“I can’t magically undo the hurt or wipe away the pain of you leaving me without an explanation, but now that I know why I can understand. I’m willing to work on things, it will take time to get back to where we were before. But, Ryder, you can’t ever walk away from me again. I can’t take you back a fourth time.” She knew in her heart that was true. Giving him a chance now was one thing because she finally knew the truth, but if he did it again it would be over between them no matter how much she loved him.
Ryder’s arm scooped under her bottom, lifting her up so they were eye to eye, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. “Abigail, I promise you that I will never walk away again. I can’t. I don’t want to lose you. I understand that you need to take things slow, that we need to rebuild trust, I won’t rush you. You are in control of what happens and when. I’d wait for you for all eternity.”
Satisfied that they were finally starting out in a place where they might be able to make it this time, she asked, “What did Eric do when he found out about us?”
“He punched me.” Ryder grinned when she sputtered. “I deserved it, you don’t sleep with your best friend’s little sister.”
“Did he know?”
“About my past? No, not when your dad told me to leave you, and not when he made the promise on your dad’s deathbed.”
“Did he know when he told you to leave me?”
“No, he found out after it was already done, after I’d left you again, he asked, and I told him. He hated himself when he found out, Abby, try not to be too hard on him.”
“I think I hate him, Ryder, my dad. What he did to you … I don’t think I can forgive him for that.”
“He did what he thought was best for his little girl.”
“He was wrong. I was in love with you, you would never have laid a hand on me, you would have protected me with your dying breath.”
“We all make mistakes. If your dad had lived he would have come around. He didn’t know you loved me, all he saw was a man who had killed his parents in bed with his eighteen-year-old daughter.”
“How can you be so forgiving?”
“Because all that is important to me right now is that I’m holding you in my arms, I have another chance with you, and I know I’m not going to mess it up this time. This time is forever.”
“Kiss me, Ryder,” she said with a smile. When his lips touched hers the broken pieces of her heart clicked back into place. This was where she belonged, in the arms of the man she had never stopped loving.
5:55 P.M.
Spider stroked Abigail’s hair as she slept with her head in his lap.
After their talk and their kiss they’d curled up on the couch together just like they had the day before and watched some of Abby’s favorite Disney movies. It hadn’t taken her long to fall asleep, and while he’d kept the movie running for background noise, all he’d done was sit and look at her and try to believe that he really had another chance with her.
A chance he was determined not to blow.
Thankfully Abigail had slept well, no nightmares, and he hoped that maybe she was starting to turn the corner. It was probably wildly naïve of him to think that, she’d only been back a few days, and it wasn’t like his love could magically cure her, but he wasn’t used to this side of things. Usually, he and his team did the rescuing and then they handed the victim off to family and friends and professionals, but this time he was the friend, the family, he was the one who had to support her through this, and he felt woefully inadequate for the task.
What did he know about helping people heal from trauma?
“If you keep doing that I’m never going to get up,” Abigail murmured with a content moan.
“Then don’t get up,” he said simply, continuing to let his fingers glide through her silky locks.
“I can’t just sleep forever,” she protested but made no move to get up.
“Your body needs sleep right now to recover,” he reminded her, although he was in no hurry to encourage her to move out of his arms.
“I know, but I hate just lying around, it feels … lazy … like I’m … I don’t even know,” she said, sitting up, climbing into his lap, and curling into him like she needed him to surround her.
Happy to oblige, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. “You’re not lazy, sweetheart, you’re healing, and as much as you don’t like it, it’s going to take some time. You’re not just recovering from pneumonia you’re recovering from fourteen months of terror. Your body isn’t supposed to live like that, loaded with adrenalin.”
“I know, I guess I’m just feeling a little sorry for myself.”
“You’re entitled.”
“No, I think I wasted enough of my life feeling sorry for myself. I might have felt out of place in my family but at least I went to bed fed every night and safe. What happened to you …” she trailed off, and her hands slipped under the hem of his t-shirt, her fingertips tracing over his bare skin. “I wish I could make it go away, I hate that you were hurt like that.”
“That’s the same way I feel about your pain, I wish I could take it away.”
“I wish my dad and my brother hadn’t stolen so much time from us.”
“We have the whole rest of our lives to spend together,” he reminded her. He wished he hadn’t been a coward, wished he hadn’t been ashamed of what he’d done, afraid to have Abigail find out. He wished he hadn’t doubted her love for him or her strength, but she’d been only eighteen back then, and he hadn’t been sure she could handle it.
His mistake, but unfortunately they had both paid the price.
“Yeah, we do,” Abigail agreed, touching her lips to his jaw.
Her lips on him made him start to grow hard, it had been so long since he’d been able to hold her and kiss her and he captured her lips and began to kiss her properly. Abigail’s hands came up to clasp his shoulders, and she twisted on his lap so she was straddling him.
He pulled her closer, kissing her like a starving man. This woman was his heart and soul, and living his life without her in it—even if it had been his own doing—had been living with a part of himself dead. His hands spanned her waist as he plundered her mouth, growing harder as the heat of her body seeped into him.
“I’m sorry, Ryder,” she said, pulling away from him. “I’m not ready for more yet.”
They were both breathing heavily and he could see the arousal in her eyes, but he meant what he’d said earlier, they had the rest of their lives to spend together, there was no need to rush anything. “It’s no problem, Abs,” he told her.
She was breathing heavily—as was he—and her gaze dipped to the tent in his pants. “If you want—”
Spider touched a finger to her lips, silencing her. “I don’t want,” he assured her. “The only thing I want in the world right now is your happiness.”
Abigail gave him a sweet smile. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, babe. I wish I hadn’t cost—”
This time Abigail silenced him with a finger against his lips. “No more wishing. We can’t change the past. My dad did what he did, my brother did what he did, and you did what you did, now I just want to focus on the future.”