“What the fuck…”
“Don’t follow me,” I said.
“Like fuck I won’t,” Nash said.
I got outside and realized just how screwed I was. Nash was signing the deal he always wanted, which meant breaking my heart. Yet I knew that was already happening. So why did it hurt so much?
It was because of last night.
Things had gone too far.
“Liv, what the hell are you doing?” he called out to me as I ran toward the black car waiting.
“I’m taking this car,” I said. “You and Toby can fuck each other.”
Nash charged toward me.
I stopped and turned to face him.
My hand flew through the air and across his face.
It felt good to slap him.
He touched his cheek. “Listening to shit you’re not supposed to, huh? Thought you were taking a shower.”
“I decided not to,” I said. “I was hungry. My fault.”
“Yeah? It is your fault, Liv.”
“Is it? Really? Is that what you do? Push blame on everyone else?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nash said.
“I heard what you said. Not Toby. What you said. And I…” I shook my head. “I thought maybe for a second I loved you. Fuck me, right? I really am just a Line Whore.”
“No, you’re not, babe,” Nash said.
He reached for me and I pushed him away. “Don’t call me babe ever again. Is this the kind of thing you did to the others?”
“What others?” he asked.
“Mitchy? Or better yet… Raunchy Recks?”
Nash’s eyes went wide as I touched the worst nerve possible.
His hand moved again, but he grabbed the door handle and ripped the door open.
“Get the fuck out of here, Liv,” he said.
“Already planned on it,” I said. “Hope it was worth it, Nash.”
“It’s always worth it, babe,” he said.
Then he slammed the door.
He went to the passenger front window and leaned in.
“Take her wherever she wants to go and come back here,” he said. “But do not bring her back here with you.”
Nash turned his head and looked at me.
I stared into his eyes.
My nostrils flared as I worked hard to keep my shit together.
He pushed away from the car and walked back toward his house.
I wiped a tear off my cheek.
I lowered my head and rattled off where I wanted to go.
While I had been protecting Nash’s reputation, I forget to protect my own heart.
Fucking rock stars.
I blinked away tears as Eve stood in the doorway.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I’m an idiot,” I said.
“Why?”
“I’m such an idiot, Eve.”
“Olivia… listen…”
“I fell in love with him,” I said. “I fell in love with Nash.”
“Nash… wait.” She shook her head. “Nash? As in Filthy Line?”
I nodded.
“How?”
“We’ve been…”
Eve’s eyes went wide. She pulled me into her house. She put her nose almost to mine. “You’ve been banging the lead singer of Filthy Line and I’m just hearing about it now?”
“Sorry,” I said. “It’s been… hectic.”
“Hectic? You and Nash…” She shook her head again. “And you love him?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m so lost right now. There was a deal. Or whatever. I mean, it’s so stupid. I was off limits. Which only made him want me more. And then we…”
I looked around.
“Brian’s not home,” Eve said. “I’m sort of-”
“I don’t know what I did here,” I said. “Or what to do. I’m mad at myself. I’m mad at…”
I looked and saw Jerry walking toward me.
Wearing just a shirt.
I pointed. “What’s he doing?”
“Olivia, it’s been a morning so far,” Eve said. “I’m trying to…”
Jerry smiled big at me.
And then he started to pee.
All over the carpet.
Eve let out a yell and picked him up. She ran him toward the bathroom as he just hosed down the living room.
I followed her to the bathroom as she sat him down on the toilet.
“You have to go here,” Eve said. “Jerry, that’s bad what you just did. That’s very bad.”
Her mom voice was adorable.
“Oh, Eve,” I said. “I didn’t realize…”
She looked back at me. “Olivia, I’m sorry but I can’t talk about this stuff right now. I’m sorry things are crazy for you. I don’t even know what to say. You knew who Nash was when you met him. I mean, we are fans of the band. I still can’t wrap my head around you sleeping with him. And I mean… what did you think would happen?”
I pursed my lips tight, swallowed hard, and nodded.
That’s when I realized I was Emily.
From my book.
I was Emily… chasing a dream, messing up, and coming back to my old friend only to have her ten miles in a different direction.
Eve was worried about getting Jerry to pee on the toilet. And she had to clean everywhere in the house where he made a mess. Of course she didn’t give a damn about my sex life. Hers had been reduced to whenever Brian was home and Jerry was asleep in his own bed.
“I’ll let you do your thing,” I said.
“I’ll text you later,” she said.
“Sure thing,” I said.
I left Eve’s house and had no ride.
The black car was gone. Back to Nash’s house.
I lost Nash.
I felt like I just lost Eve.
Nobody could understand what this felt like.
And it was my own fault.
And there was only one way to fix it.
It was time for me to leave for good.
17
NASH
I leaned against the large window and watched the hustle and bustle of the city below. Cars and trucks stuck in traffic. People crossing in front of vehicles, not giving a shit what happens to them. Horns honking. People yelling. It was just the normal background noise to the city. And at night that part would quiet down for another part to come alive. At night it would be the sounds of fast cars, loud motorcycles, the speeding cry of a police siren. The wail of an ambulance and the screaming horn of a firetruck. Drunks laughing, bottles smashing, guns going off.
That’s what made it all so fucking wild and so fucking perfect.
And yet every single thought twisted its way back to Liv.
“Look at that face, brother,” Jay said.
“What face?” I asked.
“Yours. You only look like that when you’re in the studio.”
“We good here?” I asked.
Jay looked around the empty room. “We’re good.”
I lifted the bottle of whiskey to my lips and took a big drink.
Jay had gotten me a little snack as I called it.
I shut my eyes and was determined to snort Liv’s memory away.