I was dying to know how Gus was saying that with such confidence, Luke wasn’t much of a talker, even to his mates, but I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does.”
“Nope.” I kicked another pinecone. “It’s in the past.”
Gus rolled his eyes. “Seriously? You think it’s that easy? That you two can jump into bed together like it’s all brand new?”
Of course I didn’t. The letter Luke had left on the doorstep haunted my sleep, and the ghosts I saw in him when I was awake tormented me by day, but I’d carried my anger for so long I’d lost the desire to return the savage hurt he’d left me with. It felt stale, and out of date, and I wanted so badly to let it go.
I sighed. “I don’t think anything is easy. Do you think Luke’s pissed off with you about Billy?”
Gus shrugged. “I don’t think so. I think you had it right at the time—I blindsided him, and he needed to think. I’ve seen that in him before.”
So had I. My earnest boy had grown into a brooding man, and my heart ached for him. “Do you think about him?”
“Who? Billy?”
I nodded. “Yeah. You don’t talk about your love life, so I never know how attached you get to the guys you hook up with.”
“I don’t get attached to anyone,” Gus said. “You know this, and I didn’t get attached to Billy. It was a physical thing, and after that night, we went back to nodding at each other in the street. Well, I did. He never really spoke to me again, but then, he never spoke to me that much before. The only thing we had in common was siblings with their own drama.”
My scowl seemed to bounce off Gus, but I took comfort in his easy laughter. Sometimes I worried that he hid behind his easy nature, but then I remembered that he wanted it this way. No attachment, no commitment, and no risk of ending up bitter and hurt. Of wasting years of his life chasing a dream he’d never even wanted.
We reached the fork in the path. One way continued the bike track up the hill, the other would take me the lakeside route home. I waited for Gus’s lecture about going straight back to the house and sticking to the populated public paths, and cued up my spiky response, but it died in my throat as the lake came into view. A lone figure was sitting by the water in my favourite spot. In our favourite spot.
Luke.
Gus saw him too and rolled to a stop. “That’s where he got to. He left me to clean up tonight. He never does that.”
“Maybe he’s more upset about you snogging his brother than you thought.”
“Trust me, he’s not. I think he’s just tired, but in any case, you should probably go talk to him. You’ve been home every night since the gala, so I’m assuming you’ve gone back to ignoring each other, which is totally out of order when I haven’t seen both of you as relaxed as you were the morning after since, well, forever, actually.”
I stared at him. “Relaxed? You walked in on us—”
Gus slapped his hand over my mouth. “Don’t make my ears bleed. Just go be with Luke so I can ride my bike knowing you’re safe, okay?”
Still glaring, I squirmed out of Gus’s grip. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“I know. That’s not what I meant.” Gus pushed me. “Just go. I think it’s good that you have each other again, even if you are going about it in a totally fucked-up way.”
“It’s not fucked up.”
Gus snorted. “Okay. I’m sure you’ve had tons of deep and meaningful conversations and expelled all your demons. Whatever. Just go keep the man company. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. Oh, and by the way, it was him who fixed your window, in case you were wondering.”
He wheeled off before I could argue, leaving me to the lake and the silhouette of my pensive heart. And to the realisation that it had never occurred to me that Luke had replaced my rotten shop window. That he’d done so weeks before I’d got over myself enough to give him the time of day.
The man was going to be the death of me. I took the left fork in the path and traipsed to the waterside. If Luke heard me coming, he ignored me, and he didn’t look my way when I dropped down beside him.
I nudged him. “All right?”
He hummed and stretched his long legs out in front of him. “I was, but if you’re here to get lairy with me about something, I’m not in the mood.”
“Well, I was thinking of scratching your eyes out for breaking into my shop and replacing my window, but I’m over that now.”
That earned me eye contact, even if it was a dead stare.
I stretched my own legs out, mirroring his pose and absorbing the conflicting rush of emotions that always swept over me whenever we were close these days. The years-old resentment had faded, but he still brought me to life in ways that battled with the belying mellowness—the peace—his presence brought me, even when I knew he was upset. “Why did you fix my window?”
“I thought you were over it.” There was humour in his dry tone, faint but undeniable.
I chanced a soft laugh. “I am, I just don’t get why you did it—at least, I don’t get why you did it then. We weren’t speaking.”
“You weren’t speaking.” Luke lay down on the dusty ground and closed his eyes. “I just wanted you safe.”
Why? But I didn’t say it, because I knew the answer, though it wasn’t tangible enough for me to wholly believe it. He loves me. I wondered if he knew it yet either. I leaned over him and studied his face, as though the faint lines of stress and worry could open the door to his heart, but nothing solidified, and when he opened his eyes and caught me looking, I uttered the same words I had to him three nights ago in the town hall bathroom.
“Come home with me?”
Chapter Twenty-One
Mia
I traced idle patterns on Luke’s bare chest. Somehow over the last week, we’d fallen into a routine of hooking up after work, then falling asleep until one of us woke up to sleep-stalk the other. Usually me, as sex seemed to put him into a coma.
Not that I was complaining. Luke was so often troubled when he was awake that I enjoyed this quiet time with him. Took comfort in his peaceful expression and boyish good looks. Though he’d aged like a dream, he seemed younger with his eyes closed.
I sat up slightly to get a better view of him, all the while wondering how I’d gone from barely being able to face him, to falling in love with him all over again in the space of a few short months. Because I was in love with him. So in love. I just didn’t know why, or how, when I’d spent so long hating him.