I looked towards the man at the podium checking that the machine holding the bingo balls was working, and shuddered.
“Is that him?” He looked to be closer to mum’s age than grandma’s.
“Yeah. Betsy has her eye on him too, but he’s not interested in her.”
“He’s a bit young for you, don’t you think?”
“I thought I could be one of them Leopards.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Do you mean cougars?”
“Oh yeah! That’s the one.”
On the one hand I liked grandma’s spirit. I hoped to have half as much fun as she did at her age. On the other hand, I shuddered wondering if she would know what to do with Ted if she had the chance.
“Hey Byron,” Grandma yelled, tapping a man on the shoulder. “You’re in my seat.”
“Sorry Mabel, but I got here first.”
“But I always sit here!”
“Then today is a good day for a change,” he commented.
Grandma tutted. “Whatever happened to chivalry?”
“I’d love to be a gentleman and offer you a seat, but I broke my hearing aid this morning and I can hear the numbers being called a whole lot better from here.”
I didn’t want to interfere and remind him they called the numbers over a loudspeaker. Instead I pulled out a chair alongside him and suggested Grandma sit down before someone else took the seat. She muttered about it being better than nothing, when I heard my name called.
My gaze shot up and my grandmother from my dad’s side of the family smiled back at me.
“Grannie Carol?”
“How are you, Molly?” Grannie Carol was a lot taller than I was. Her now white hair was tied in a neat bun at the nape of her neck. Her lips, as always, were painted in her bright fuchsia lipstick, and the pearls in her earrings were real. Today she wore a pale blue polo shirt and black pants that I knew would be elasticated at the waist. She was the polar opposite to Grandma Mabel, and it was common knowledge that the two women didn’t really get along.
“She’s pregnant,” blurted grandma, almost snarling across the table.
“Pregnant?” Grannie Carol recoiled, her eyes wide and the wrinkles on her forehead deepened.
“Ah...yes,” I hurriedly added. “But I’ve only just found out, and I was going to come and see you today with the news,” To be honest, I hadn’t been to visit Grannie Carol in several months, as it was also common knowledge that her and I didn’t really get along either. I guess I was more like Mabel than I cared to admit.
“But you’re not married,” she countered.
“Yeah, and the father’s done a runner,” added Mabel, almost throwing me under the proverbial bus. I tried to shush her with a glare.
“He hasn’t done a runner,” I added, through gritted teeth. “He’s out of the country on personal business.”
“Oh my!” said Carol, sitting hard on the nearest chair. “This is not right. It’s just not right.”
“What’s not right about it?” Mabel’s eyes were narrowed to slits.
“The child was conceived out of wedlock. What will happen to it?”
“Should I remind you that Nelle was knocked up when she married your son Bill?” Grandma Mabel had her hands on her hips, her eyes throwing daggers across the table. Everyone within hearing distance had gone quiet, a few of them turning up the volume on their hearing aids, obviously not wanting to miss the gossip.
Grannie Carol prickled at the accusation. “Mabel, you are a lot of things. You’re loud, you’re brash and you are anything but a lady. But one thing I never pegged you for was a liar!”
“I’m not lying you stupid old codger. Did you never wonder why Molly was born only seven months after the wedding?”
“She was premature!”
“She came on her due date.”
Oh geez.
“Then I guess it’s like mother, like daughter, like granddaughter, then isn’t it?” Carol’s cheeks matched the color of her lipstick.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Grandma demanded.
“Word has it that Arthur only married you because you were pregnant.”
“That’s a lie! Arthur married me because he loved me. God rest his soul.”
“God pity his soul, is more like.”
I sucked in a breath. Four people around me sucked in a breath. Father Dawson sucked in a breath. Grandma picked up her bingo cards and launched them across the table, smacking Carol in the head with them.
She screamed and threw her pink marker at Mabel and all hell broke loose.
Thankfully the fight was a lot slower than it could have been, but once Mabel picked up Byron’s water and tipped it over Carols’ head, Father Dawson took my elbow and demanded that I take Mabel and leave.
It was probably for the best. Grandma’s purple tinted curls were askew, and Ted had a good view of the slip she wore under her dress as it appeared she had popped a few buttons mid fight. His grin was large and fast, and I figured he was enjoying his new job.
****
Needless to say, mum wasn’t happy to have grandma home early. Grandma however, had seen the upside, reminding me that Ted had seen her bra. Which apparently was a good thing.
“Don’t be too hard on her,” I said to mum as grandma shuffled towards her bedroom for a new dress. Dad wouldn’t find the whole bra thing as amusing as Ted had.
“She can’t go anywhere without creating havoc!”
“I know. But Grannie Carol was half to blame. She did provoke her. Sure, she probably didn’t deserve the soaking, but I’m positive one day she’ll see the funny side of it.” Maybe. Probably not.
“What are you talking about?” Mum stopped mid-stir on the muffin mix.
Once I’d explained the series of events that had occurred, she dropped her wooden spoon and sat heavily on the nearest chair. Grannie Carol had never really approved of her son marrying mum, and I believed the two women only tolerated each other when he was around.
“Does that mean grandma is off the hook?” I asked as she hid her smile behind a cough.
“No! It does not. Carol will phone your father and I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Of come on. Lighten up.”
Mum fiddled with the edge of the tablecloth, her lips twitching at the corners. “What did Carol do when she got wet?”
I grinned. “The color of her skin matched her lipstick.”
It wasn’t often mum flashed a smile but when she did it was magnificent. All pearly white teeth and dimples. I moved towards her and gave her a hug.
“Please don’t tell your father I found that amusing,” she said, once her serious face was back in place.
“It’ll be our secret. Now, I think grandma deserves banana choc chip muffins, don’t you? They’re her favorite.”
“I guess she has had a traumatic morning. It would be the right thing to do for her after all.” Mum stood and started adding chocolate chips to the muffin mix. I kissed her cheek and with a ‘see you later’ made my way back to the car.
I’d just connected my phone to the Bluetooth when it rang. The caller was private with no ID.