A few minutes later she gets back in the car and drops the bag into my lap. “I bought a few just in case. Did you know the tests are on the same aisle as the condoms and tampons?” She cackles, and Georgia smacks her arm, glaring. “What?” she says, exasperated. “It’s pretty damn ironic. You’re going to that aisle for something. If not to get condoms, then to get a pregnancy test. It’s like a reminder every time you go to grab condoms. If you don’t use these, you’ll end up buying those.”
If what she was saying wasn’t so damn true, I would be laughing right along with her. But the fact is, Ryan and I didn’t use protection. He pulled out every time, but everyone knows that isn’t foolproof.
We get back to her house and I take all three tests. All of them saying the same damn thing: PREGNANT
I’m freaking pregnant.
Lexi was right. All the signs pointed to my being pregnant, but I didn’t want to admit it. Now, I have no choice.
“Are you okay?” Lexi asks, her voice unusually serious.
“No, I need to go.”
“Go where?” Georgia asks, concerned.
“Home. I need my mom.” I’m every bit aware I sound like a child when I say this, but I don’t care. I need her now. I need to tell her what I’ve done. What’s to come. I need her to hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay. She had me when she was close to my age, so she’ll understand.
“I’m not sure you’re okay to drive,” Lexi points out.
“I’m pregnant, not handicapped.”
“And in shock,” Georgia says.
“I’ll be okay.” I throw my clothes into my luggage. I came to visit for the weekend, needing to get away after Ryan had called and asked if I would visit him. I almost said yes, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t allow myself to fall for a man whose job involves risking his life. Not again.
Four hours later I arrive home, and the second I stumble through the door and find my mom, I throw myself into her arms, letting the tears come.
“Micaela, what’s wrong?” she coos, sitting us on the couch and holding me in her arms.
“I messed up,” I say through a hiccup. “I’m pregnant.”
She stills momentarily, but then rocks me in her arms, allowing me to cry without asking any questions. “Everything is going to change,” I say through a sob. “All the plans I made…”
She pats her lap and I lay my head down on it, curling up into a ball. She runs her fingers through the strands of my hair, calming me down as I cry into her lap. “Shh, it’s okay, sweet girl, everything is going to be okay.”
When I finally get a hold of myself enough to talk, I sit up and she wipes my tears, giving me a soft smile.
“I didn’t know you’ve been with anyone,” she says, her voice hurt but not judgmental. My mom and I are close and I usually tell her everything.
“Only one guy,” I admit. “When I was away…” She nods. “As you know I went to the beach house, and when I got there, Ryan was there.”
Her eyes widen briefly. “Ryan…”
“Cruz.” I sniffle. “Dad had given him the key so he could spend some time there before being shipped off to Afghanistan.”
“I didn’t know that,” she says.
“I figured as much when I told you where I was and you didn’t mention it.”
“Which was why you asked me not to tell your dad where you were.” Her lips turn down into a slight frown.
“I’m sorry. I just needed some time and I knew he would send someone to check on me.”
“True,” she agrees. “He would’ve.”
“I didn’t plan on this,” I say dumbly. “I finally moved forward… Made all these plans.”
“Stop,” Mom says, resting her palm against my cheek. “I didn’t plan for you, but you were without a doubt the best damn surprise of my life.”
“And mine,” Dad says, walking into the room. He takes one look at me and stalks over. “Why are you crying?”
His question has the waterworks starting all over again, and I burst into tears. “I’m pregnant.”
“What?” Dad gasps, sitting next to me. “Who the fuck knocked you up?”
“Marco,” Mom chides. “Calm down, please.”
“No,” he booms. “I want to know who the fuck knocked up my daughter, and why he’s not here with her right now.”
“He can’t be here,” I mutter through my cries.
“He had no problem knocking you up. He should be man enough to come here with you and support you through this.”
“He doesn’t know,” I admit.
This gets Dad’s attention. “Who is it, Micaela?” he asks again.
“You can’t tell anyone, and you can’t freak out, please,” I beg.
Dad nods.
“The baby is Ryan’s,” I murmur.
“Ryan who?” he asks slowly.
“Cruz.”
“When the hell did you hook up with him?” He stands, knocking the coffee table back a couple inches.
“Two months ago… at the beach house.”
I can see it when he puts the pieces together. He begins pacing the room, murmuring to himself, while Mom and I stay seated, waiting for him to calm down.
“I’m going to kill him,” he finally says, stopping in place. “He’s dead.”
“He’s in Afghanistan,” I choke out, fresh tears welling in my eyes.
“Fuck.” Dad’s face softens, and he cuts across the room, pulling me into his arms. He holds me for a few minutes, until I get control of my emotions.
“You have to tell him,” he says. “You can’t keep it from him.” When his eyes meet my mom’s, I know exactly what he’s thinking. When she was pregnant with me, she kept it from him. It’s not something they talk about often, but my mom and I are close and she was honest with me. When I lost Ian and Dad recommended I write him a letter, they told me the story behind my mom’s pregnancy and what my dad went through when he was addicted to drugs.
“This isn’t the same thing.” I stand, needing some space. “He’s in another country. He could die over there.”
“Honey,” Mom says sympathetically.
“How would I even get ahold of him? Email him, send a damn letter. Hey, surprise! I’m pregnant and you’re thousands of miles away, fighting for your life in the desert. Congratulations, Baby Daddy!”
“Micaela,” my dad starts.
“No, I’m going to tell him. But not now. Not while he’s over there. It’s not the right time. And I’m asking you not to tell anyone either. If he makes it back alive, I’ll tell him.”
Ryan
Present Day
“I was going to tell you,” Micaela says softly. “But I was…” She sucks in sharp breath. “What if you…?” I fill in the blanks, knowing exactly what’s going through her mind. She was scared. What if I didn’t make it back alive? It doesn’t make up for her keeping me in the dark, but on some level, I get it. She lost her husband, and she was scared of losing me. It’s why I walked away from her that day. I knew we couldn’t be together. I knew she would never be happy being with someone like me, and she deserved to be happy.