Liam takes a break from his story, giving me a chance to let things sink in. I’m sure he wants me to say something, but there aren’t words to express the confliction I feel. An overwhelming feeling comes over me, and I rub my temples to will away the pending headache.
“I don’t expect you to forgive or even understand for that matter,” he continues after a beat. “But I need you to know I would never purposely hurt you. If I hadn’t been shot, I wouldn’t have shown up at your door. And now that I have, I regret it.” His voice cracks. “Because, Lotus, I love you, and it pains me to see the hate in your eyes when you look at me. I’d give anything to have you feel for me that way again. But I understand that you don’t. I caused you a lot of turmoil.” He sighs. “I promise you, I will fix this and I will protect you. Even if I only have one good arm.” He shrugs his wounded shoulder and chuckles.
I laugh softly and stand to my feet, remembering it’s been at least a day and a half since I’ve checked his bandages. I’ve been so busy being pissed at him that I forgot about the oath I took to care for the wounded and the weak. But he’s not weak. If the last few days has shown me anything, it’s taught me he’s one of the strongest people I know.
I sit my mug on the ledge of the fireplace and bend down for my medical kit that rests beside it. Liam places his cup on the table behind him when I approach and remove the long-sleeved shirt he borrowed from Justin’s home. My gaze lands on his chest, and I have to shake away the tingling feeling that fights to take over me. He holds the kit in his lap, freeing up my hands to peel away the dirty gauze. I inspect the surrounding tissue for swelling and possible infection but find none. He’s still a little tender around the entry point, but that’s to be expected. Liam straightens his shoulders as I reach into the bag for my disinfectant. My wrist grazes his hard flesh, and I jolt slightly. He doesn’t seem to notice, and I’m glad for that. Wetting a gauze, I clean him off before applying an antibacterial cream and rebandaging his shoulder.
I watch the side of his face as I finish up, taking in his features and giving myself a moment to think. I realize he’s been through a lot, too. He could have left Duluth that night, and if he had, Maxium’s men probably would have killed me because they couldn’t find him. I don’t think I’ll be in a place where I’m able to forgive him, but maybe I can cooperate a bit more. I think back to what he said to me in the car a few days ago. I will do everything in my power to protect you. But I can’t do that if you’re pissed with me the whole way. If he’s going to come up with a way out of this, he can’t be worried about keeping me from hating him.
I step back and wash my hands in the sink.
“Thank you,” he says to my back.
I turn to see him pulling his shirt back over his head. But I don’t offer him a welcome. Instead, I give him a soft smile and return to my room.
The clock on the bedside table flashes at me, and I realize I’ve slept into the afternoon. After my chat with Liam last night, I lay here unable to sleep due to mulling over all the information I received. It was a lot to wrap my head around, but the conversation helped some. I don’t like that he’s held so much back from me, though, but I understand why. This is the first we’ve been in the same space since our break-up, and for it to go the way it has, I wouldn’t know what to do or say either. I wasn’t exactly friendly when he showed up and I haven’t been the most pleasant traveling companion.
He’d always been so protective of me during our time together, so I know that’s what he’s trying to do now. But withholding details does nothing but stress us both. It’s going to be a while before I can just let things blow over, but he did make a valid point. This situation, as fucked up as it is, is all we’ve got, and if I want to get out of this with my sanity intact, we can’t continue to battle with each other.
The sound of running water and a loud clunk steals my attention. Curiosity roots itself, and I scoot out of bed. I open the door, and there’s more shuffling with a low mumble.
“Shit,” Liam spits.
I near the edge of the hall where it meets the open space that is our kitchen and living room. Liam’s bent over, picking up an old frying pan from the floor with the most pathetic snarl on his face. I laugh at his obvious frustration and continue over to him. He looks up at me, his eyes softening when they meet mine.
“Why are you making so much noise?” I chuckle.
“Sorry. Did I wake you? I was trying to wash the pan but I didn’t have a good grip on it, and it slipped.” He sits it in the sink.
“No, you didn’t wake me up. What are you doing?”
“Cooking.” He gives me one of those playful, distorted frowns.
“You don’t cook,” I say, wide-eyed.
We both laugh.
“Trying… I was trying to cook. We don’t have a lot left of what we took from JP’s, but I wanted to at least make you something. Sort of a peace offering.” He lifts his left shoulder into a slight shrug. “It won’t be anything fancy and it won’t make up for every—”
“It’s fine. Thank you. I’ll eat whatever you make,” I add to reassure him.
He smiles and nods continuously before turning to the sink where he uses one hand to clean the pan and set it on the two-burner stove top. As he cooks, I snag my shoes from the room and step out on the porch. Sun rays reflect brightly off the blanket of snow, and the cool air hugs me. I look around, taking in all the trees and smile when I spot a family of deer running between them. It really is pretty up in these mountains, so peaceful. Too bad we’re here under shitty circumstances, otherwise, I’d love it.
A few minutes later, the screen door screeches behind me. I turn to find Liam holding it open for me.
“Lunch is ready.”
I nod and follow him back inside. He leads us to the sofa where two plates rest, carrying two semi-burnt sandwiches. Liam sits cross-legged on the rug in front of the couch, pulling his food in his lap. I join him by sitting with both legs pressed together to the side. He passes me my meal for the afternoon and takes a bite from his. I tear off a piece to discover he’s made us grilled cheese and lunch meat sandwiches.
“Thanks. It’s a little…charred,” I add with raised brows.
Liam laughs. “I had the heat up too high. Not used to gas stoves.”
“It’s fine. I was joking.” I smile.
“You can say if it’s bad, I know I can’t cook. But I spoke with Justin while you were asleep. He’s going to loan us some money for food.”
I chew a mouthful and swallow. “Have you been able to contact anyone from the FBI?”
“Not yet. JP is also bringing me a laptop. I need to set up a secure connection before I can reach out. I have the burner, but it needs to be recycled. I don’t know who Johnson gave the number to. And since it’s just been at the safe house until we showed up, I don’t want to risk there being any bugs. We’ve been in the clear for a couple of days, so that may not be the case, but I’ll secure a new one soon.”
I nod and continue eating. I don’t have anything to add and don’t really understand all he’s just said to me. But he’s communicating and providing me with some transparency, and for that I am grateful.