Caz said easily, ‘I had dinner with Didi last night.’ And there it was, the fractional but unmistakable zing of adrenalin through his body, only experienced by proxy but there nevertheless. She’d known it would be; it always was. Without even being aware of it himself, Shay became that fraction more alert whenever Didi’s name was mentioned or she appeared in the vicinity. It was like pressing the enhance button on a photo on your phone. He had no idea he was giving himself away, and no control over it either, but once you’d learned to look out for the signs, there was no mistaking it.
The Didi effect was always there.
But since she needed to prove it to herself for the thousandth time, she continued, ‘It was great to see her again.’
‘In Stratford?’
‘No, I changed my mind, booked into the Wickham last night instead. It’s nicer staying with people you know.’
‘Well, good.’ He reached for his glass, took a swallow of wine. ‘So you had fun.’
‘We had pizzas from Carlo’s. Remember you told me about them? You were so right, they were the best. And I asked her how the plans were going for the wedding. You know, I really thought they might have invited us. Did you wonder about that?’
Shay forked up a piece of snapper. ‘It’s not a big wedding. It’s up to them who they invite.’
She shrugged. ‘I suppose. Well it doesn’t matter now anyway, because it’s all off.’
He froze. Caz found herself trapped in the twin headlights of his gaze. ‘What’s off?’
‘The engagement, the wedding, the whole shebang.’ She noted the single muscle twitching in his jaw, the increased heart rate visible via the pulse in his neck. But it was the look in his eyes that really gave it away.
‘Whose decision?’
‘Didi’s. She said he didn’t do anything wrong. He’s a nice guy. It just wasn’t enough. She couldn’t go through with it.’
‘When did this happen?’
‘Weeks ago. Before your dad died.’
Shay said nothing. He looked away, absorbing this information. Finally he said, ‘Wow.’
‘Better to find out sooner than later, and do something about it. Didi’s fine. She’s relieved to have it sorted.’ Building herself up to it, Caz refilled her own glass for Dutch courage. ‘No point wasting other people’s time, is there? That doesn’t help anyone.’
‘I guess not.’
‘Good. I’m glad you think so.’
Shay was so deep in thought he didn’t even pick up on the comment. She took a gulp of wine and said, ‘Anyway, never mind them, we need to talk about us.’
Now she had his attention. ‘What about us?’
‘Oh come on, Shay. You know what I’m saying.’
He grew still. ‘What are you saying?’
‘You and me. We should have done this before. But it was never the right time, was it? To begin with your dad was ill, then he got really sick, and only a complete cow would waltz off and leave you while that was going on, and when he died . . . can you imagine how the public would have reacted if I’d broken up with you then? I’d have been labelled the heartless bitch from hell. But it’s been long enough now. We both know this isn’t going anywhere, not really.’
‘Okaaay.’ Shay took in what she was saying. ‘I didn’t know you were thinking that.’
‘Come on, think it through. I’m pretty and you’re gorgeous, we look great together, we fancied each other from the start and we get on well . . . but we’re basically incompatible. I’m messy, I’m selfish, we don’t like the same movies or books, you think my actor friends are shallow, you don’t like it when I slurp a drink through a straw or sing when you’re watching TV.’ Caz took a breath; now that she’d got going, the reasons were tumbling out. ‘It annoys you when I spill things. It annoys me when you talk about stuff like what politicians are up to, because I don’t care about any of that kind of thing.’
‘Right.’ Shay nodded slowly.
‘You’re cleverer than me. I find that quite annoying too. Basically, we’ve had fun, but this is as far as it’s going to go. Long-term, we’re a terrible match and I’d drive you insane. So we need to call it a day. I won’t say anything bad about you,’ she concluded in a rush, ‘and I hope you won’t say anything bad about me. How does that sound?’
Shay said drily, ‘It sounds like you’ve made up your mind.’
But he was already looking more relaxed. Relieved. She’d just handed him his get-out-of-jail card. ‘See? You’re taking it so well. I’d like it if we could stay friends. I mean, I won’t be around much, what with work and stuff, but it’d be good to keep in touch. Same with Didi if I’m in the Cotswolds, I’d love it if we could meet up. And I’ll always want to stay at my favourite hotel.’ She smiled the kind of delighted smile you were obliged to summon up when the compère announced that the award was going to someone else.
‘Of course we can stay friends,’ said Shay.
‘Have you decided yet what you’re going to do? Will you live in Elliscombe? Or move back to London? Or there’s always Australia!’
‘Who knows?’
Well I know, I’d bet a million pounds on it.
Hiding her grief as efficiently as Shay was hiding his relief that the decision had been taken out of his hands, Caz said, ‘Anyway, there’s no hurry, is there? You’ve got plenty of time to make up your mind.’
The next morning, Shay loaded the turquoise suitcases into the back of the rented four-by-four and drove Caz back to the airport.
‘Here we are again.’ He handed her the printed-out tickets they’d booked online last night. ‘And here’s your passport. Try not to lose it.’
‘Thanks for looking after me. I’m going to be all kinds of jet-lagged by the time I land at LAX.’ She’d been shrieking with frustration an hour ago, searching for her mislaid passport, until Shay had found it outside in the garden beneath one of the sunloungers.
‘And try to get some sleep on the plane this time.’ He loaded her cases onto a trolley.
‘I must. Sandy’s taking me to a party tonight. She says it’s going to be full of A-listers.’
‘You see, that’s my idea of hell.’ Shay pushed the trolley through the sliding doors into the air-conditioned airport. ‘Want me to help you get your luggage checked in?’
‘It’s OK, even I can manage that.’ Caz stopped walking; it was time to let him go. Never again would she sleep with Shay, or properly kiss him, or feel his lean, finely muscled naked body next to hers.
She held out her arms and said, ‘Sorry. Are you going to be OK?’
He smiled. ‘I’ll be all right.’
‘Have you ever been dumped before in your life?’
‘Never.’
‘Hey, it’s character-forming. You’ll get over it.’ She held her breath and hugged him hard. Keeping her face buried in his shoulder, she said, ‘I know you’re heartbroken right now, but shall I tell you what I think would be good? If you and Didi gave things another go.’