I gazed into his eyes, and they stared openly back at me. He wasn’t playing any games. This was for real.
“The Jackals have been looking out for you for some time now, sweetheart.”
“Looking out for me without my knowledge? Why didn’t you look out for me when my father was beating mom and me?” I bit back, scowling at him with unrepressed anger. “Seems like the Jackals didn’t give a fuck that I starved most of my life while my mom drank herself to oblivion.”
“Christ, you really are so clueless,” he muttered quietly. His fingers touched my cheek and I flinched away, trying to get his touch as far away from me. But he only kept coming at me until he tangled a strand of my hair around his index finger, raking his eyes all over me.
“Your mother was the daughter of a once Vice President of the Jackals, birdy. In our club, that means you’re ours whether you like it or not. But when he passed away, your mother met a fucking douchebag wannabe loser that wanted nothing more than to be a part of our club. When it was clear his pathetic ass wasn’t gonna get in, Joanne wanted nothing to do with us. She chose a piece of shit to play daddy to you before he turned her to the drink.”
What…? “What do you mean ‘play daddy’?”
“Norman wasn’t your real father. Sorry I have to break that to you. Doubt that’ll actually pull on your heartstrings, though.”
No, it certainly didn’t. In fact, I felt elated at that news. “How do you know that?”
“Because she had you before she met him.”
A tear escaped my eye. I wasn’t a monster like him. All those years hating my bloodline because it was linked to a sick fuck like him. Didn’t mean my situation was any better. His words were vibrating through my system like a tsunami. The news digested in waves.
Fucking Daniel. I can’t believe how naïve I was. But how the fuck would I have known better? Was anything he did genuine? Ordered to hire me, and then fucking me against said orders. Did he keep me at an arm’s length to hide our relationship from the outside world – from the Jackals? Was that whole broken hearted woe-is-me he spouted to me all a lie to get me to acquiesce to the arrangement?
I’d wondered how he knew about the bikers, and that I was in a dodgy part of town. Or that Jaxon was a Scorpion long before I’d known it. That was a piece of the puzzle fitted. Everything else still felt like a giant sloppy mess of fucked up shit with a cherry on top.
“So she left and then what?” I found myself asking as I took him in with more ease than before. It seemed like the danger was over, that he wasn’t going to hurt me after all, not if he was spouting all that “looking after you” shit.
He moved to the wall, resting his back against it beside me. The guy was massive next to my tiny self, much bigger than I remembered him at the swings all that time ago.
Raking his hand through his shaggy black hair, he said, “My sister, Rita, got close with her.” His sister was Rita? More shock. “We were like family once upon a time, but you probably don’t remember me. Used to watch over you when you were a kid at Felix – I mean, your grandfather’s house.”
Those eyes. Oh, my fucking God. He was the little boy in the pictures with me as a baby. The sharp chin of his, those dark eyes… My breath thinned as I made the connection. All doubt ebbed away as his words solidified. This man had known me all my life. “I don’t gotta know you to know you.” Why did my heart seize in my chest all of a sudden?
“About a year after you left, Joanne returned to us,” he continued, breaking me from all thoughts. “As she and Rita grew close, she asked that we look out for you. It wasn’t easy finding you again after you’d left, but when I did, I stuck around for a while to make sure you were doing alright. Didn’t seem to be going too well, though. Seemed to be trouble in paradise with your man. Had him followed too, just to make sure he wasn’t a fuckhead taking advantage of one of our own. Wasn’t long after that before you disappeared on him. He went to prison, came back out a Scorpion. Men on the inside said he did some heavy shit for Finley, earned himself a free pass into the Scorpions. Which means he must have done some really impressive shit inside those walls. Two peas in a pod now, him and Finley.
“Don’t gotta give you all the answers right now, birdy. I just want you to understand you’re not here to get hurt. Ain’t no one gonna do anything to you while I’m here.” His face leaned down to mine, the intensity in his eyes showing me, once again, how honest he was being.
Still, he frightened me too. How I could feel at peace and yet in fear at the same time in the presence of one man, I didn’t even try to understand it. There was such a hardness about him. The way his jaw ticked, the way his shoulders tensed, how big he was and how puny I felt beside him. At the same time, there was gentleness in his eyes when he wanted to show it. And right now, he wanted to show me it. The softness crept into my being, relaxing the tension in my arms that had been holding tight my knees to my chest.
“Will you let me go?” I asked him.
“Not yet,” he answered.
“Why not?”
“Because I said so.”
Because he wanted to know about his brother, I figured. How would he feel after I told him? Would he turn back on his word? He was going to lose his shit.
“You’re scared.” His lips flattened as he regarded me. “Whatever you say, birdy, I’m not here to harm you. Understand?” When I didn’t nod, his warm hand took mine.
“You’re frozen,” he murmured. He got up and, to my surprise, took me with him. Wrapping both arms around me, he picked me up effortlessly off the ground and settled me back into the bed, tucking the blue quilt around me. The gesture was uncomfortably gentle. I didn’t want to feel good around him.
I warmed up quickly, and he regarded me as though he could see right through me. The only person that ever made me feel so bare was Jaxon; he read me like a book, so watching Remy do the same with equal intensity made me even more uncomfortable. I was falling into a stupid mindset, recalling all those nights as a kid I’d spent envisioning this man. Sometimes I’d been tempted to ask a biker about him, but of course fear prevailed over desire.
Now here he was; the stranger I’d met for such a brief amount of time that I’d crushed on for years until I became whole with Jaxon. Which was why I was pushing all these unwanted feelings right out of me. I didn’t need a complication. And just thinking about Jaxon made me remember where my loyalty rested. But not even that made any fucking sense. I’d just agreed to let him go on that ride back with – oh, fuck. “Is Damien okay?” I asked.
Remy gave a single nod. “He’s a big guy. Was breathing. Out like a light from impact, but alive nonetheless.”
“Was that…” I couldn’t make eye contact, so I looked down at the square pattern in the quilt as I asked the question. “Was that what you intended? For him to survive?”
His hand went under my chin, and he brought it up so that our eyes met. Darkest eyes I’d ever seen stared into my own, once again discerning every thought I’d tried to hide away. “I’m not some kind of monster,” he whispered gently. “Ain’t no life that don’t deserve takin’ is gonna get taken by my hands. Alright?”