She had no idea how far I could and would take this.
“You know what?” she asked. “You’re right. I’ll make something up. I just thought maybe you’d want to talk to me. Tell me something real for once.”
She darted toward the doorway.
By the time I caught up to her she was halfway down the hallway. I got her by the waist again and pulled her close to me. Her back to my front.
She put her hands to my hands but didn’t do anything else.
That’s what I thought, babe.
“You only want something real from me so you can tell yourself what you feel is real,” I whispered. “And that it’s okay to fall for a guy like me. Because you have no idea what to expect. If I’m going to be faithful or not. Fuck, if I’m even remotely thinking the same thoughts as you.”
Liv didn’t reply.
I kissed the top of her head and let her go.
She didn’t move.
My eyes studied her some more.
I ran a hand through my hair and finally learned an important lesson in life.
Sometimes when you fuck with temptation you get in too fucking deep…
When I saw Liv standing at the door in a hoodie and shorts short enough to be panties, I made fists and wished to everything that I had a bottle of whiskey with me to drink her beauty away. Which was impossible to do.
“Nash?” she asked.
“Mitchy.”
“What?”
“Mitchy. That was the sixth guy in the band.”
I turned away from her apartment door and needed to get the hell out of there.
The plan had been to grab her, kiss her, fuck her, then leave her.
Now I was suddenly dropping Mitchy’s name?
“That’s it?” she called out. “You tracked down where I live for that?”
I turned. “You asked a question and I answered it.”
She folded her arms and stood outside the apartment.
Her father was rich enough that she could have lived anywhere in the city. She could have been in a high rise. Or had her own place on the beach.
But she wanted to make it work on her own terms.
She wanted her own life.
Her own dreams.
“What else do you want to know, babe?” I asked.
“What happened?”
I walked to the doorway and we were just inches apart.
“Mitchy played guitar and piano,” I said. “He and Jay were close. And we wanted a big sound and we wanted to do something crazy together. A bunch of rock stars who could play guitars, right? Jay and Mitchy traded solos. Dex carried the rhythm. Reed kept the sound. Sab made the beat. That was the band, babe. And you know what? Mitchy couldn’t keep his veins clean long enough to play a show.”
“Oh, Nash…”
“Hey, it’s the life. We all party. But there are times when that shit doesn’t cut it. Finding Mitchy in a bathroom five minutes before showtime, his guitar in his lap… half dead… it just didn’t cut it.”
“So you kicked him out,” Liv said.
“We brought in another guy. Linx. He was good. Then that went bad too. In a different way, I guess. You want to dig, babe? Be careful what you find. There’s a reason things are buried.”
I grabbed her cheeks and kissed her.
She grabbed my shirt.
But that was it for me.
I backed away.
“Nash…”
“You got that one out of the way,” I said.
“I won’t write about it,” she said. “I swear. I don’t want to write about your dirt. Your past. Your pain.”
“No pain, babe,” I said. “Just life.”
“Stay,” she said. “Come in and stay. Spend the night.”
“Sorry, Liv. I’m off to the studio.”
“This late?”
“Early for me,” I said.
I turned and hit the stairwell door open.
“Nash!” Liv cried out one more time.
“What?” I asked without looking back.
“Thanks for telling me that.”
I had nothing else to say.
I left the apartment building and climbed into the back of the SUV.
“Everything good?” Bill asked.
“Fucking perfect,” I said. “Did you tell Jimmy to meet us at the studio?”
“That I did,” Bill said. “You’re all set for the night.”
I had to get Liv off my mind. Even if it meant wasting my mind for the night.
If I went back up to that apartment…
I wouldn’t leave with my heart intact.
“So where are we at with the new song?”
I put my cup down on the counter and looked at Toby. “We?”
“You know what I mean, Nash,” Toby said.
I looked around the fancy kitchen. I pointed to a metal arm looking thing above the stove and nodded. “Is that one of those things for pasta?”
“Yeah,” Toby said.
“When the fuck was the last time you made pasta?”
“What’s your point?” Toby asked.
I laughed and pushed away from the counter. “Nothing. You’re worried about this deal, Toby. It’s not a good look on you.”
“Hey,” Toby said. “I know what’s best. And how to survive right now in this thing. They want to give you everything you’ve ever wanted. There’s no more adding a track because you need a radio song. There’s no more forcing lyrics to make a pussy a cat. Okay?”
“Those are my favorite songs,” I said.
“Tell that to how many producers you punched throughout the years?”
“And tell me which one didn’t deserve it.”
“They all did, Nash,” Toby said. “Believe me. They all did. But the band is in a good spot. Coming off the tour. A few stories that were controlled. Dale is giving you the keys…”
“So no more stealing cars and sinking them,” I said with a wink.
“Can you ever be serious for a second?”
“I’m always serious, Toby. In the bedroom. Between the sheets. On the sheets. In the shower. You have to be careful in the shower. One slip and…”
Toby rubbed his jaw and folded his arms. “I’ll wait.”
“The music is good, Toby,” I said. “You know that already. We’re putting together something that works for the band and SLECK. Okay?”
“Thank you,” Toby said. “I have a ton of things to do here, Nash. Working with Jess to get-”
“Working with her or on her?”
“Jesus Christ,” Toby said. “You can’t help it, can you? You see tits and pussy and that’s it. You have to imagine fucking her.”
“I’m just pulling for you,” I said. “She’s bitchy. She’s miserable. She’s… like you. Like a pretty, female version of you.”
Toby chuckled. “Oh yeah, that’s a great image in my head now.”
“What? You fucking yourself?”
Toby shook his head. “You know, someday I dream about you and I talking like two normal people.”
I nodded. “Well, maybe that’s today. You ever hear from Mitchy?”
“Mitchy? Jesus… what’s got you thinking about him?”