“Don’t even think about it.” Auds pointed her finger at me. “She was a bitch. She has always been a bitch; you didn’t see it.”
“Well, she must have had a magic pussy for Gavin to keep her around,” Delia mumbled, and my stomach dropped.
Hearing about their first time was one of the worst days. It was then that I knew that Gavin meant so much more than I let on. I was grateful Gigi never mentioned their sex life again.
“Now he’s a cold-hearted bastard, but he’s so hot,” Kenny said.
“What do you mean?” I found myself asking.
Kenny poured us wine. “He’s like a commitment-phobe. Nothing outside of sex. And he knows what he’s doing, but he’s never given a girl an inch. He’s a dick.”
“He was sweet,” I mumbled mostly to myself as I put my wine aside.
“Yeah, no, he’s an asshole,” Delia finished.
“Maybe ‘cause I was Gigi’s best friend, but he was always sweet to me,” I said because the guy they described was not the one I remembered. Hell, the one who I kept running into was not him either.
“He was not nice,” Audrey said in a loud snort. “He treated you like his little sister—sometimes better than he did Gigi.”
I bit my lip to stop myself from gasping. Nick’s words came back to taunt me, and I couldn’t deal with it, yet I wanted to dive into this mess and find all the secrets.
“Are you going to the party tomorrow?” Delia asked.
I was about to say no because I didn’t want to, and I obviously wasn’t wanted there, but I couldn’t walk away.
“Are you guys going?”
Kenny smiled and nodded. “Victory party.”
It looked like I had to find clothes for the party. Gavin didn’t want me there, and that made me want to be there. He didn’t get to take this experience away from me.
“Fucking you? It wasn’t that special.”
Nope, not special at all.
So why was I avoiding him if I clearly was nothing to him?
Once my last class ended on Friday, I felt an unease settle over me. It had nothing to do with all the homework I had, and everything to do with tonight’s party. Everyone was sporting school colors, the black and gold proudly displayed, and the students’ excitement for the first game buzzed through the air.
“Hey, stranger.” Isaac caught up to me.
“Hey,” I said.
“You ready for the game?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I’m not going.”
“But isn’t your brother one of the coaches?”
I gave him a look, surprised that he would know that about me.
Isaac blushed. “The guys talk.”
“About me?”
“Something like that,” he offered.
I was trying to think what that meant when I bumped into someone.
“What the fuck is wrong with you. Don’t you watch where you are going?” the whiney voice said, and I froze.
It sounded familiar because it was a voice I’d grown up hearing. It was more familiar than my own.
I froze.
I stopped breathing.
I hated myself a little at that moment.
Gigi was there, and she still looked as delicate and graceful as ever. Her hair was a bit shorter, and the baby fat from her face was gone. She looked like a model, so put together, while I was a mess. Knowing she went to this school was one thing, but seeing her was another.
Three years, and I thought I’d let time pass me by when, in reality, it was just waiting for me to catch up. Time was patient and elusive; we were mortal and fragile. You could evade your problems, but sooner or later, they would catch up to you, and when they did, they wouldn’t have mercy.
She looked up, and her eyes collided with mine. Her eyes flashed with pain, and I knew I was the cause of it. It didn’t matter how Gigi had treated me—at the end, what I did was much worse.
“Why did you have to come here?” she spat at me before she turned away and left.
I was beginning to ask myself the same question. Out of all the places I could have gone, why did I agree with my brother? The truth was, I was too much of a coward to be alone, and I had hoped that after all these years, my sins could have been water under the bridge. Well, the bridge was at its limit and had started to overflow.
“Well, guess you fit in as much as I do,” Isaac said.
He had no idea. I didn’t answer; instead, I walked away.
Holy crap.
Fuck.
I slept with Gavin.
I couldn’t deal with the emotions that rushed over me this morning, and I had to get away. I was glad I’d insisted on driving. Ever since my parents died, I never wanted to be stranded at a party. I didn’t want anyone to die because of me. If an accident happened, it was better if I was alone.
Walking through the back of the house, my dress under Gavin’s shirt made me feel cheap. I was lucky I didn’t run into anyone on the way to my house. Once I was in my driveway, I let out a relieved breath my brother wasn’t home. The first thing I did was take a hot shower as if that would wash away the hickeys on my skin and the markings on my body.
As if that wasn’t enough, the soreness between my legs was a brutal reminder of who I had slept with. Even if Gigi didn’t matter to him, she mattered to me. A sick part of me laughed because last night, I hadn’t thought of her at all.
That was the thing about lust; it was selfish. But love? Love was selfless. What Gavin and I had was lust that didn’t care who it hurt.
The knock on my door startled me, and my heart thumped wildly, thinking it was Gavin coming to look for me. Those damn butterflies that only came to rise in his wake fluttered.
I took a deep breath and opened the door only to be caught off guard at Gigi standing there still in yesterday’s clothes. Her mascara ran down her cheeks, and her eyes were swollen from crying.
“You’re not going to invite me in?” She gave me a sad smile.
I couldn’t remember when the last time she’d come over.
“Yeah, sorry, wasn’t expecting you,” I told her.
“I didn’t expect to end up here,” she added.
My mouth was shut because I knew anything that came out of my mouth right now would be vile and wrong.
“Remember how much I cried when my dad cheated on my mom?” she said, and my stomach dropped.
I looked up and I could see it all over her face. She knew.
“Out of all the guys in school, why did you have to have him?” She let out a sob.
I started to cry. “I’m sorry.”
There wasn’t anything I could say at this moment that would make it better.
“We got into an argument yesterday, and you slept with him! You whore.”
By the time I snapped out of it, I was at my place. I didn’t feel like going anywhere anymore. I wanted to stay home and wallow.
Wallowing didn’t happen when you promised Delia you were going to do something. The girls got home to shower and change. When Delia found me in the room, still in my school clothes and looking at the ceiling, she made me get up. And by made, I mean she threw water at my face.
Now here I was in a little black dress with my waves full volume and my eyeliner so sharp it could stab. As we parked across the street from Kappa Nu, my hands got clammy.