I did. I remembered Billy reading Colin Dan books and telling me Sandgrove was like White Deer Park. We’d even gone out hunting for the fictional woodland community, but we’d got lost, and our dad had found us not far from where I sat now.
I still felt lost as I absorbed what Mia was telling me. It shouldn’t have shocked me that she’d moved on, but married? Shit. I imagined her in a big white dress, long hair flowing, eyes sparkling...all for someone else when it could’ve been for me. Should’ve been for me, if life hadn’t got in the way. My only selfish comfort was he clearly hadn’t made her happy. She hadn’t loved him, so perhaps her heart was as stuck in the past as mine.
Mia nudged me. “What’s the matter?”
“Hmm?”
“You went somewhere.”
“Did I?”
“Yes. Is it so bad being here with me?”
“Wouldn’t be here if it was.”
My phone chimed in my pocket. I retrieved it and squinted at the screen.
Billy: lke u bro but not got the toolbox yet
I sighed. Two days of trying to get hold my brother and this was the nonsense I got back. I tossed the phone on the wooden table.
Mia peered at the screen. “Billy?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Where’s he living these days?”
“Somewhere up north.”
“Somewhere?”
“Yeah, apparently we’re both good at fucking off.”
Mia raised a delicate eyebrow. “This isn’t the same. He knew where you’d gone, vaguely, at least.”
Billy had never told me about any conversations he’d shared with Mia after I’d left. Curiosity burned my soul, but Mia spoke again before I could formulate a coherent question.
“Is he okay? Gus said he went a little wild.”
I snorted. “Gus is being kind.”
“So be unkind and tell me the truth.”
Because life’s just that fucking easy? I dropped my elbows onto the table and leaned on my folded arms. “There isn’t much to tell. He got in with a bad crowd a few years ago and started banging coke and drinking a lot. He’s always been a handful, but Fran couldn’t deal with him on her own. She had to kick him out, so he disappeared.”
“But you still speak to him?”
“I try. It’s hard when we’re both stubborn enough to only make contact when shit’s gone wrong.”
Mia eyed my phone again. “You should probably text him back then.”
“No point now. He’s obviously wankered. I’ll do it tomorrow.”
She looked as though she wanted to argue, but it turned out to be one of the rare moments she held her tongue. Or maybe she’d changed. Maybe marriage had changed her.
I reached across the picnic table and took her hand, bracing myself for her to snatch it back.
She didn’t.
It was my turn to whisper. “Who did you marry?”
Mia sighed. “Some arsehole who promised me the world.”
“What happened?”
“He didn’t have it.”
“Are you still married?”
Mia twined her fingers with mine and stared at our joined hands as though hers belonged to someone else. “Why does that matter to you?”
“I’m curious.”
“Are you?”
“Yes.”
“Why? You haven’t been curious about me in ten years.”
“That’s not true.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Of course it is. You’ve never asked Gus about me the whole time you’ve been back.”
“Asking Gus questions isn’t a barometer of how I feel.”
Mia reclaimed her hand and folded her arms. A breeze made her shiver, and I felt every shudder as it passed through her slender torso. “I wrote you a letter once. The Navy returned it.”
I said nothing, too chicken to admit that it had been me who’d sent the postcard-sized envelope straight back to Rushmere the moment it had reached me on the other side of the world. That I hadn’t even opened it, let alone read whatever had been inside. “What did it say?”
“What do you care?”
“Harsh.”
“Yeah. It was.”
We were no longer talking about letters. I shifted in my seat and fought the urge to stare at the table. Guilt burned a path from my soul to my heart, but I held her gaze. “Just say it, Mia. Call me a selfish bastard and get it over with.”
“I’ve never called you selfish.”
“Liar.”
Her answering smile was unexpected. “Well, okay...maybe a few times, but not for the reasons you think.”
“You don’t know what I think.”
“Don’t I?”
“No, and that’s your problem. Assumption is dangerous.”
“Nah, emotion is dangerous, Luke. You taught me that.”
Boom. I sucked in a breath. “You don’t understand.”
“You never gave me a chance.”
“A chance to what? Scream at me all the way to the recruitment office?”
She shook her head. “You lied to me.”
“I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did, even if it was just by omission. It takes months to join the navy—I checked back then—which means you spent all that time after your dad died hiding it.”
“You were busy retaking the exams you’d failed because you’d bunked off school to be with me. I didn’t want to distract you.”
“Right.” Mia flicked something off the table. She looked bored, which offended me more than it should’ve.
Weirdo. Do you want her to punch you in the dick?
I kind of did.
“Mia.”
She glanced up. “What?”
Was she taking the piss? “What do you think?”
“I think,” she said slowly, “that we should stay away from each other.”
Chapter Thirteen
Mia
I was caught in a strange place between feeding my awakened craving for Luke and freaking the fuck out that some loon had broken into my shop for no apparent reason. By day, I fantasised about swinging by his bachelor pad with dinner and a promise, and by night I lay awake fretting over the newly installed alarm system I’d had to borrow money from Gus to pay for.