Crashing into it, he draws me onto his lap, where his impressive erection brushes me down low as I straddle him. I want to touch him, run my hands all over him, but I can’t. A frustrated grunt leaves me. He bites my bottom lip, sucking it deliriously slow before it pops free.
I attempt to kiss him again, but he turns his cheek. He is so frustratingly beautiful.
He reaches down and grips my ankle, drawing it back to rest on his thigh. He repeats the same action on the other side. My legs are now spread wide open over his lap. I’m limber, thanks to my ballet training, and Bull seems to take pleasure in my flexibility as his gaze drops to between my thighs.
He slips two fingers into my mouth, encouraging me to twirl my tongue around them. Once they’re slick, they pop free before he sinks them into my sex. I cry out, the intrusion almost too much. I’m sore from last night but push past the pain and focus on Bull’s fingers as they slip in and out of me.
I watch with anticipation as he fingers me leisurely, his tattooed hands owning my body as I surrender. He takes his time, thriving on my whimpers because as I arch into his touch, he slows down.
“Bull…” I whimper, desperate for him to go faster and stop skimming around my needy center. I tug at the ribbon around my wrists, but it’s done up tightly.
Surrendering…handing over control, after being the one in charge all these years, is utterly intoxicating.
He continues to torture me, taking pleasure in seeing me beg. But he doesn’t remain unaffected. I can see the way his eyes drift to my breasts, and I bow my back, hopeful he’ll put us both out of our misery and take one into his mouth.
But he doesn’t, and I don’t understand why.
“I can’t touch you,” I gasp, rolling my hips as he unhurriedly sinks into me. “But you can touch me. All over.”
I don’t know why, but I feel like he’s asking permission. He’s never had any issues taking before, but now, he almost seems cautious.
“No,” he grits out, jaw clenched. He increases the tempo of his fingers.
“Why not?” I press, my breathing arduous.
When he doesn’t reply, his silence pisses me off.
“I’m always the first to initiate a kiss. Do you realize that? If it wasn’t for your hard-on pressing against me, I would say I was the only one affected by you touching me.”
In and out. In and out, he pumps his fingers, punishing me…which is exactly what I want.
“I don’t even know your name,” I voice my thoughts aloud. Does going by an alias help him deal with whatever demons plague him?
“Why does knowing my name make a difference? You know what this is.”
“No, actually, I don’t. Tell me. You can talk to my body, but you can’t talk to me. Why not?” In response, he rubs his thumb over my clit, evoking a moan.
But I need to focus.
“So what do you want from me? A fuck buddy? Is that it?” My guess seems to enrage him, and he takes it out on my sex.
Rocking against his hand, I continue the inquisition because his punishment feels oh, so good.
“The thing about a fuck buddy is that you actually have to fuck them. All you’ve done is piss me, oh—” I gasp when he pinches my clit. “Off,” I conclude, refusing to let this go.
A feral snarl spills from Bull’s lips, as he doesn’t allow me a moment of reprieve, before sinking his fingers into me deeply. “Believe me, the feeling is mutual,” he heatedly states, narrowing his eyes.
“Good, I’m glad we’re on the same page.” His touch is electrifying, and I want to come so badly. No matter how frustrated he makes me, I can’t help but feel there is a reason he won’t let me get close.
“Once I get what I want from you, this is done. Over.”
“Couldn’t agree more,” he replies, punishing me further with his fingers.
“Good. Maybe I’ll take Carlos up on his offer after all.” Yes, I fucking said that. No, I don’t mean it, but it has the desired effect.
Bull vibrates under me, reminding me of a volcano just before it blows. And blow he does.
A feral snarl rips free as he yanks his fingers out of me. I don’t have a moment to protest because within seconds, he’s unfastening the button and then the zipper on his jeans. “Okay then. You just want me to fuck you? Fine.”
I expected this. Hell, I started it, so I raise my hips, awaiting my punishment, and when it comes, I’m regretful I didn’t do it sooner. Bull digs his fingers into my waist, dangling me over his cock. “Is this what you want?”
He rubs himself over my entrance, teasing me. “I want you to grow a pair and stop running away. You’re either in, or you’re out. I won’t accept you straddling the line with a foot on either side. I know you feel this too,” I say, squashing down my desire.
He’s angry with me, livid actually, which is good. This means he cares. This means I’m right.
“Why me? Why do you keep coming back when you can’t even kiss me? Tell me!” I cry, desperate to finally unearth the truth.
And it works.
Bull clenches his jaw, nostrils flared as though he’s about to tear me to shreds. “Because I’m fucking messed up in the head!” he screams, leaving indents in my flesh as he grips my hips. “I break everything I touch, and the worst thing is…I don’t even care. I need to hurt you to feel normal. How fucked up is that?”
I dare not move.
“I have to tie you up and fuck you from behind because it’s what gets me off. I feed off your innocence. I want to corrupt it, and I want you to let me because it might erase this darkness within me. I don’t want to touch you because I don’t want to…pollute you with my sickness, Tiger.”
I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that.
“Bull, you’re not sick.” But he won’t allow me to make excuses for him.
“Stop it! This isn’t a story where the heroine changes the villain into a hero. I will never be that. It’s too late for that. I’m dead inside. What I’ve done…what I have to do to silence the voices inside my head has determined my fate. And I’m okay with that.”
Regardless of his dismal outlook, I can sense his pain and the confusion hidden under the layers of hate. Bull told me he has an end game, and what he’s just revealed is that end game is literally just that—ending another life.
But why?
“How is that going to make things better?” I press, suspended over him.
With a deliberate touch, he cups my throat, squeezing softly. “I never said I wanted better…I just want to see them all dead.”
His admission is what I wanted, confirming what I knew to be true. The confirmation should be my ticket out of here, but it’s not. It just makes me want him all the more.
Without hesitation, without overthinking the fact he’s not wearing any protection, I shift my hips and sink down onto his cock. Bull frantically attempts to pull out, but I don’t let him. I clench my muscles tight and begin rocking my hips.
He moans, still clutching my throat as I move against him.
Using my core strength, I lift myself, then slam back down onto him. Backward and forward, side to side, round and round, I work my body into a frenzy, milking my pleasure from Bull. He allows me to take what I want, meeting me thrust for thrust.