She doesn’t seem like the type of girl who’s into relationships, but even if she were, she’d be shit out of luck. I’m no one’s happily ever after. No strings is fine with me, but something niggles in the back of my mind, and that thing is Tiger.
I don’t have a conscience. I will happily fuck up Kong’s family, dog and cat included, but the thought of Tiger finding out about Tawny and me has me feeling…guilt? Is that what this feeling is? I honestly don’t know because I haven’t felt it before.
As the product of a justice system that taught me how to switch off my emotions in order to survive, this is new territory for me. Tawny wants to fuck me, but Tiger…what does she want? I don’t know.
Is she just being nice to me…stitched me up because she’s a good person? Or does she have an ulterior motive? But more importantly, why the fuck do I care? I haven’t cared about anything or anyone in so long. This feeling is foreign, and I feel like I’m about to freak the fuck out.
Shaking my head, I need to snap the hell out of this, which is why I walk Tawny toward the wall and smash her up against it. Her panic soon transforms before my eyes.
“I’m only interested in having a good time,” I reply to her comment. But by good time, I mean cutting Kong up into tiny pieces while he’s still alive.
Tawny is oblivious to my perversion, however. “He works as personal security. He trains at Gumbo’s Gym.” She smirks. “Let’s just say he’s at the gym more than he’s at home.”
I have no idea how she knows this, nor do I care, but she’s just given me my golden ticket. And when she leans in close, peering up at me from under her fake lashes, it’s evident she wants payment.
“See, I told you I know stuff,” she purrs, her gaze dropping to my mouth. “How about I show you what else I know?”
This was the price I knew I had to pay, but when she balances on tippy toes and presses her lips to mine, I freeze up. Every muscle in my body tenses and not in a good way. Her lips are like tentacles, and she’s everywhere, forcing me to open up to her in every possible way.
There is absolutely zero effort on my side, but Tawny is oblivious as she moans into my mouth, her tongue burrowing deeper and deeper. She presses her chest to mine, attempting to coax me into reciprocating.
But there is no way that is happening.
She’s the one who’s imprisoned with her back pressed to the wall, but I suddenly feel trapped. When she drapes her arms around my neck, I grunt, but it’s not in arousal. It’s from needing to get the fuck away from her.
She is too much—too clingy, too warm, too desperate, kissing me wildly, but I feel nothing, nada unlike when I…holy shit. The only other kiss I can compare this to is the one I shared with Tiger. Thinking of her plump lips, supple body, and delicious smell, I respond in a way that surprises me.
I kiss Tawny back.
Although it’s not her lips I want, my body remembers the way Tiger felt and craves for a release. Threading my fingers through Tawny’s hair, Tiger’s last words spoken to me spark to life, and my desire turns to fury.
“It doesn’t matter. You don’t matter.”
Even though she’s right, I can’t stop this hollow void inside me from growing bigger and bigger. And I act out the only way I know, the only way I’ve conditioned myself to behave.
My grip on Tawny’s hair tightens, dealing with this dead weight festering inside me. I pull, yanking her head back at an awkward angle but continue to kiss her. She nibbles on my lip and tongue, so I bite hers back—hard.
She whimpers, surrendering way too easily, which bores me. I want a challenge. She allows me to kiss her without remorse, dominating her lips and body any way I please. Her tongue darts in and out of my mouth, trying to duel with mine, but she’s no competition. Her taste, her mouth, her…she isn’t what, who I want. She is like watered down vodka, and when I realize why that is, I growl in anger, pinning her even harder to the wall.
She doesn’t stir a carnal hunger within, nor does she do what I thought impossible…she doesn’t make me feel. Tiger, however…does. I don’t know what she makes me feel, but at least it’s something. I’m dead inside; let’s not mistake me for anything other than a man living with one sole purpose in life. But since I met her, Tiger has made me feel something other than this emptiness that has plagued me for fourteen fucking years.
Goddammit. I want bubblegum kisses, not this lackluster embrace.
“Oh, fuck, sorry! I didn’t realize—” A stunned voice snaps me to the now, and I sever my kiss with Tawny.
She whimpers, attempting to nuzzle her nose against mine. But I don’t nuzzle or cuddle. I don’t even kiss. But Bae’s wide eyes and gaping mouth reveal what a liar I am.
I instantly let Tawny go, feeling nothing but disgust at myself. She, on the other hand, looks victorious. When I see her red, puffy lips, the lips I just defiled, the need to flee just about suffocates me. I don’t bother saying goodbye to either woman as I make my way toward the door. I may appear aloof, but as I exit, I hang my head in…shame.
Shame.
Another feeling I haven’t felt in a very long time.
Bull
For three fucking days, I’ve tailed this motherfucker. And for three fucking days, I’ve had to stop myself from running him over with the truck I borrowed from Lotus. I still don’t have my license, but I’ll rectify that soon.
Lotus has been very generous and paid me more than she should have. I think it might be hush money, but she has nothing to worry about. I don’t snitch. Besides, my hands are full with plotting ways to kill Kong. I have dreamed of this moment for so many years, and now that the reality is within reach, I feel like a kid in a candy store.
Stabbing. Shooting. Hanging. Drowning. Dissection…while still alive. The possibilities are endless. Lachlan’s death was merciful. He didn’t suffer enough. But I’ve learned. He was a trial run. And now, I am a master of all things torturous and bloody.
Between my shifts at work, I’ve come down here to Gumbo’s Gym or followed Kong to work. Stevie wasn’t kidding when he said he moves around. He doesn’t even appear to have a fixed location for his office. But he’s smart. A moving operation is hard for the cops to find, which has me thinking.
I need a kill site.
I can’t exactly take Kong back to the motel. Venus is anal about smoking in the rooms. I imagine she wouldn’t be too impressed with severed limbs in the bathtub and blood splatter on the walls. But abandoned buildings are common in Detroit. I just need to find the right one.
So much planning is needed, which is why I have my notepad rested against the steering wheel as I detail everything that needs to be done. With Elvis’s “Don’t Be Cruel” sounding softly over the radio, I jot down possible locations and dates for this to all go down.
Gumbo’s has wide windows, which allows me to look in and keep an eye on Kong. I don’t want him to see me, so I maintain the upper hand. The element of surprise is the key ingredient to ensure this goes off without a hitch.
Keeping busy, doing what I do best, has been a welcomed distraction. After the incident with Tawny, I’ve been laying low. Tiger isn’t back yet. I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit I wanted to know where she is or how she’s doing. And if she’s still angry with me.