And what a mistake that had been. At the time I’d been of the ludicrous opinion that whatever sexual relationship we’d rebuilt was something I’d be able to walk away from, but seeing Mia in the gym again, her curved thighs and slender arms pushing weights like a pro, had just about finished me off.
I’d fucked her every day since.
Mia sucked in a shaky breath, bringing me back to the present. “I haven’t seen it. Who was driving? A man? A woman?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s been dark whenever I’ve been close enough to see through the windscreen. Do you think it’s your ex? And don’t even think about deflecting me on this. I know there’s more than you’ve told me.”
She flushed, and I knew I’d hit a mark. Mia was a bad liar. We both were. “I don’t know for sure if it’s him,” she said. “But there’s someone doing...stuff.”
“Stuff? Like what?”
“The break-in at the shop, weird things in the post. Gus’s back fence got broken too, but that might’ve been the wind.”
“What wind? We haven’t had any gales.”
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Jump on me. I’m freaked out enough, okay?”
I closed the distance between us but didn’t touch her. Couldn’t while my brain was whirling a thousand miles an hour. “What did the police say?”
“What?”
“The police. Don’t tell me you haven’t reported this shit?”
The look on her face said it all, and frustration sluiced through me. “Are you fucking serious? Some wacko is stalking you and you haven’t gone to the police?”
“What would I tell them?” she snapped, sharp, like a whip. “That I got an empty envelope sent to me? They already know about the break-in.”
“So tell them the rest,” I countered. “I don’t get why you’re so fucking complacent about this?”
“Complacent?” Mia’s voice rose again. “Are you for real? And what the hell do you care, anyway? It’s none of your damn business.”
Another dead laugh escaped me. “That’s what you’re going with?”
“That’s what I’ve always been going with. You don’t get to do this—you don’t get to act like you love me one minute, shut me out the next, then act surprised when I don’t believe you give a shit. It’s not like you’ve been around the last decade to worry about who’s lurking outside my house, is it?”
“This has got nothing to do with that.”
“It has everything to do with that! Don’t you get it? Laurent could set me on fire and he’d never hurt me as much as you did. You left me without a word. I came to your house and you were gone. Do you have any idea how that felt? I loved you, you fucking bastard, and you left me, so you don’t get to play hero now.”
She pushed past me and stormed to the stairs, thumping up them until I heard her wrench my bedroom door open. I turned to follow her, but she was back in a flash, dressed, bag in her hand, her face a riot of hurt and fury.
“Mia—”
“Don’t,” she spat. “I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking or feeling, but that’s the problem, isn’t it? I never have. And now you think you dictate my life to me when you can’t even admit to my face that you loved me back then as much as I loved you. Do you think a belated scrap of paper dropped on my doorstep makes up for that? Do you think there’s anything either of us can do to end this bullshit between us?”
If I had an answer, she wasn’t waiting for it. She blew past me to the back door and slammed through it before I’d taken a breath.
Her car roared a few seconds later, and she was gone.
* * *
Luke: tell me your sister got home safe last night?
Gus: she did. why u asking me that?
Luke: just checking
Quadruple checking more like. I knew Mia had made it home because I’d chased her there in the van and watched her go inside. Then I’d loitered outside like a weirdo for an hour to make sure no one else was doing the same, so it came as a surprise to absolutely no one that another day had dawned with me tired and pissed off.
At work, Gus gave me a wide berth until lunchtime rolled around. Apparently hunger made him reckless. “What did you do?”
I passed him a sandwich from the bakery without sparing him a glance or an answer. I figured the doorstep butty would buy me some time.
It didn’t.
Gus elbowed me. “Come on, man. She was still kicking the shit out of my house when she got up this morning, so I know it’s bad.”
“What makes you think it’s my fault?”
“I don’t. I’m asking what you did to make her think it was.”
It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so fucking ridiculous. And dangerous. I popped the tab on my Red Bull and scanned the high street, eyes drawn automatically to Wild Amour, and then to the parked cars lining the road, scanning each one. The black car from last night wasn’t there, but that didn’t make me feel any better. “It was actually both of us. I jumped on her about something and she gave me some home truths I deserved.”
“You cleared the air then?”
“Nope. Just chucked more mud around.”
“You two are ridiculous.”
The echo of my own thoughts forced a grim smile from me. We were ridiculous, and there was something comforting about it. Familiar. I’d dreamed of Mia yelling at me for years, and somehow it was easier to take than the obvious concern that had come before it. I loved her, but I didn’t want her to love me back. Couldn’t bear it, because I wouldn’t survive losing her again.
“I saw your mum this morning.” Gus broke the heavy silence between us. “I didn’t realise she was back.”
“A few days ago,” I said. “Billy’s still in hospital, and he’s having more surgery soon, but he doesn’t want us there, so she came home.”
“Is she okay?”
I shrugged. “She’s worried about the surgery. He had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic the first time.”
“But they know that now, right? So they’ll use different drugs?”
I studied Gus, trying to gauge if he was asking out of concern for Billy, or me, or both. “Yeah. They have a plan. It’s hard for us not to be there for him, but I reckon I kind of deserve it. Fran not so much, but that’s between them.”