We sit next to each other in the dark-stained Adirondack chairs that are set around the fire ring. She’s still wrapped in her big, fleece, red-plaid throw blanket, and she stares at the fire, seemingly content.
I’ve been sitting out here for a while, thinking, going over in my head what I want to say to her. What to say to make the past few months go away, to make it better. But maybe I already have. We’re back to ourselves. Or getting closer every minute, at least.
“You know, I don’t remember the moment we met,” I tell her.
“Me either. I was thinking about that earlier too. So many people have these great when-we-met stories, and you’ve just… been there… my entire life. I’m not complaining, but I know what you mean.”
“I guess. I do remember the day I saw you differently though.”
“You do?” she asks.
“I do,” I say, looking straight into her bright blue eyes. The flames from the fire are making her blue eyes shine even more, shine brighter. I go on to tell her about the pep rally, my feelings, what I remember about the following few weeks. How I fell head over heels in love with her when I was still a teenager — barely able to comprehend what love was at that age, but still old enough to understand that what I felt wouldn’t change over time.
By the time I finish with the story, she has silent tears slowly trickling down her cheeks, and her breathing is coming in a little heavier. But what I notice most is that she’s radiating with love. For me.
“Tess. That moment that I saw you walk through those gym doors at the homecoming pep rally, my world was turned on its axis. No longer did I think of tomorrow, but I thought about forever. Of how you would be part of my forever. I no longer cared if I crossed everything off my teenage bucket list. I didn’t care if I went on to play college ball, if I traveled all over the world, or if I gave people a reason to remember my name. You were all that mattered — and still are. I knew, without a doubt knew, that if I could get you to smile my way, shine your eyes in my direction, give me your love, that I would do anything and everything in my power to treasure it, to keep it. I wanted to show you every single day what you mean to me. I failed you.”
“Barrett, no. You didn’t fail me.”
“I did. I know that you understood in your head that I still loved you. But you weren’t seeing it. You weren’t feeling it. At least not in the capacity you deserve. I should have never let you feel like I wasn’t continuing to fall in love with you. I might be a selfish son of a bitch for saying this, but I want to be the one that puts the spark in your eyes every day. I want to be the reason your heart beats faster, the cause of your bright smile. I sat on those bleachers that day and willed you to look my way, and you did. You looked my way. And that’s all it took. I felt it when you let me drive you home from school that day, and agreed to wear my jersey. But I forgot that feeling. I forgot that you made me feel like the king of the school that day. I wanted to get on the speaker at the football field and tell everyone that you were mine, even though you weren’t yet. I felt like I had won the best thing in the world, just by you agreeing to wear my jersey.
“And I did. I discovered the best treasure that day. I discovered you. But I got wrapped up in my own self, Tess. I neglected to remember you changed my world for the better. In all the mundane normalcy of our lives, I let it ruin us. I let the day-to-day stuff lead and used it for an excuse. I won’t do it again. I promise you.”
“Barrett. I love you so much. I failed, too…” she starts saying, but before she can continue, I reach over and pull her into my lap. I can’t stand another moment of not having her in my arms. I lean down and kiss her, showing her that I don’t feel like she failed me. And maybe she doesn’t feel like I failed her either, but she needs to hear my words. Deserves to hear them. I know we’d just gotten a little lost, but we are finding our way back to one another. I hold her close and begin shifting her so she is straddling me. I didn’t plan on the kiss going this way. Hell, I didn’t plan the kiss at all. I planned on us sitting around the fire, talking, hashing everything out.
But those plans changed the moment I had her in my lap.
Now the plan is for kisses. Lots and lots of kisses. Kisses of all kinds.
Butterfly kisses.
Cheek kisses.
Neck kisses.
Eyelid kisses.
Throat kisses.
Open mouth kisses.
Passionate kisses.
I feel a raindrop hit the top of my forehead. And soon another. And another. It didn’t stop us from kissing each other though. Nothing can make me tear my mouth from hers. I stand up, awkward as hell, from the Adirondack chair, with her still wrapped around me. We laugh around each other’s mouths at the klutziness of trying to stand still linked together, but we don’t part.
“Hold tight — don’t let go.”
She holds my face in her hands and looks into my eyes, through the rain that is coming down even heavier now, a steady shower of cool raindrops. Her legs are still wrapped around my waist with her ankles hooked tightly. “Never,” she says with such confidence and happiness in her voice that it makes me shudder.
We walk through the rain, back up the stone path and into the cabin. I fumble for the knob and twist. The door opens, and I kick it back closed; the fact that this is the second time we have walked into the cabin lost in each other’s kiss isn’t lost on me. And I won’t change it for the world.
We only make it to the couch before we stumble and fall, still linked together by our mouths, our hands, our legs.
I tug and pull until her clothes are a wet mess on the floor.
She stands over me on the couch, blue eyes shining, lips red and swollen from my kisses. Completely naked. Completely unashamed. She snaps her fingers once. I sit up instantly, smiling up at her.
She tugs and pulls until my clothes are in a wet pile on the floor beside hers.
I flip her over onto her stomach and continue my kisses.
Shoulder kisses.
Back-of-her-neck kisses.
Between-her-shoulder-blade kisses.
Small-of-her-back kisses.
I kiss her everywhere.
She kisses me everywhere.
We kiss and kiss and kiss. We touch. We caress. We remember. We make love on the couch. We make love in the claw foot tub. We make love in the bed and, when we are sated and have had our fill of each other, we lie wrapped in each other’s arms, bodies exhausted, hearts happy, souls complete. We listen to the rain and thunder until we fall asleep holding one another. We are finally once again… us.
Chapter Nineteen
Tess
“I remember seeing you in the bleachers that day. For some reason, my eyes were drawn to you. I couldn’t stop glancing in your direction. Lauren whispered to me something about how hot you and Josh looked then told me you were staring at me. We giggled and were so excited and nervous. But, I didn’t know what to do. I’d never been nervous around you before so it was confusing. I kept asking Lauren if you were still looking. Man, Barrett, I desperately hoped that you were staring at me. And that it was for the same reason that I wanted to stare at you. When Coach called you guys up front, I saw your eyes flick over in my direction,” I tell him after we had both woken up from a rain-induced nap, and he gives me a huge grin, not ashamed at all that I saw him looking my way. Of course, this isn’t the first time either of us have revisited this story, but it always makes me smile remembering those first few days, weeks, months of loving each other. Finding each other, discovering each other in an entirely different way than we had before.