Seeing Gavin gave me a thrill. Sure it was mixed with regret, fear, and pain, but it was more than I had felt in a while. It was somewhat addicting.
We didn’t go through the front door like last time; instead, this time, I followed the girls through the dark path that led to the backyard. Music was thumping loudly. When Kenny opened the back door, the party was in full swing. Twinkling lights were all around the yard, creating a soothing ambiance: dark, yet light enough to see through. There was a pong table and kegs. My eyes scanned everywhere, and I realized I was looking for him.
“The guys aren’t here yet,” Delia shouted.
“You’re looking for Ollie?” Kenny hit her shoulder playfully.
Delia blushed, which only intrigued me because they were so different from each other. That was the thing about attraction: it had no rules, no guidelines. It just led you. The girls went and got drinks before handing one to me.
I wasn’t the same girl I was the night my parents died. I needed something stronger to get me through this encounter.
Liquid courage. That was what alcohol provided, and the words had never rung truer. It allowed you to do what you always wanted and gave you a cheap excuse for blame.
Cheers started to ring out amongst the partygoers, and I snapped my head up to see the guys walking in. My eyes ignored everyone who was there and locked on Gavin. He was the third to walk in, with a lazy swagger he had mastered in high school that only seemed to be more appealing with age. His hair seemed messy, his jaw was scruffy, and he looked content. Not bursting with happiness like his teammates—he just was.
That feeling was one I was all too familiar with.
I shouldn’t have come.
When he walked inside the house, I let out a relieved breath while my shoulders slumped. Sometimes I began to think I was going insane. The party went on, and people kept going between the house and the backyard. Audrey stayed by my side, drinking and talking to me and whoever walked up to her.
“Come on, let’s go in. The guys agreed to play a game!” Delia shouted.
She led Audrey inside the house while Audrey held on to my hand so that I would follow. We went down to the basement, where it was a lot darker.
“Don’t be a pussy, and spin,” I heard someone shout.
When we got to the bottom, Audrey and Kenny stopped, and I went to stand beside them. Everyone erupted in catcalls. I looked to the front of the room to see what was so interesting when I noticed people were looking at me. My eyes found Gavin’s in a second, and he looked pissed.
Fifteen
“Spin again.” Gavin’s voice was harsh, causing me to break out in shivers.
That’s when my eyes went to the table and noticed they were playing spin the bottle. The irony wasn’t lost on me. People looked between Gav and me, and that made me feel uncomfortable.
“Fuck you, Gavin,” the guy whose bottle pointed at me said.
He wasn’t ugly, but he wasn’t Gavin. His hair was dark and messy, and he had light blue eyes. When he caught me staring at him, he gave me a crooked smile and a wink.
“We gonna do this or what, baby?” He gave me a flirty grin.
“Drew,” Gavin hissed.
That’s when Ollie started chanting, “Kiss, kiss, kiss.”
Soon everyone followed. The look Gavin gave his friend could kill, but he only laughed.
“I’ll be a gentleman and come to you, but, baby, I can’t promise I’ll be gentle,” Drew teased.
I laughed it off with all intentions of backing out until I caught sight of Gavin. He was glaring at me. He sat on the couch, his legs and arms spread out like he didn’t have a care in the world. His eyes told a different story. He didn’t want me to do this, and that made me want to do it more. It made my stomach drop, and it gave me a sick high.
“Ready?” Drew said, but I wasn’t looking at him.
I could see it in his eyes: Gavin thought I was going to back out.
“Do your worst,” I whispered.
On the first second, his lips crashed against mine.
On the second, I kissed him back.
On the third second, I opened my eyes, and Gavin wasn’t sitting down anymore.
Drew tried to coax my mouth into opening up for him, but I didn’t feel anything. There were no butterflies, no tremors, just a kiss devoid of emotions.
I was about to push him away when someone did it for me. It took a second to realize Drew didn’t get pushed away, but I was being led away. Gavin’s hand was around my waist, and he was dragging me toward the stairs.
Now I could feel everything—his fingers digging into my hips, the current that flowed between our bodies, his smell, the way my heart seemed to want to beat out of my chest whenever he was near.
“Gavin,” I said as he started to lead me up the stairs.
He didn’t answer, but his hold on me got tighter. We didn’t stop when we made it to the kitchen; instead, he took me up another flight. He kept moving down the dark hallway until we stopped in front of a door. He opened it and pushed me inside.
My heart was pounding, every beat laced with fear and excitement. It’d been years since I felt so alive. I wanted to scream and cry but refrained from either.
Gavin closed the door behind me and pressed me against it. My eyes went to his lips. No guy should have a perfect Cupid’s bow like him. Instead of looking feminine, it made you want to taste his lips. Once upon a time, I had.
He put his hands on either side of my head. He wanted to intimidate me; the thing was, I never felt more myself than when I was in his presence.
“How many men have you let have your lips?” he demanded.
There was fire in his eyes, but ice in his veins. He was angry, yet he wanted me to think he didn’t care.
“That’s none of your business,” I said, aware that it would anger him.
Gavin smirked at me. “Yeah?”
I raised on my toes, meeting him head-on. “You’ve never had a claim on me.”
His gray eyes hardened.
“That’s where you’re wrong.” His head got closer to my face.
We were so close to our lips touching. I wanted it to happen—no, I needed it to happen.
“I have a claim on you.”
“Yeah?” I taunted.
His chest was rising and falling, as was my own, but neither of us wanted to back down.
“I have your first kiss.” His forehead rested on mine. “Your whimpers and moans.” His lips grazed my nose. “Your virginity.” He groaned.
My eyes were lost in his, lost in a trance.
“Your first orgasm.”
“That doesn’t—”
He growled, pressing his body against mine. “Bullshit, Scar. I know when you feel, and baby, you didn’t feel shit.” His lips were hovering over mine, and when he spoke, he did it against my own. “Let’s see if I can still make you feel.”
This kiss—this kiss reminded me why I was ruined. It wasn’t perfect, nor sweet, but it was real. He tasted like lies, and I tasted like regret. My mouth opened for him as if he belonged to me, and he didn’t give me more. Three seconds too soon, and Gavin pulled back with a satisfied smirk on his face.
“Looks like I’m still in there.”
My breath was coming in pants. Those flutters I only felt when he was near were roaring, demanding to be fed the emotions he evoked in me. A game of spin the bottle changed me, and by the looks of things, it looked like it had done it again. Unfortunately, with feeling came all the emotions. You didn’t get to pick and choose. Life didn’t work that way.