I chuckle to myself, thinking, sweet nutcase. The little notion that she called me before her family squeezes something deep inside. We’ve never addressed it but the fact that we have become so important to one another is undeniable. What we have is so much more than what I pretend it to be. My smile gradually fades with the task ahead. My shift ended at two this morning, meaning I have the rest of the day off to start packing and run last errands before my flight in three days.
The Uber drops me off at Poison and Wine, and I enter the place later than everyone else with no real excuse except that I lost track of time packing. The sound of Anna’s voice grabs me the moment I get closer to the table occupied by her group of friends. She’s in the middle of a sermon that seems to intrigue and entertain everyone around her. A group that includes her girlfriends, and Kayla’s band members. I stand a step behind listening, not bothered at all by not being noticed. On the contrary, I’m rather enjoying this candid insight into her social persona. Her eyes twinkle with joy, cheeks a shade rosier from the stuffiness of the dark bar, ever the picture of exquisite beauty.
“It’s a misconception, the whole bad boys are sex gods,” she exclaims and my attention perks up. She turns to Ricky and his friends, the assorted music people, and says, “No offense.”
Ricky sends her a sinister smile. “None taken, babe.”
And she goes on, “Yeah, okay they got the look and the smoldering eyes, and the you-know-you-want-me-smugness, yada yada yada.” she rolls her eyes, causing my lip to tip. “But the wholesome, good guys –still waters run deep, you know what I mean? They don’t come with the whole supposedly rebel, big shot mise-en-scene. They’re quiet and sophisticated and they observe.”
Not sure what triggers it, but something makes her glance up to where I stand, maybe the sense of being watched. She darts me a little intimate smile. Her cheeks take a darker shade as she goes on, eyes linked to mine. “They observe and learn and cherish. They know exactly what to do when they need to deliver because they don’t rely on their reputation, or notoriety. You’re their absolute focus.”
Damn right, sweetheart. Why does it feel like she’s talking about me as her eyes link to mine?
“I call slander!” says one of Kayla’s band members, the one who looks a bit dirty, but in what some people might call a stylish way. Kayla responds with a friendly slap upside his head.
When I make my way to the table Anna “friendlily” pushes one of the other band members to scoot over to make space for me. And I slide between them, taking a seat next to Anna where I so naturally fit. People around the crowded space greet me, some with a smile, some with a chin tip or a nod.
“Hey Doc.” That one is accompanied by a wide tease-y smile from Anna’s sister. When the greetings subside, I pivot my head sideway, focusing on Anna.
She has her elbow on the table, cheek leaning on her hand. She smiles up at me. I mimic her, elbow on the table, temple propped on two fingers, eyes searching hers. “Hi.” I smile at her.
She responds with the sweetest smile. “Hi, you.”
I let out a smitten chuckle. “Are we a little tipsy tonight, Anna?” I ask grinning.
She brings her free hand forward, her pointer finger near her thumb, eyes squinting at her own gesture, she says, “A teeny bit.” The same hand is now extended toward my face, brushing my lips clumsily. “Why are you smiling at me like that?” Her control over her actions obviously alcohol-infused.
My eyes twinkle at her. Christ, how I want to kiss her. I shrug instead. “Tipsy’s cute on you.”
“I’m happy,” she says with a dreamy glow.
“That makes me incredibly happy.”
Her smile widens.
“Congratulations,” I say next.
“Where’s my hug . . . you – you . . . wanker?” Entirely amused with her brilliance, Anna giggles freely.
I chuckle, straightening to sit upright and hold my arms open. She nestles in, burrowing her cheek on my pecs. That feels so incredibly perfect. There’s no fucking denying it, she’s my be-all-end-all girl. Anna, what have you done to me? Pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, I say, “Congrats, sweet kook.”
A moment later I say, “Hey.” Anna pulls back to look at me. “I got you something.” I give her a rectangular wrapped box.
Curious, Anna tears-off the light pink wrapping paper. She opens the box and smiles. “Thought, now that you need to sign important documents for your business you need a proper pen.”
She rewards me with the brightest smile. She glances at the elegant metallic pink fountain pen. “So pretty. I love it!” She leans in to plant a quick kiss on my cheek.
“And . . . here’s the bubbly,” a waitress says, efficiently placing tall glasses in the middle of the table while balancing another tray with a few large chilled bottles.
Anna perks up, brows bunched. “Who ordered—”
She turns to me and I shrug with a side smile. “Celebrating, no?”
Anna looks at me with a cadence that nearly kills me. A look that doesn’t hide how she feels. My self-control is being tested and I feel like I’m just another intimate moment away from losing my resistance.
Needing to break the moment before I do something I regret, I start pouring the bubbly drink into glasses, passing them around. The conversation moves on to food, then cooking. Someone mentions tacos and I deliver the fact that I make some mean ones.
“Hey,” happy Anna pushes my chest amicably. “You never made me tacos!”
I shrug, eyes gleaming at her.
“Okay then, make me tacos as a good-bye meal.”
“You got it,” I smile. “Tomorrow, dinner?”
“You betcha.” She grins at me. I nod, smile matching hers.
“Good-bye?” Pandora, Anna’s friend asks. “Who’s leaving?”
“Liam, here,” Anna pats my chest, her hand lingers a while. “For South Sudan. For six weeks! But he’s not really leaving.” She turns to me with a lax smile. “He’s coming back to me.”
I can’t not pick up on the telltale signs loose-tongued Anna puts out there. The little insinuations and body language. Anyone watching would assume that we’re together or on a very clear path there. I both love it and dislike it in equal measures. Am I leading her on? The bigger question is am I leading us both on? The thin line between friendship and more has been blurred and it’s not necessarily Anna’s doing. Maybe I should cook her dinner, and man up and finally have the talk. No doubt about it, there’s a conversation to be had. However, I need to figure out what exactly I want to say and how. How do you tell someone you’re crazy about that this is not the right time for you to do anything because pursuing it right now will bring it to its demise faster than you can say but-you-said-you’re-okay-with-that? How can you tell this amazing person to wait for you? That you belong together, but they have to wait if they want this relationship to survive. Or ask this someone not to fall for someone else somewhere along the waiting road? Any way you look at it, my unique selling point isn’t exactly a killer. But I need to talk to her, and time is running out. I don’t want a repeat of what happened with Cheryl. I’d rather walk away now than put her through that. But when Anna’s next to me, words fail me. I don’t want to do anything to shake or break what we have even if it’s at the expense of not getting physical. Which of course is all I can think about. It’s fucking torture.