I lean back in the booth, my arm resting along the back. “The club gave me purpose, direction. I was a hangaround for a while, but as soon as I was able to, I patched in. This has been my family ever since.” I emphasise the point, hoping it will soon start to sink in. She’s ours. That ain’t changing.
She glances down at the table and sighs. “I’m not someone you need to save, Daimon. I’ve told you this before.”
I don’t bother to tell her I’m not trying to save her. What would be the point of lying?
“I wish you’d open up to me.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Never is, darlin’, but you have shit going on, the club can help with that.”
She raises her eyes and for a moment I see the war raging in her gaze before she shuts it down.
“I open up, I can guarantee you’re not going to like what comes spilling out. You’ll see me differently, everyone will, and that can’t happen.”
“Brie—”
She snaps her head to me. “Stop it. Stop trying to fix me.” There’s anger in her voice, alongside desperation.
“I’m not—”
“Yes, you are.” She pushes abruptly to her feet, sloshing coffee over the table. “I’m broken beyond repair, and you can’t just click your fingers and expect all the pieces to go back together. This is real life. It doesn’t work that way.”
The pain in her voice is real and I’m barely holding onto my anger. What the fuck is going on with her?
My fingers close around her wrist, stopping her from slipping out of the booth. “What happened to you as a kid doesn’t define who you are. Your dad hurt you, but he doesn’t get to have any power over you still.”
Something flickers in her eyes and for a moment, I get the feeling neither of us are on the same page, but I have no idea what page she’s on.
“Leave it alone, Daimon.” She shakes her head, her eyes softening slightly. “I… I have to go.”
She pulls her arm away and before I can stop her she’s rushing out of the diner. Fuck.
12
Briella
My conversation with Daimon in the diner leaves me feeling wrung out. I don’t want him poking around my private business, trying to get to the bottom of my problems. I don’t want him trying to plaster over the cracks that are open wounds in my heart. I meant it when I told him I don’t need saving. I don’t need anything from the Sons.
I shouldn’t think that. The Sons have been good to me and Levi. They gave us a home, helped out while I was in school, took care of us both, but that all changed that night. Nothing was the same after it and it’ll never be the same again. Now, they are tainted, covered in the same filth as me. They went from being the guys that helped me to men who send a shiver of fear through me.
Daimon isn’t him, though. I have to remember that. Daimon has never been anything but good to me. He makes me feel things I don’t deserve. He makes me feel happy. I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy. Maybe the day Levi pulled me out of Dad’s house and saved me. I owe my brother everything, but he also brought me into his sphere, took me from one monster and introduced me to another.
The urge to drink myself into oblivion prickles through every cell in my body. It scratches at me, needing to be itched, but I can’t give into the desire. The need for my next fix is never far away, but it’s too early for the bars to be open yet and Layla will be home, so drinking at the flat is not an option—unless I want an inquisition.
I buy a small bottle of whiskey and find a bench in the nearest park. I don’t give a fuck how it looks, because the moment the alcohol touches my tongue, I feel my body soften and relax. I’ve never drank in the day like this and it scares me how far gone I am, how much I’ve come to rely on the numbing power of booze to get me through this nightmare. I’m spiralling. I need help. I know I do, but there’s no one who can understand the pain I live with daily, the fear I have every time I go to the clubhouse that he will be there, that smug look on his face as his eyes crawl over me, as if he owns me. He knows he stole something from me that night that I never gave, that he didn’t deserve. He stole a piece of me. The only saving grace I have is on the few occasions I’ve been to the clubhouse lately, he’s not been around and that allowed me to breathe easier. If I had my way, I’d never set foot on Sons territory again, but if I pull back too far my brother will work out something is going on, and he can never know how I was violated by someone I trusted. What would happen to Levi? No one leaves the Sons.
“Brie?”
At the sound of my name, my head snaps around and my stomach sinks the moment I see Sasha walking towards me, Lily-May skipping around the stroller as the little girl plays some imaginary game. I wish I had that innocence again, but now I know how dark the world can be. I’ve stared into the eyes of a monster and felt his coldness lick over my skin. I know the evil that exists.
Sasha is stunningly beautiful with short dark hair that reaches her chin. She’s every inch an old lady in her biker jacket and jeans. People say we look alike, but I don’t see the similarities, other than having the same hair colouring. Sasha is gorgeous. I’m… ordinary.
Discreetly, I put the bottle down at the side of me, trying to tuck it out of sight. The last thing I need is for her to tattle to Levi, but I know she sees it because her shrewd eyes narrow in on it before meeting my gaze.
She doesn’t say anything about it as she parks the stroller at the end of the bench and sits next to me. I don’t meet her eyes, humiliation at being caught rolling through me. Instead, I watch Lily, amazed by how much energy the little girl has. She was near death’s door before she had a desperately needed bone marrow transplant that was given to her by Fury—a man who scares me half to death. I’m not sure how I’d feel knowing I had pieces of him inside my body, but Lily seems to love him. Maybe he’s not as big and bad as he makes out.
“What are you doing here?” I blurt out, not able to stand the growing silence between us.
Sasha squints against the sun, which is starting to warm up as it rises higher on the horizon. Her eyes scan the grass and trees of the park as a couple of joggers move past the bench. Once they’re out of earshot, she speaks.
“I come here most days with Lil. She loves being outside and there isn’t enough room at the compound for her to do what she needs.”
There are a few parks within the Sons territory. It’s just my shitty luck Sasha uses this one, although I’m not sure why I’m surprised. We’re pretty close to their house.
“You want to tell me about the bottle?” she asks after a moment.
My stomach twists unpleasantly. It’s the last thing I want to talk about with her, with anyone. I want to keep my walls up, in place. It’s safer that way.
“Just a bad morning.”
I expect her to chastise me, but her lips lift at the corners. “Had a few of those myself over the years.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah, things with me and Ty weren’t always so good.”
Tyler is Ravage’s real name and Sasha is the only person in the entire club that would get away with calling him that. I don’t think I would have the guts to call him it to his face. He, like Fury, scares the shit out of me.