about things between Jessa and me collapses into a warm puddle of all the sappy emotions, all at once.
Jessa stands on my front porch, a warm smile on her lips. “Hi,” she says breathlessly.
I drink in the sight of her—the casual tee, the comfortable leggings, the familiar sneakers—and I nearly choke on the lump camping out in my throat. Don’t leave.
“Hey,” I manage to croak out. “What’s up? I thought you were doing trip stuff today.”
“I was.” She nods, breaking eye contact with me to stare at her shoes. “And then I got a call.” She twists her fingers together, a nervous gesture.
I arch an eyebrow. “What about? Is everything okay?”
“Well, it’s a lot to explain.”
“Okay. Do you want to come inside?” I nod my head toward the ajar door, careful not to jostle the sleeping baby nestled peacefully against my chest.
“It’s so nice out. Can we talk out here?”
Does she not want to come in? My body tenses on instinct. What the hell is going on?
“Of course.”
I step inside briefly to grab a blanket to keep Marley warm against the beginning of a breeze that feels more like fall. Soon, the three of us are sitting together on the front porch, watching the sun set over the tall trees lining my street.
I turn to see a contemplative look on Jessa’s face. I’m impatient, but I train my voice to be gentle. “Jessa, tell me what’s going on.”
“So, here’s the thing. I got offered a job. Not the abroad job . . . um, one here in Chicago. It’s with the same nonprofit organization, but it turns out they need more support here in Chicago than they do in El Salvador. So they’ve offered me a position here.”
Oh. My heart is pounding at the base of my throat, a triumphant cheer desperate to be released. But I keep my mouth shut. Better to keep my hopes low and not set myself up for more hurt. But still, I can’t help thinking . . . don’t leave.
“And I said yes.”
The cheer dissolves into a strangled sigh, deflating all my tension and stress and leaving nothing but pure relief. Thank fuck.
I lean into Jessa, resting my forehead on her shoulder. She giggles, leaning her head on mine.
“I’m so glad,” I whisper, tightening my hold on Marley. “She will be too, once she wakes up.”
“Which could be at any second, if I know anything about this little girl,” Jessa says with a laugh.
“And you most certainly do.” Which is why it’s been so hard to find a replacement. I lift my gaze to hers, enjoying the way the setting sun colors her cheekbones a dusty pink. “Why the hell did you lead in like you were sharing bad news?”
She chuckles. “I don’t know. I guess I was worried this would change things between us. I’ve been gearing up to leave for, like, months, and suddenly I’m staying? I didn’t know how you’d feel about that.”
I reach out to cup the side of her face, drawing my thumb across the softness of her cheek. “I feel happy. Happier than you could ever imagine.”
A smile flickers across Jessa’s lips before settling into a soft frown.
“But you still have to find a new nanny,” she says, concern in her eyes. “With this new job, I’ll be working full time, plus probably overtime when it’s needed. I wish I could, but I can’t be in two places at once.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ve already got three good options picked out.” Suddenly, I’m very glad I did all that tiresome work today. I can see the weight lifting off of Jessa’s shoulders as she sits up a little straighter.
“Really?”
“Really.”
A shadow of disappointment falls over her features. “I’m going to miss taking care of Marley.” Her eyes meet mine with a desperation I know all too well. “Not just Marley. I’m going to miss you too. But staying in Chicago means I need to find a new apartment—”
“Move in with me.”
She sighs softly, turning away with a scoff and shaking her head slowly. “No, Connor. You’ve been kind enough already, offering to let me stay here for a few days.”
“I’m not being that kind. I’m actually being incredibly selfish.”
“Come on . . .”
“Jessa, I mean it. Move in with me. With us. Permanently.”
She blinks, turning back toward me with a curious look in those big blue eyes. “Permanently?”
With the hand not securing Marley, I take Jessa’s fingers and bring them to my mouth to brush whisper-soft kisses against her knuckles.
“Jessa . . . this is all new to me. I haven’t felt the way I feel about you with anyone else. You could be leaving for El Salvador as planned, and I’d still feel the same damn way. But you’re not leaving, and maybe that makes me greedy, because I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want to spend a single day away from you. So, please, move in with me. With us.” I meet her eyes, the blue orbs filling with tears. “I don’t want you to let me go either. I don’t want to let you go.”
Tears fall freely down her freckled cheeks now, so I capture them with tender kisses. And when her lips meet mine in a passionate, gasping kiss, all that matters is the touch of her skin against mine.
We part only when my daughter, now predictably wide awake, begins pulling at Jessa’s hair. While we attempt to pry a tiny fistful of curly locks from Marley, she laughs gleefully, a laugh so contagious we can’t help but join in.