I’m tired of pretending for her and everyone else, and I just want a couple of days where I can relax.
Of course, thinking that is probably what finally triggers a problem. I definitely should have known better.
I walk into my Sociology class, ready for another hour of staring blankly at Professor Delane while he drones on about shit that doesn’t interest me in the slightest. I pull out my notebook, even though it’s pointless since I haven’t taken notes all week.
I’m just about to settle in when movement at my side catches my attention. I turn my head, expecting to see a late student sitting down beside me, but my eyes widen when I realize it’s Paul.
My contact from the Jackals hasn’t been here since I told him the information about the Black Roses moving money around, and by now, he has to know that I’m not on his side anymore.
Even if he’s not that high up in the gang, I was part of the group that went to free Alex. He’d definitely know that by now. So him being here can’t be good.
I shove my notebook back into my bag and sling it over my shoulder, getting up quickly and walking out of the classroom before Delane starts his lecture. Paul gets up and follows me, so I walk faster.
Levi is outside like always, and I make it to his side as quickly as I can.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, standing up straighter as he gets a look at my expression.
Before I can say anything, Paul strides up to us, his very presence answering the question for me.
Levi narrows his eyes, his shoulders squaring as he puts himself between the two of us. My heart is racing in my chest, and I glance around warily at the other students walking across campus. This is definitely not the kind of place where a showdown needs to happen.
“I should kill you where you fucking stand,” Paul sneers, looking past Levi to me. “You little bitch. Good people got hurt and worse because of you. What was the point of selling out their accountant if you were just gonna come try to play the hero later?”
I don’t have an answer for that, and honestly, I can sort of understand him being pissed. The Jackals acted on information I fed to Paul, and then I turned around and got some of them killed.
“Nothing to say now?” he taunts, glaring at me. “You were a fucking well of information a few days ago. You were willing to say whatever it took back then. Cat got your tongue now, bitch?”
Seeing I’m not going to respond to him, Paul turns his attention to Levi instead. “Don’t fall for it,” he says. “She’s just using you, and then when she gets what she wants, she’ll turn on you. She’s got no loyalty, obviously. She’ll betray you in a second.”
“Fuck off,” Levi snaps. “Or I’ll fucking make you.”
Paul just snorts. “Wow. She sells out your guy, and you’re standing here defending her? Her pussy must be fucking magic to make you so goddamn blind.”
I jerk back like I’ve been slapped, caught off guard by the harshness of that jab. Levi’s nostrils flare with rage, and he’s stalking forward toward Paul before I can stop him, reaching for the gun hidden at his waistband.
He doesn’t have to pull it out and aim it at Paul to make his point, and his face is twisted in a mask that’s dangerous and angry.
“Say that shit again,” he snarls. “I fucking dare you.”
Paul reaches behind him, probably going for his own gun, and it’s seconds away from becoming a shootout right outside the fucking humanities building.
I can’t let that happen. That would be a goddamn nightmare, especially if someone came out and saw it. All of this is because of me, so I dart forward and grab Levi’s arm, holding on tight.
“Let’s just go,” I say urgently. “It’s not worth it.”
There’s a split second where I’m absolutely certain Levi is going to shake me off and shoot Paul in the face, but then he lets out a ragged sigh and takes his hand away from the gun. When I pull at his arm, he follows, and we walk away. Paul doesn’t follow, thank fuck.
He’s pissed off, but at least he’s not stupid.
We walk on, putting some distance between us and him. When we’re a good way away, Levi stops letting me lead him and tugs me off the path. He heads for a quiet, grassy spot between two buildings, out of the way of everything else.
For a second he just stands there, like he’s trying to calm down and center himself, but when he finally looks up at me, it’s not anger I see in his face. All the rage from just several seconds ago is gone, replaced by something much softer.
It’s hurt and hope, and it’s so vulnerable that it catches me off guard.
Clearly, what Paul said got to him in more ways than one, and I deserve that, I guess. After everything.
“I want to know the truth, Mercy,” he murmurs. “Are you just playing us? Has this all been just an act?”
He looks right into my eyes, and I can’t look away. He’s practically begging me for honesty, and even if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t lie to him. Not now.
“It wasn’t,” I admit. “I really wished it could be, but it wasn’t.” I sigh and drag a hand through my hair, trying to order my thoughts in a way that will make sense. Everything’s just been a confusing jumble, practically since I got tangled up with these guys, and I’m still trying to sort everything out myself.
“I fucked up by trying to go against you guys,” I continue. “I know that. But even when I thought Sloan had killed my dad, and I knew the only way to get revenge for that was to take you guys down, I was fucked up about it. It should have been easy, if I hated you the way I thought I did, but it wasn’t. I hated the idea of betraying you. Every step I took was hard because I kept second guessing myself.”
Those days weren’t even that long ago, but it feels like it may as well have been months with all that’s happened. All the times I second guessed myself and worried over the consequences of my actions. I wish I’d listened to that voice in my head back then, but it’s too late for that now. I can’t go back and change what I did, but I can at least try to reassure Levi.
“One of you would do something to make me laugh or remind me that I was developing feelings for you, and it would send me spiraling,” I whisper. “I didn’t sleep much, tossing and turning and driving myself fucking nuts over all of it. Because I did care. I do care.”
My voice cracks a little on the last words, and I feel a flush rise up in my cheeks. I meant to tell Levi the truth, but I didn’t exactly plan on letting out that much raw honesty—not just in my words, but in the emotions I know he can read on my face.
Levi’s expression softens, his eyes bouncing between mine. He sighs softly and then closes the small distance between us, threading his fingers through my hair as he leans down to kiss me.
I lean up into it, my embarrassment fading away as the press of his lips takes up all my focus, distracting me from anything else.
A quiet noise of desire falls from my mouth. In response, Levi deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue past my parted lips, kissing me harder and more urgently. It’s like he’s been holding back from doing this for the last week or so, needing confirmation that I wasn’t going to hurt him again before he let himself do it.
I wrap my arms around his neck and try to put reassurances into each kiss, letting him know that it’s okay and I want him too. Genuinely. No plans or schemes or any of that bullshit. I just want him.