“Nothing,” I said. “Just answer my question.”
“Nash, we haven’t heard from Mitchy since the lawsuit.”
The lawsuit.
I curled my lip.
We went from playing fucking music and making tons of money to dealing with lawyers and lawsuits.
“Nash, if you’ve got some shit going on in your head…” Toby sighed. “You have to let it out. You have to talk about it. You can talk to me. I won’t say anything to anyone. Or if you want me to find someone you can talk to. We can work it all out. But you can’t take that shit and hold-”
“I’m fucking Olivia,” I said. I grabbed for my glass and downed the expensive whiskey. I smacked my lips together. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Jesus Christ,” Toby said again. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“No,” I said. “I’ve been chasing her ass since the tour. Can’t help it.”
“Can’t help it? You know what’s at stake?”
“I do,” I said. “I’m telling you for a good reason.”
“And what reason is that?”
“I’m not going to stop fucking her,” I said. “I like fucking her. I like everything about fucking her. I’m not going to broadcast it loud and clear that I’m fucking her, but I’m not going to play it off either.”
Toby shut his eyes for a few seconds. “Why did you tell me this? You could have just done your thing, Nash.”
That was a good question. A really good fucking question.
And the answer was simple but hard to say.
I wanted Toby to know about Liv because I had to say it out loud.
To make sure it was true. To make sure it was real.
And it wasn’t just that I was fucking her. Or throwing my entire career up in the air.
It was something else.
Something I refused to speak of.
I liked fucking Liv.
Worse yet… I liked her even when her clothes were on.
14
OLIVIA
I sat at the kitchen table, my legs folded up to my chest, and I typed away at my laptop. Nothing like a little four in the morning inspiration to hit me. But luckily there was coffee. And there was quietness. Which was something I didn’t realize how much I could miss . Like how fast things had been happening in life, it was nice to have a moment where time felt like it had slowed down. Not to mention at that hour in the morning it seemed like everyone in the world was sleeping.
So it was just me.
My laptop.
A story.
I had taken a risk and emailed an agent who had offered to help me a year ago. She had somehow gotten tied into my father through a book turned movie that had music involved in it. Stubborn me refused to accept any contract through my father.
But now?
The goal was bigger than ever.
To get what I wanted for once.
And in the back of my mind… get away from Nash.
Before things got too out of hand.
Because everything he said to me was true.
Maybe the words falling for him were a stretch but there was something there. And for as tough as Nash wanted to be by putting it all on my shoulders, he felt something too.
But that life?
On the road. Picking out women to fuck. Shoving shit up his nose. Drinking whiskey like it was water. Messing with the law. Strippers on speed dial. City to city, night after night, morning after morning, collecting panties and broken hearts… living in this city and recording music only to go out and do it again…
That was his life.
Not mine.
Not to mention the stories I heard about the other guys, their houses and what went on there. There was no doubt in my mind that Jay’s no clothes allowed rule was real. I was not going to walk around Jay’s house butt naked. And I had no desire to see other women doing the same.
It was a lot to think about at once.
The word excess having a whole new meaning as I watched the way the band lived. It was like they were in their own world.
But you know what?
So was I.
I had my laptop. I had coffee.
I had my favorite hoodie on.
That was all I needed.
Until someone started to knock at my door.
I squinted my eyes and looked at the clock on the laptop.
It was just before six.
When I was writing, I kept my phone flipped over so nothing could distract me.
Which was a mistake this time.
There were texts.
From Nash.
I slowly stood up, listening to the nonstop knocking at the door.
Nash was here.
And my guess was that he hadn’t gone to bed yet.
He smelled like whiskey and smoke.
Which was so common for Nash that I not only expected but actually liked it.
I caught myself standing there trying to smell the air to see if I could pick up on cheap perfume or cheaper body spray or… the smell of another woman’s… parts…
“Morning, babe,” Nash said. “Or should I say goodnight?”
“I’ve been up writing,” I said. “What do you want?”
“To know why you’re not answering me.”
“I was busy. My life doesn’t revolve around you.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah, Nash. It is. I fulfilled my commitment on the road. Remember?”
“Oh, I remember the road,” he said with a grin. “I remember the last show too. Back home. The hotel.”
“I’m surprised you remember it,” I said. “Considering you have a new one each night.”
Nash touched my cheek. “Oh, babe, I’ll never forget your pussy.”
My face decided to burn red hot, as did my… well… you know…
And I hated myself for it.
But it was fucking Nash.
Standing there staring down at me with those eyes. His thumb stroking my cheek.
“Why did you come here?” I asked.
“Just making my rounds, Liv,” he whispered. “Finishing up my night.”
“Yeah? You fuck some random woman and then come to me to talk and flirt?”
“No, babe. I didn’t fuck anyone. You were the last one…”
I playfully gasped. “How have you survived? That was like… days…”
Nash stepped forward, his left foot entering my apartment. His left hand wrapped around my hip and he pressed himself against me.
“Why the fuck do you think I’m here?” he asked.
I bit my lip.
Oh, shit, Olivia… now what?
I never got to answer my own question because Nash swept his lips across mine, making me forget everything that could go wrong here. All emotion was gone except for lust.
He put both hands to my ass and lifted me up.
I wrapped my legs around him as he stepped into the apartment all the way and slammed the door shut behind him.
My heart pounded as I tasted the whiskey on his tongue.
That meant he had a ride outside. That guy from the bus… Bill… was sitting there waiting for Nash. While Nash walked me to the couch in my apartment.
He lowered me down and broke the kiss.
My eyes opened wide and I begged my mind to really consider what I was doing.